"Immature love says 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
"If it hurts, don't do it AGAIN"
"I always thought I would look back on us crying and laugh, but I never thought I would look back on us laughing and cry."
"On the other hand, the early worm gets eaten."
"Even if you're paranoid, maybe they really *are* after you."
"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
"Reality is an illusion created by alcoholic deficiency."
"Trust in God, but lock your car."
"Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry."
"Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist."
"Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce."
"You're never too old to learn something stupid."
"Hire a teenager while they still know it all."
"God Bless America, but God help Canada to put up with them!"
"The light at the end of a tunnel may be an oncoming train!"
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs louder."
"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."
"I do what the voices in my head tell me to do."
"How far the little candle sheds its light; So shines a good deed in a naughty world."
"Few of us get dizzy from doing too many good turns!"
"No one has ever complained about his parachute not opening."
"Even the fish wouldn't have been caught if he'd kept his mouth shut."
"If you can help somebody along the way then your living has not been in vain."
"The best way to wipe out a friendship is to sponge on it."
"The style is the man himself."
"To win the race, is to rise each time we fall."
"When you think the whole world's against you, remember, some of the smaller countries don't care at all."
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