[A gun goes off at the football game.]
Maj. Houlihan: I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of authority in the Army Medical Corps!
Col. Blake: Hawkeye Pierce? I got a twix from headquarters about you...says you stole a jeep.
[Trapper is guest of honor at a party celebrating his appointment as Chief Surgeon.]
[Frank Burns has just been sent away in a straitjacket after attacking Hawkeye.]
Hot-Lips Houlihan: This isn't a hospital! It's an insane asylum! And it's your fault!
Gen. Hamilton: Henry, I have some reports here from your Major Houlihan that I frankly find hard to believe.
[Hawkeye and Duke drive away, having received their traveling orders]
Lieutenant Colonel Henry Braymore Blake: Ever since the dark days before Pearl Harbor, I have been proud to wear this uniform.
Captain Walter Kosciusko "Painless Pole" Waldowski, D.D.S.: I wasn't gonna fool around out here because I got these three girls I'm engaged to back home.
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