I've never considered myself a Jeane Dixon or an Edgar Cayce, least of all now that they're both dead.  But every once in a while I do receive visions of the future - images of what's to come that are so clear and so insistent that I have no choice but to believe they're true.
     Here are some of the cleaner ones that came to me just this morning:

     December, 1999:  I will be sitting at this very computer when - a split-second after clicking on "Send" - I realize that I've written an email message full of typos and misspellings.

     January 1, 2000:  The federal government reveals that it's had a top secret committee composed of the nation's best scientists and artists laboring for years to come up with a special way of commemorating the new millennium.  At noon, the results are revealed:  Starting immediately, the word "thunder" shall be replaced with the term "sky quake" in all official memos, letters, and press releases.  Special tax breaks shall be made available to those businesses and industries which follow suit.

     May 16, 2002:  Development of the subliminal air raid siren is complete.  Now, in case of a tornado or nuclear attack, people will "just know" to seek shelter without experiencing any of the panic associated with old-fashioned sonic warning systems.

     March, 2004:  In an effort to promote good dental health, restaurants start displaying toothax dispensers right alongside those dispensing toothpicks.

     February, 2008:  One of the more unfortunate consequences of global warming becomes apparent as Don Ho opens a club date in Detroit. 

     Summer, 2017:  With burial space at a premium and the cost of graves skyrocketing, CyberSolutions starts offering completely free funeral services in exchange for the next of kin's agreeing to mount liquid crystal TV screens on the casket and the gravestone.  These screens run ads continuously and may not be disconnected or minimized except for 10 seconds at the end of the last eulogy.  (Offer void in Nebraska.)

     First Quarter, 2029:  The catch phrase "Shim Your Cloque NOW!" takes the country by storm.  I don't know what it means, but the accompanying sky quakes will scare several people half to death, causing a run on CyberSolutions' stock.

     Sometime In The "Borgy '40s":  The gene is discover to have been working as a front for the REAL organizing power behind every aspect of life.  This power is given the name "LifeForce45" by its owner, Bill Gates III, after judges of a national naming contest are unable to pick a winner from among the 13,884,992 slang terms for anus submitted by the nation's schoolchildren.

     Late 21st Century, Noonish:  Scientists sifting through the writings of Shirley MacLaine in hopes of finding the first sign of Mad Human Disease accidentally disprove the concept of reincarnation. "Ms. MacLaine never claims she came into this life pre-potty trained," Dr. E89ooPhet will reveal on Must Smell TV.  "If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that anyone who's actually lived countless lives ought to be able to remember how to perform this simple, daily task, if nothing else."  Dr. E89ooPhet will immediately be killed and this sensitive information suppressed by a "minor flaw" in the "LifeForce45" program. 

     Approximately The 34th Century:  Pod-like people known as "scrigs"  finally succeed in "muxifying" the last few "granulationists" in the name of greater "Klih Bartonththth" just south of -

     Oops - gotta go.  There's someone at my door.
     I wonder who in the hell it can be....