1. "Fine"

 

This is the word women use at the end of any argument

when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear

you argue any longer. It means that you should shut

up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks.

This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

 

2. "Five minutes"

 

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five

minutes that your football game is going to last

before you take out the trash, so women feel that

it's an even trade.

 

3. "Nothing"

 

"Nothing" means something and you should be on your

toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the

feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,

upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually

signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes"

and end with the word "Fine."

 

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)

 

This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it

for permission, the result will be that the woman will

get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a

"five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

 

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)

 

This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up"

or "do what you want because I don't care." You will

get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes,

followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to

you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

 

6. "Loud Sigh"

 

This is not actually a word, but is still often a

verbal statement very frequently misunderstood by men.

A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete

idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing

here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

 

7. "Soft Sigh"

 

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft

Sighs" are one of the few things that some men

actually understand. It means she is momentarily

content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in

the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

 

8. "Oh"

 

This word --- followed by any statement --- is

trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I

talked to him about what you were doing last night."

If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk,

to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is

"Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the

window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at

least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence

usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not

try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a

raised eyebrows "Go ahead", sometimes followed by acts

so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.)

 

9. "That's Okay"

 

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a

woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she

wants to think long and hard before decided what the

penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's

Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in

conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". Once

she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some

mighty big trouble.

 

10. "Please Do"

 

This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is

giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for

what you have done. In other words, a chance to get

yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this

correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

 

11. "Thanks"

 

The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look

for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

 

12. "Thanks A Lot"

 

"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from

"Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is

really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by

the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her

in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is

wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you

"Nothing."

 

 

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