Casey Schuler: I hate this bug.
Colonel Sam Daniels: Oh, come on, Casey. You have to admire its simplicity. It's one billionth our size and it's beating us.
Casey Schuler: So, what do you want to do, take it to dinner?
Colonel Sam Daniels: No.
Casey Schuler: What, then?
Colonel Sam Daniels: Kill it.

Casey Schuler: How many brain cells did I kill?
Sam Daniels: How many? About a billion.
Casey Schuler: Oh, now I'm only as smart as you.
Sam Daniels: What can we give him to kill his sense of humor?

Mrs. Pananides: I have a friend in the Coast Guard, all I have to do is call...
Daniels: How close a friend?
Mrs. Pananides: Closer than his wife would like.

Sam Daniels: If you think I'm lying, drop the bomb. If you think I'm crazy, drop the bomb. But don't drop the bomb just because you're following orders!

Colonel Sam Daniels: Sir, what did I ever do to make your life miserable?
General Billy Ford: You got up this morning, didn't you?

Col. Sam Daniels: Just don't get negative on me.
Major Salt: Affirmative.

Sergent Meyer: Sir, my pilot is taking a leak.
Col. Sam Daniels: A leak? No shit!

Colonel Sam Daniels: You know Salt, fear gets a bad rap. I don't want anybody in my outfit that doesn't get scared.
Major Salt: Then I'm your man sir.

Colonel Sam Daniels: Anything I can do to help?
Major Salt: Just don't make me nervous.

General McClintock: With all due respect, Colonel, if you don't follow us to Travis Air Force base, we'll blow you out of the sky.
Daniels: With all due respect, General, fuck you, sir.

[George isn't cooperating with Daniels]
Colonel Sam Daniels: George, you've heard abouth this virus?... Shall I cough on you, George?

Colonel Sam Daniels: We are fugitives of the law. Idiocy is our only option.

Major Schuler: [to Daniels] Allow me, sir.
[to Salt]
Major Schuler: Major!
Major Salt: Yes,...Major?

Major Schuler: I hate them willies, they ought to call them the Sams don't you think?

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