Y O U R _S C R O T U M
"Get the Facts"
Before we talk about your scrotum, let's talk about the fragile parcel they carry.
Your testicles are an invaluable source of pleasure to you, your loved ones, and your whole family!
But what do you know about your firm, pendulous bringers of life?
- The testicles are oval organs! Beat that! (metaphorically, I mean)
- Your testes are about 4 to 4.5 cm long and 2 to 2.5 cm round. And that is like one of those gum balls that cost a quarter in a Wal-Mart entrance... Not quite as big as the fifty cent gum balls, or one of those plastic eggs with a friendship bracelet in it.
- It is normal for one testicle to hang lower than the other in the scrotum. It considered more attractive to have the right one lower than the left. (The opposite applies to European tastes.)
- Your testicles produce and store sperm. That's like a factory also being a closet.
- Your testicles are the body's main source of male hormones. These hormones control the development of the reproductive organs and other male characteristics, such as body and facial hair, low voice, wide shoulders, and size of lap.
- A man with one testicle can still have a normal erection and produce sperm for all who require it. He also will have the good fortune of garnering a nickname like "Lefty" or "Mr. Right".
- Each testis contains tightly coiled tubes (smart-scientist-men call them: seminiferous tubules) within which the germ cells (reproductive cells) divide and mature to form sperm. This all happens by unknown, magical means and will baffle smart-scientist-men for many years to come.
- Your puberty is actually a celebration of your testicles producing sperm. Secondary sex characteristics are your body's way of decorating for that party.
- The delicacy known as Rocky Mountain Oysters are in actuality USDA approved bull testicles. People eat these. I'm serious, they put them in their mouth and eat them.
- Testicles remind us of our fragile humanity. Bungee jumping and sky-diving also remind us of this. But testicles are free.
"But I thought this was the Scrotal Safety Commission... What's with all this testicle talk?"
Never underestimate the fragility of your testicles. Unlike the tidy groin of a woman, your testicles are "out there" for the world to see. And when they are seen, they are seen in the scrotum!
Because testicles operate best at temperatures slightly lower than your core body temperature, they dangle in a bag (your scrotum) away from your hot body. Your scrotum has the ability to move your testicles toward or away from your body, and thus regulate their temperature.
- FUN SCROTAL SCIENCE PROJECT:
- On a hot day, disrobe and slip your body (groin and all) into a cold shower. Notice how your testicles tell your scrotum to contract and thus, bring them closer to the warmth of your body's bulk. Examine the prune like puckering your scrotum produces to accomplish this amazing feat of strength and engineering. Write about your experience in your journal.
Scrotal Safety Tips:
- When hygienically inspecting your scrotum, remember to treat your fleshy sack with kid gloves (or an equivalent glove of soft construction). Keeping your fingernails neatly trimmed will also help cut down on self-inflicted scrotal damage.
- Riding escalators is both fun and convenient. But please remember to wear slacks while you enjoy the mechanical comfort of a moving staircase. And never sit on an escalator tread, even if the escalator is not in service.
- Purchasing a swimsuit with built-in underpants will greatly cut down on excess scrotal-stress during a spirited game of volleyball and the like.
- A lady-friend can quickly become a lady-enemy where your scrotum is concerned. Play it wise and establish a "safe-word" during rough play. The Scrotal Safety Commission would like to recommend the safe-word: "Peachy-keen"
- Get a professional to "size" you for under-shorts. Many scrotal accidents could have been easily avoided by sporting proper fitting under garments.
- Due to the aggressive nature of tiny, uncontrollable legs -- baby-sitting may not be a solid career choice for those of you with "fragile scrotums". Sadly, new fathers may not be able to avoid the willy-nilly, groin-magnets that a baby's feet often are. In a case such as this, heavy padding and a generous application of expanding foam (available at your local hardware supplier) will help protect your region.
- Bicycles are still legal in many states. Those of you that still insist on riding them should purchase a groin-helmet. These devices come in many colors and wind resistant shapes. Shop around to find the perfect groin-helmet for your needs. Plan a fun get-together with friends to decorate your groin-helmet with decals and "realistic battle damage".
- Watch out for cancer.
- Enlist one of your friends as a "Crotch-Buddy". Have him concern himself with the safety of your scrotum. Remind him publicly that he is your "Crotch-Buddy". Remind him in front of girls.
- Check better informed websites for information about your scrotum. This one is not very good and may well be full of extremely bad ideas. Remember: An informed scrotum owner is a safe scrotum owner.
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