Osmosis Jones

Osmosis Jones

[Osmosis and Drix arrive at the zit]
Drix: What is this?
Osmosis: This is what happens when you wash your face with fried chicken, that's what!

Drix: Drixenol! The brand that eases your coughs and sneezes. Warning - do not exceed recommended dosage. If symptoms persist, consult a physician. May cause drowsiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery. Pregnant women should not handle broken tablets.
Osmosis: Wow! I'm feeling better already.

Osmosis: In the words of the immortal James Brown - GET DOWN!
Drix: James who?

Osmosis: I never thought you'd be on MY side!
Drix: I never thought you'd be right.

Frank: 99 kinds of wings! 128 different dipping sauces! You love math, crunch the numbers on that - and tell me the possibilities aren't INFINITE!

Osmosis: Next time, I'll be the bad cop.
Drix: You ARE a bad cop!
Osmosis: Yo, who you calling a bad cop?

Drix: I don't dance. I...I have no left feet.

Thrax: This here little DNA bead comes from a little girl in Riverside, California, didn't like to wash her hands. Took me three whole weeks. And this one, nice lady in Detroit, Mowtown - six days flat. And there's this old guy in Philly - I killed him in 72 hours. Yeah, I'm getting better as I go along, baby, but the problem is I never set a record - until my man Frank that is. I'm gonna take him down in 48 hours! Get my own chapter in the medical books!

Mayor Phlegming: Son, do me a favor and read what it says on your arm.
Drix: 'For the temporary relief of symptoms associated with...'
Mayor Phlegming: Exactly! Temporary. You're nothing but a wannabe, a placebo, a generic brand. Marked-down, over-the-counter, useless Tic-Tac!

Thrax: Medical books aren't written about losers!

Osmosis: Did you know my great-great-grandpappy fought the measles? Yup, there's been a Jones on the force ever since my ancestors came up on the umbilical cord.

Osmosis: Goodbye, Drips.
Drix: That's Drix.
Osmosis: Whatever.

Osmosis: You want Osmosis?
Drix: You've got Osmosis!

Leah: Come here, baby. I'm still Jonesin' for a little more Osmosis.

Thrax: Careful. I'm contagious.

Leah: Jones, what in the world makes you think I would ever go out with you?
Osmosis: What you talking about? I'm a legend, girl! The chicks line up to divide with me!
Leah: Oh really? 'Cause to me you look like the kind of cell who mostly divides with himself.

Drix: I'd like to examine your irritated areas.
Osmosis: Wooh, never on the first date!

[The cold pill arrives in the stomach]
Leah: Wow, this is huge.
Osmosis: Don't be all impressed, 'cause 99% of that is just sugar you know.
Leah: Yeah, and 99% of you is just stupid.
Osmosis: Ooh, like I haven't heard that one before.

Osmosis: We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?
Drix: OK, I get it. You were poor.
Osmosis: You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of a toilet paper cling-on? Now that's poor!
Drix: OK, please, you're trying to make me vomit!
Osmosis: Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit, that's for rich folk.
Drix: Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.
Osmosis: Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?
Drix: NO!

Thrax: Ebola is a cause of dandruff compared to me!

Drix: Funny. He dosn't look fluish.

Thrax: [shaken] Man, this dude was sick before I even got here!

Frank: What's that you got there?
Oyster Boy: They're polluted oysters. Well, they were polluted oysters. I replanted them in the ocean for six weeks. That is how long the state says you should.
Frank: Can you eat them?
Oyster Boy: Well, if my hypotenuse is correct, yeah, sure you can.

Drix: Special Agent Drixobenzometaphedrimine

The Boss: Has the foot fungus paid up yet?
Thug: Nah, the guy's gettin' flaky on us.

Osmosis: Yo, where you from?
Drix: I was developed at the University of Chicago, where I graduated Phi Beta Capsule.
Osmosis: Great, got me a college boy...

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