Osmosis Jones

[Osmosis and Drix arrive at the zit] Drix: What is this? Osmosis: This is what happens when you wash your face with fried chicken, that's what! Drix: Drixenol! The brand that eases your coughs and sneezes. Warning - do not exceed recommended dosage. If symptoms persist, consult a physician. May cause drowsiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery. Pregnant women should not handle broken tablets. Osmosis: Wow! I'm feeling better already. Osmosis: In the words of the immortal James Brown - GET DOWN! Drix: James who? Osmosis: I never thought you'd be on MY side! Drix: I never thought you'd be right. Frank: 99 kinds of wings! 128 different dipping sauces! You love math, crunch the numbers on that - and tell me the possibilities aren't INFINITE! Osmosis: Next time, I'll be the bad cop. Drix: You ARE a bad cop! Osmosis: Yo, who you calling a bad cop? Drix: I don't dance. I...I have no left feet. Thrax: This here little DNA bead comes from a little girl in Riverside, California, didn't like to wash her hands. Took me three whole weeks. And this one, nice lady in Detroit, Mowtown - six days flat. And there's this old guy in Philly - I killed him in 72 hours. Yeah, I'm getting better as I go along, baby, but the problem is I never set a record - until my man Frank that is. I'm gonna take him down in 48 hours! Get my own chapter in the medical books! Mayor Phlegming: Son, do me a favor and read what it says on your arm. Drix: 'For the temporary relief of symptoms associated with...' Mayor Phlegming: Exactly! Temporary. You're nothing but a wannabe, a placebo, a generic brand. Marked-down, over-the-counter, useless Tic-Tac! Thrax: Medical books aren't written about losers! Osmosis: Did you know my great-great-grandpappy fought the measles? Yup, there's been a Jones on the force ever since my ancestors came up on the umbilical cord. Osmosis: Goodbye, Drips. Drix: That's Drix. Osmosis: Whatever. Osmosis: You want Osmosis? Drix: You've got Osmosis! Leah: Come here, baby. I'm still Jonesin' for a little more Osmosis. Thrax: Careful. I'm contagious. Leah: Jones, what in the world makes you think I would ever go out with you? Osmosis: What you talking about? I'm a legend, girl! The chicks line up to divide with me! Leah: Oh really? 'Cause to me you look like the kind of cell who mostly divides with himself. Drix: I'd like to examine your irritated areas. Osmosis: Wooh, never on the first date! [The cold pill arrives in the stomach] Leah: Wow, this is huge. Osmosis: Don't be all impressed, 'cause 99% of that is just sugar you know. Leah: Yeah, and 99% of you is just stupid. Osmosis: Ooh, like I haven't heard that one before. Osmosis: We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart? Drix: OK, I get it. You were poor. Osmosis: You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of a toilet paper cling-on? Now that's poor! Drix: OK, please, you're trying to make me vomit! Osmosis: Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit, that's for rich folk. Drix: Excuse me while I wipe my eyes. Osmosis: Oh, you wanna talk about wiping? Drix: NO! Thrax: Ebola is a cause of dandruff compared to me! Drix: Funny. He dosn't look fluish. Thrax: [shaken] Man, this dude was sick before I even got here! Frank: What's that you got there? Oyster Boy: They're polluted oysters. Well, they were polluted oysters. I replanted them in the ocean for six weeks. That is how long the state says you should. Frank: Can you eat them? Oyster Boy: Well, if my hypotenuse is correct, yeah, sure you can. Drix: Special Agent Drixobenzometaphedrimine The Boss: Has the foot fungus paid up yet? Thug: Nah, the guy's gettin' flaky on us. Osmosis: Yo, where you from? Drix: I was developed at the University of Chicago, where I graduated Phi Beta Capsule. Osmosis: Great, got me a college boy... ~ Home ~ Movies ~ Songs ~ Anonymous ~ Women ~ ~ Friendship ~ Life and Success ~ Poems ~ Shakespeare ~ Star Trek ~