My Cousin Vinny

My Cousin Vinny

Vinny: That's it got it! THE CASE CRACKER! Me in the shower!

Vinny: I object to this witness being called at this time. We've been given no prior notice he'd testify. No discovery of any tests he's conducted or reports he's prepared. And as the court is aware, the defense is entitled to advance notice of any witness who will testify, particularly those who will give scientific evidence, so that we may properly prepare for cross-examination, as well as give the defense an opportunity to have the witness's reports reviewed by a defense expert, who might then be in a position to contradict the veracity of his conclusions.
Judge Chamberlain Holler: Mr. Gambini?
Vinny: Yes sir?
Judge Chamberlain Holler: That is a lucid, intelligent, well-thought out objection.
Vinny: Thank you, your honor.
Judge Chamberlain Holler: Overruled.

Vinny Gambini: You're in Ala-fuckin-bama. You killed a good old boy. There is no way this isn't going to trial.

Vinny Gambini: I'm here to collect.
J.T.: How 'bout I just kick your ass.
Vinny Gambini: Oh a counter offer. That's what we lawyers, I'm a lawyer... we call that a counter offer. This is a tough decision you give me here. Get my ass kicked or collect two hundred dollars. I could use a good ass-kickin', I'll be perfectly honest with you... no I think I'll just go with the two hundred.
J.T.: Over my dead body.
Vinny Gambini: You like to renegotiate as you go along. Well here's my counter offer... do I have to kill you? What if I were just to kick the ever loving shit out of you?
J.T.: In your dreams.
Vinny Gambini: Oh no no... in reality. If I kick the shit out of you, do I get the money?

Lisa: Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing around. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the clear water - BAM! A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask you, do you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?!

Lisa: You think I'm hostile now? Wait 'til you see me tonight.

Vinny Gambini: What are you wearing?
Mona Lisa Vito: What?
Vinny Gambini: You look like a fuckin' tourist.
Mona Lisa Vito: What about you?
Vinny Gambini: I fit in better than you. At least I'm wearing cowboy boots.
Mona Lisa Vito: Oh yeah, you blend.

[Vinny, still half-asleep, gives his opening statement to the jury.]
Vinny: Everything that guy says is bullshit.

Judge Chamberlain Haller: The next words out of your mouth better be guilty or not guilty. I don't want to hear commentary, argument, or opinion. If I hear anything other than guilty or not guilty, you'll be in contempt. I don't even want to hear you clear your throat. Now how do your clients plead?
Vincent "Vinny" La Guardia Gambini the First: I think I get the point.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: No, I don't think you do.

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