My Fair Lady

My Fair Lady

Professor Henry Higgins: She's so deliciously low. So horribly dirty.

Professor Henry Higgins: Eliza, you are to stay here for the next six months learning to speak beautifully, like a lady in a florist's shop. At the end of six months you will be taken to an embassy ball in a carriage, beautifully dressed. If the king finds out you are not a lady, you will be taken to the Tower of London, where your head will be cut off as a warning to other presumptuous flower girls! If you are not found out, you shall be given a present of... uh... six and seven to start life with in a lady's shop. If you refuse this offer, you will be the most ungrateful, wicked girl, and the angels will weep for you.

Freddy Eynsford-Hill: It's the new small talk. You do it so awfully well.

Professor Henry Higgins: Why can't a woman be more like a man?

Eliza Doolittle: I ain't done nothin' wrong by speaking to the gentleman. I've a right to sell flowers if I keep off the kerb. I'm a respectable girl: so help me, I never spoke to him 'cept so far as to buy a flower off me.

Eliza Doolittle: I ain't dirty! I washed my face and hands before I come, I did.

Professor Henry Higgins: She's an owl, sickened by a few days of *my* sunshine.

Colonel Hugh Pickering: Have you NO morals, man?
Alfred P. Dolittle: Nah. Can't afford none. Neither could you, if you were as poor as me.

Professor Henry Higgins: I know your head aches; I know you're tired; I know your nerves are as raw as meat in a butcher's window. But think what you're trying to accomplish. Think what you're dealing with. The majesty and grandeur of the English language, it's the greatest possession we have. The noblest thoughts that ever flowed through the hearts of men are contained in its extraordinary, imaginative, and musical mixtures of sounds. And that's what you've set yourself out to conquer Eliza. And conquer it you will.

Professor Henry Higgins: You won my bet? Why you presumptuous little insect, *I* won it.

Professor Henry Higgins: Every night before you go to bed, where you used to say your prayers, I want you to say, "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain" fifty times. You get much further with the Lord if you learn not to offend his ears.

Eliza Doolittle: I sold flowers; I didn't sell myself. Now you've made a lady of me, I'm not fit to sell anything else.

Professor Henry Higgins: [singing] Women are irrational, that's all there is to that! Their heads are full of cotton, hay, and rags. They're nothing but exasperating, irritating, vacillating, calculating, agitating, maddening and infuriating hags!

[repeated line]
Colonel Hugh Pickering: Well, I'm dashed!

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