Eduardo: You want me to die happy, don't you?
Snaps: Of course, papa.
Eduardo: Oh, so now you wanna me die?!
[slaps him]

Snaps: Poole was right! You are an ox *and* a moron!

Lisa Provolone: ...I want to go to the top of the Empire State Building!
Anthony Rossano: And what am I doing during all this? Babysitting Oscar's kid?
Lisa Provolone: You always this nasty?
Anthony Rossano: YES! Get used to it!
Lisa Provolone: [gasps] I'm marrying a brute! I don't want to see your face... until the wedding!
Anthony Rossano: That's fine with me! And separate honeymoons!
Lisa Provolone: Fine!
Anthony Rossano: See you in church!
Lisa Provolone: Hmph!

Dr. Thornton Poole: [About Snaps' daughter, Lisa.] She seems to have such nicely rounded diphthongs!
Snaps: That's what got me into this mess!

Aldo: Breakfast is soived.
Snaps: Served, you paluka!

Snaps: Ice him!
Aldo: Boss! We can't have a stiff in the house with company coming!
Snaps: You're right. It ain't proper.

Snaps: It's like disarming Germany.

Snaps: Connie! Am-scray!
Connie: Do I have to, Boss? Every time I leave I fall behind.

Connie: Even in the old days he was known as an honest crook.
Dr. Poole: That's an oxymoron.
Connie: Gee, you shouldn't oughta said that, Doc.
Snaps: Yeah, leave Connie alone. He does the best he can.

Anthony: All that travel must cut into your home life.
Dr. Poole: Well, I don't spend as much time with mother as I'd like. But she's got the cats.

Snaps: You've got until twelve noon to make me look like a banker.
Finucci: Oh, we make-a you look like a banker! Take off-a you pants.

Snaps: Lets get started, I have until noon to look like a banker.
Finucci: Oh we make ya look like'a banker...take off your pants.

Snaps: You're a butler now! Butle!

Snaps: If it's Poole you want, it's Poole you'll get. But you've *got* to cross the finish line on this one! This is your third fiance today and it ain't even lunch yet!

Aldo & Connie: Sorry Boss.
Angelo Provolone: And don't call me boss. It ain't respectable.
Aldo & Connie: Sorry Boss.

Connie: I got it! The cash that used to be the jewels is now the underwear!

Sophia: Now you fired the maid?
Snaps: No! She quit to marry Bruce Underwood!
Sophia: When did that happen?
Snaps: I don't know... somewhere between my vest and my pants.

Lisa: I'm not a little girl daddy. See?
[Opens Robe]
Snaps: Jesus Lisa! Don't show me that! I'm your father!

[Poole is Mr. Provolone's grammar instructor]
Angelo "Snaps" Provolone: Mornin', Doc!
Dr. Poole: Mr. Provolon-e. Where are those G's?
Angelo "Snaps" Provolone: [slaps money bag] In here.

Anthony Rosano: When I took over, your books were a mess.
Angelo Provolone: They don't sound like they're in no great shape now! (To Himself) Damn, a double-negative.

Theresa: I'm not a little girl anymore! Look!
Angelo Provolone: Put that away, I'M YOUR FATHER!

Theresa: ... I wanna lay on the beach in Honalulu!
Angelo Provolone: Do whatever you want, just don't leave this room!

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