South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut

Mr. Garrison: Sorry kids, I just can't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

[In bed together.]
Satan: Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
Sadaam Hussein: I love you.

Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else?
Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?

Terrance: You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip!
Phillip: Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker?
Terrance: Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
Phillip: Oh yeah!

Stan: Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people?

[Demonstrating a "V-Chip" planted into Cartman]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now, I want you to say "doggy".
Cartman: Doggy.
Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Notice, that nothing happens. [to Cartman] Now, say "montana".
Cartman: Montana.
Dr. Vosknocker: Good. Now, "pillow".
Cartman: Pillow.
Dr. Vosknocker: Alright. Now I want you to say "horse fucker".
Mrs. Cartman: Go on, honey. It's alright.
Cartman: Horse fu-- [gets shocked by the V-chip] That hurts, god damn it!
[gets shocked again]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now I want you to say "big floppy donkey dick".
Cartman: No!
Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Success! The child doesn't want to swear!
Cartman: This isn't fair, you sons of bi--
[gets shocked repeatedly]

Cartman: Don't call me fat, you fucking jew!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Cartman: Jew?
Kyle: No, he's talking about "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat-ass!
Cartman: Why the fuck not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: Fuck!
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck.
Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school councelor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
Mr. Garrison: What did you say?
Cartman: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was... [picks up a megaphone] HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS?
Stan: Holy shit, dude.

[After student provides incorrect answer to math problem]
Mr. Garrison: Ok, now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard... anyone?

[To Phillip]
Terrance: This is worse than the time when I fell asleep and you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture.

Brooke Shields: I once farted on the set of Blue Lagoon.

Stan: [singing] The sun is shining and the grass is green. / Under the three feet of snow, I mean.

Newscaster: It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by wild boars and the world is still glad to be rid of him.

Cartman: Kyle, all those times I said you were a dumb, stupid Jew, well, I was wrong, you're not a Jew.
Kyle: Cartman, I *am* Jewish!
Cartman: There, there, don't be hard on yourself, Kyle.

Cartman: That movie has warped my fragile little mind.

Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German Scheisse video, you... you'd tell me, wouldn't you?
[short pause]
Mrs. Cartman: Sure, hon.

Cartman: Yes, that's right, I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie. Now who wants to touch me?

Chef: Haven't you heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?
General: I don't listen to hip-hop.

Kyle: Let me have some more candy Cartman.
Eric Cartman: Let's see, hmm, I don't have any Jewish candy.
Kyle: Fine! Like you really need more, fat boy!

Dr. Doctor: We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds to live.

Stan Marsh: But this is going to be the best movie ever! It's a foreign film from Canada.

Stan Marsh: Hang on, before you do, search for the word "clitoris."
Kyle Broslofski: OK, hang on... 1,830,000 pages found with the word clitoris.

Stan Marsh: What would Brian Boitano do / If he was here right now / He'd make a plan and he'd follow through / That's what Brian Boitano would do.

Mr. Garrison: I can't wait to take leave so I can get me some fucking poontang.

Canadian Representative: Our government has apologized for Bryan Adams on numerous occasions!

Canadian Ambassador: Can I finish? Can I finish? Can I finish? [pause] I'm finished.

Sheila Broflovski: Just remember what the MPAA says: Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words!

Saddam Hussein: All this torturing people gets me HOT!

Kyle Broflovski: Hey, Mole, be careful. Mole: Careful? Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a clothes hanger while I was still in the womb?
Stan Marsh: Man, that kid is fucked up!

Canadian Prime Minister: The film is R-rated and is not intended for small children. Sheila Broflovski: Oh, but of course our kids are gonna see it!
Canadian Prime Minister: Can I finish? Can, can I finish? The United States has graphic violence on television all the time! We can't see how a movie with foul language would piss you off so much!
Sheila Broflovski: Because it's EVIL!
Canadian Prime Minister: CAN I FINISH? PLEASE! CAN I FINISH?! ...Okay, I'm finished.

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