1.
"Fine"
This
is the word women use at the end of any argument
when
they feel they are right but can't stand to hear
you
argue any longer. It means that you should shut
up.
(NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks.
This
will cause you to have one of those arguments.)
2.
"Five minutes"
This
is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes
that your football game is going to last
before
you take out the trash, so women feel that
it's
an even trade.
3.
"Nothing"
"Nothing"
means something and you should be on your
toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the
feeling
a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,
upside
down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually
signifies
an argument that will last "Five Minutes"
and
end with the word "Fine."
4.
"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This
is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it
for
permission, the result will be that the woman will
get
upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a
"five-minute"
discussion that will end with the word "Fine."
5.
"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This
is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up"
or
"do what you want because I don't care." You will
get
a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes,
followed
by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to
you
in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
6.
"Loud Sigh"
This
is not actually a word, but is still often a
verbal
statement very frequently misunderstood by men.
A
"Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete
idiot
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here
and arguing with you over "Nothing."
7.
"Soft Sigh"
Again,
not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft
Sighs"
are one of the few things that some men
actually
understand. It means she is momentarily
content.
Your best bet is to not move or breathe in
the
hope that the moment will last a bit longer.
8.
"Oh"
This
word --- followed by any statement --- is
trouble.
Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I
talked
to him about what you were doing last night."
If
she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk,
to
the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is
"Fine"
when she is done tossing your clothes out the
window,
but do not expect her to talk to you for at
least
two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence
usually
signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not
try
to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a
raised
eyebrows "Go ahead", sometimes followed by acts
so
unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.)
9.
"That's Okay"
This
is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman
can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she
wants
to think long and hard before decided what the
penalty
will be for whatever you have done. "That's
Okay"
is often used with the word "Fine" and in
conjunction
with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". Once
she
has had time to plan it out, you are in for some
mighty
big trouble.
10.
"Please Do"
This
is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is
giving
you the chance to come up with an excuse for
what
you have done. In other words, a chance to get
yourself
into even more trouble. If you handle this
correctly,
you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
11.
"Thanks"
The
woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look
for
hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."
12.
"Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks
A Lot" is dramatically different from
"Thanks."
A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is
really
ticked off at you. It is usually followed by
the
"Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her
in
some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is
wrong
after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you
"Nothing."