South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

Mr. Garrison: Sorry kids, I just can't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. [In bed together.] Satan: Is sex the only thing that matters to you? Sadaam Hussein: I love you. Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else? Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli? Terrance: You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip! Phillip: Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker? Terrance: Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs. Phillip: Oh yeah! Stan: Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people? [Demonstrating a "V-Chip" planted into Cartman] Dr. Vosknocker: Now, I want you to say "doggy". Cartman: Doggy. Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Notice, that nothing happens. [to Cartman] Now, say "montana". Cartman: Montana. Dr. Vosknocker: Good. Now, "pillow". Cartman: Pillow. Dr. Vosknocker: Alright. Now I want you to say "horse fucker". Mrs. Cartman: Go on, honey. It's alright. Cartman: Horse fu-- [gets shocked by the V-chip] That hurts, god damn it! [gets shocked again] Dr. Vosknocker: Now I want you to say "big floppy donkey dick". Cartman: No! Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Success! The child doesn't want to swear! Cartman: This isn't fair, you sons of bi-- [gets shocked repeatedly] Cartman: Don't call me fat, you fucking jew! Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word? Cartman: Jew? Kyle: No, he's talking about "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat-ass! Cartman: Why the fuck not? Mr. Garrison: Eric! Stan: Dude, you just said "fuck" again! Mr. Garrison: Stanley! Kenny: Fuck! Mr. Garrison: Kenny! Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck. Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school councelor? Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls? Mr. Garrison: What did you say? Cartman: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was... [picks up a megaphone] HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS? Stan: Holy shit, dude. [After student provides incorrect answer to math problem] Mr. Garrison: Ok, now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard... anyone? [To Phillip] Terrance: This is worse than the time when I fell asleep and you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture. Brooke Shields: I once farted on the set of Blue Lagoon. Stan: [singing] The sun is shining and the grass is green. / Under the three feet of snow, I mean. Newscaster: It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by wild boars and the world is still glad to be rid of him. Cartman: Kyle, all those times I said you were a dumb, stupid Jew, well, I was wrong, you're not a Jew. Kyle: Cartman, I *am* Jewish! Cartman: There, there, don't be hard on yourself, Kyle. Cartman: That movie has warped my fragile little mind. Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German Scheisse video, you... you'd tell me, wouldn't you? [short pause] Mrs. Cartman: Sure, hon. Cartman: Yes, that's right, I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie. Now who wants to touch me? Chef: Haven't you heard of the Emancipation Proclamation? General: I don't listen to hip-hop. Kyle: Let me have some more candy Cartman. Eric Cartman: Let's see, hmm, I don't have any Jewish candy. Kyle: Fine! Like you really need more, fat boy! Dr. Doctor: We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds to live. Stan Marsh: But this is going to be the best movie ever! It's a foreign film from Canada. Stan Marsh: Hang on, before you do, search for the word "clitoris." Kyle Broslofski: OK, hang on... 1,830,000 pages found with the word clitoris. Stan Marsh: What would Brian Boitano do / If he was here right now / He'd make a plan and he'd follow through / That's what Brian Boitano would do. Mr. Garrison: I can't wait to take leave so I can get me some fucking poontang. Canadian Representative: Our government has apologized for Bryan Adams on numerous occasions! Canadian Ambassador: Can I finish? Can I finish? Can I finish? [pause] I'm finished. Sheila Broflovski: Just remember what the MPAA says: Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words! Saddam Hussein: All this torturing people gets me HOT! Kyle Broflovski: Hey, Mole, be careful. Mole: Careful? Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a clothes hanger while I was still in the womb? Stan Marsh: Man, that kid is fucked up! Canadian Prime Minister: The film is R-rated and is not intended for small children. Sheila Broflovski: Oh, but of course our kids are gonna see it! Canadian Prime Minister: Can I finish? Can, can I finish? The United States has graphic violence on television all the time! We can't see how a movie with foul language would piss you off so much! Sheila Broflovski: Because it's EVIL! Canadian Prime Minister: CAN I FINISH? PLEASE! CAN I FINISH?! ...Okay, I'm finished. ~ Home ~ Movies ~ Songs ~ Anonymous ~ Women ~ ~ Friendship ~ Life and Success ~ Poems ~ Shakespeare ~ Star Trek ~