Vampire: The
Masquerade FAQK
by L. Fitzgerald Sjöberg
Q: What is Vampire: The Masquerade?
A: Vampire: The Masquerade is a storytelling game of personal
horror.
Q: What's a "storytelling game?"
A: A roleplaying game with a colon in the title.
Q: How does it work?
A: Players take on the roles of undead members of a mysterious
world of nocturnal intrigue and Gothic-Punk attitude.
Q: What's a "Gothic-Punk"?
A: Someone who gets laughed at by goths and punks.
Q: There are people in black lace playing
paper-scissors-rock outside my window. Should I be alarmed?
A: Heavens no. They're just playing the live-action version of
V:tM. In it, they dress up as their characters and act out their
interactions.
Q: Do they actually gnaw each other's necks,
then?
A: No. Touching is not allowed.
Q: What the hell is the point, then?
A: You got me.
Q: Can you play something other than a
vampire?
A: Sure. You can get the rules in related games like
"Werewolf: the Apocalypse," "Wraith: the
Oblivion," and "Changeling: The Dreaming."
Q: How about "Bigfoot: The
Malodorousness"?
A: I wouldn't be surprised.
Q: Or "Swamp Monster: The
Moistening"?
A: Sure. Anything's possible.
Q: Or, or how about "Alanis: The
Morissette"?
A: Yeah, yeah, we get the idea.
Q: I bet you can buy all sorts of expansion
crap, can't you?
A: You betcha. Settings like "Chicago by Night" and the
much thinner "Montreal by Night," write-ups of
important people in the bloodsucking industry, special dice, the
whole kabuki.
Q: Vampire dice?
A: Yeah. They're all marbled and dark-looking, for people who
like their random numbers to reflect their tortured soul.
Q: Hey, wait a sec. Wasn't there a TV show
based on "Vampire: The Masquerade"?
A: We don't like to talk about it.
Q: Yeah! Now I remember! It was called
"The Embrace" or something. Man. That was a stinker.
A: Drop it.
Q: I bet you're all pissed that
"Buffy" got so popular and your show sank like a lead
orc figurine, aren't you?
A: Drop it, I said.
Q: Oh, I've got another one! "House
Painter: The Masking Tape."
A: Go away.
