I am an adult survivor of incest.
This home page is dedicated to all
survivors who have the courage to come
forward. About me....I have chronic
fatigue and Epstein Barr. Some days I
cannot even "remind" my body to get out
of bed. It doesn't want to cooperate
with me. But I cannot quit. I will not
quit. These diseases will not harm me. I
have too much to do yet. I have to watch
my grandchildren grow and I will. I am
very proud of
myself for getting here. I work two
jobs, maintain a home with a 17 year old
still at home. I am mother, homemaker,
and wife. I was sexually molested by my
brother at a very early age. It went on
for a very long time....how long? I
don't know. I just know that my memories
have haunted me since
I can remember. I have been in and out
of therapy for decades. I am just now
starting back. Winter brings my
depression about face. And boy, did it
hit this year. I have panic attacks and
I am learning to deal with them again. I
confronted my brother about the abuse
over five years ago. I had so many
questions I wanted to ask him. Boy, did
I have questions...like why me? He
didn't know why. He is an alcoholic. But
the strangest thing is that I must have
been so niave... because I was raped by
other men. One of them was the father of
the children I babysat for when I was
15. Of course, I didn't tell my parents.
After all, they didn't believe me when I
told them about my brother. I thought
that I must wear a neon sign on
my forehead that said. "I needed to be
abused"?!!? I married at 18 to
get out of the house. I married a man
who physically abused our son and
myself. I was raped by my husband and a
few of his friends during our 12 year
marriage (more than once). Our home was
broken into and I was raped by the thief
after he stole our television...as
though it was an afterthought. I believe
at the time I thought that it was a
normal life in many ways. (wrong!) I
still get angry now as
I think about it. But what was "normal"
after all? I didn't know what a
dysfuntional family was. I thought it
was very "normal". My parents were very
loving people....who to this day do not
believe
that sexual abuse could take place in
their
home under their noses...after all they
were "good parents". They surely would
know if something like that was going
on.But it did happen. They accept that
it must be true if I said it...but
do not believe it. But when I did tell
my mother about
the abuse by my brother and her response
was..."It happens in the best of
families". I feel so funny as I write
this and read it. It seems..even now..
that it happened to someone else. I now
know what dysfunctional is and what a
"normal" relationship can be. I pray
that if this has happened to anyone of
you that you will face your demons and
come forward with the truth. It was
truly the hardest personal hardship I
have ever faced. I do not wish this on
anyone...but if we just have the
strength to help each other heal then we
can move mountains. We are strong
together. If you know anyone who has
been abused or is a survivor of
incest..give them my club address.
I have been blessed with many gifts....I
believe my "clarvoiance" came from my
abuse. I have been given the gift of
reading palms. I never knew others
didn't have theses gifts. I thought
everyone did saw auras around people. At
first
I believed it was a curse...then I later
learned to accept it. It can be fun and
it can be
draining.
If you are interested in visiting my
Yahoo
club for
incest survivors...my
new friends there are some of the most
caring and loving people you ever met.
These people are warm and sincere. Just
click on and visit.
I wish each and every one of your dreams
come true. May you succeed and live each
and every day as if it were your last
day...full of everything and the simple
things.
Follow the praying angel to find my
earthbound angel.
