Samantha: Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease.
The Geek: Would you guys please hurry up, I'm breaking like 20 major laws right now.
[Long Duk Dong is dancing with Lumberjack, his head is on her ample chest]
The Geek: Where am I?
Mike Baker: She's got her period. Should be an interesting honeymoon, eh?
Ginny: I love Rudy, and he is totally enamored of me. I mean, other men have loved me, but not for six whole months in a row.
Randy: Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself? It's bad for your complexion!
Brenda Baker: Can you remember to turn off the stove in twenty minutes?
Grandma Helen: Oh Sam, let me take a look at you. Fred, she's gotten her boobies!
[Caroline is very drunk.]
Geek: This information cannot leave this room. Ok? It would devastate my reputation as a dude.
Geek: Do you know how many times a week I go without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Y'know, any halfway decent girl can rob me blind, because I'm too torqued up to say no.
Samantha: It's really human of you to listen to all my bullshit.
Geek: You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile.
Samantha: I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation.
Geek: How's it going?
Geek: By night's end, I predict me and her will interface.
Geek: So, what's your story? I mean, you got a guy, or...?
Samantha: When you don't have anything, you don't have anything to lose. Right?
Samantha: This is Farmer Fred.
Jim Baker: That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.
Jim Baker: Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.
Samantha: I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek!
Jake: I can get a piece of ass any time I want. Shit, I got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to.
Geek: I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me.
Long Duk Dong: No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food.
Geek: Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes?
Geek: Nice manners, babe.
Randy: Geek, can I be honest with you?
Geek: Just answer me one question.
Samantha: Thanks for getting my undies back.
The Geek: Relax, would you? We have fifty dollars and a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens.
[On the phone to the police]
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