Ray Zalinsky: What the American public doesn't know is what makes them the American public, alright?
Gas Station Employee: I'm picking up your sarcasm.
Tommy: But what if the Guarantee Fairy's a crazy glue sniffer? Next thing you know there's change missing from your dresser and your daughter's knocked up. I've seen it a hundred times.
Richard: I can practically hear you getting fatter!
Michelle: Listen you little spazoids! I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you!
Richard: Your dad could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves.
Tommy: Did you hear I graduated?
[Richard's car is destroyed by a deer]
Tommy: I passed! [hugging a stranger] I passed! I wish we'd known each other... this is a little awkward.
Richard: Did I hear a "niner" in there? Were you calling from a walkie talkie?
Tommy: I can't believe he called me a psycho.
Tommy: You know, you can get a good look at a butcher's ass by shoving your head up it but wouldn't you rather take his word for it?
[Saying it correctly.]
Richard: Housekeeping, you want me to jack you off?
Tommy: If I wanted a kiss I'd call your mother.
Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat?
Tommy: You kids better pray to the god of skinny punks this wind doesn't pick up, cuz if it does I'm gonna sail over there and shove an oar up your ass.
Michelle: I saw him kissing his mom.
Tommy: Look at 'em there, pretty maids all in a row. I want the one on the left; she's perfect. Which one d'you want? Huh, huh, huh?... Alright.
Richard Hayden: Ya know what? If you don't know how to use your seatbelt, just ring your call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you on the head with a tackhammer because you are a retard.
Ray Zalinsky: Ted, send over a bucket of ice with a bottle of champagne. Have the card read, "Tough luck, use the bucket to ice down your marbles, get drunk on me, signed Z."
Richard Hayden: Okay, it's sale time, so remember, we don't take no...?
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