Sixteen Candles

Samantha: Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease. The Geek: Would you guys please hurry up, I'm breaking like 20 major laws right now. [Long Duk Dong is dancing with Lumberjack, his head is on her ample chest] Lumberjack: What's your last name? Long Duk Dong: Dong. Lumberjack: What's your first name? Long Duk Dong: Long. Lumberjack: What's your middle name? Long Duk Dong: Duk. The Geek: Where am I? Caroline: I'll tell you where you are if you tell me who you are. The Geek: I'm Farmer Ted. Caroline: You're in the parking lot across from my church. The Geek: You own a church? Mike Baker: She's got her period. Should be an interesting honeymoon, eh? Jim Baker: Where do you kids learn all this stuff? Mike Baker: School. Jim Baker: Good, I'm getting my money's worth. Ginny: I love Rudy, and he is totally enamored of me. I mean, other men have loved me, but not for six whole months in a row. Randy: Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself? It's bad for your complexion! Brenda Baker: Can you remember to turn off the stove in twenty minutes? Samantha: I can remember lots of things. Grandma Helen: Oh Sam, let me take a look at you. Fred, she's gotten her boobies! Grandpa Fred: I better get my magnifying glass! Ha Ha Ha. Grandma Helen: Oh, and they are so PERKY! [reaches to cup them] [cut to:] Samantha: I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up! [Caroline is very drunk.] Caroline: Who's he? Jake: That's me. Caroline: Who are you? Jake: I'm him. Caroline: Oh, ok. Geek: This information cannot leave this room. Ok? It would devastate my reputation as a dude. Samantha: No problem. Geek: I've never bagged a babe. I'm not a stud. Geek: Do you know how many times a week I go without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Y'know, any halfway decent girl can rob me blind, because I'm too torqued up to say no. Samantha: It's really human of you to listen to all my bullshit. Geek: You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile. Samantha: Go to hell. Geek: VERY hostile! Samantha: I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation. Geek: How's it going? Samantha: How's what going? Geek: You know - things, life, whatnot. Samantha: Life is not whatnot, and it's none of your business. Geek: By night's end, I predict me and her will interface. Geek: So, what's your story? I mean, you got a guy, or...? Samantha: Yes, three big ones, and they lust wimp blood so quit bugging me or I'll sic them all over your weenie ass! Samantha: When you don't have anything, you don't have anything to lose. Right? Randy: That's a cheerful thought. Samantha: This is Farmer Fred. Geek: Ted. Samantha: Oh, I'm sorry, Farmer Ted. Geek: I'm not really a farmer. I'm a freshman. Jim Baker: That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else. Jim Baker: Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork. Samantha: Mike thinks I'm a dork. Jim Baker: Mike is a dork. Samantha: I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek! Jake: I can get a piece of ass any time I want. Shit, I got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to. Geek: What are you waiting for!? Geek: I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me. Long Duk Dong: No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food. Geek: Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes? Geek: Nice manners, babe. Randy: Geek, can I be honest with you? Geek: Not if you're gonna insult me. Randy: [laughs] Ok. Geek: Shoot. Randy: Get the hell outta here! Geek: Just answer me one question. Samantha: Yes, you're a total faggot. Geek: Ha ha ha. That's not the question. Samantha: Thanks for getting my undies back. Jake: Thanks for coming over. Samantha: Thanks for coming to get me. Jake: Happy Birthday, Samantha. Make a wish. Samantha: It already came true. The Geek: Relax, would you? We have fifty dollars and a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens. [On the phone to the police] Howard: What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes... No, he's not retarded. ~ Home ~ Movies ~ Songs ~ Anonymous ~ Women ~ ~ Friendship ~ Life and Success ~ Poems ~ Shakespeare ~ Star Trek ~