Pigs Resume
The Pig
Nickname: Swine, hog, gilt, sow, boar and shoat.
Residence: Farms, labs and in some homes as pets.
Weight: 100 - 500 lbs.
Race/color: White, black or brown outer skin, pale flesh, turns
gray after death. Covered with brown or black thorny bristles 1" -6" long
- varies with the climate.
Availibility: In supermarkets, bars, school cafeterias, hospitals,
fast food chains, restaurants and private home kitchens.
Physical condition: short legs cloven hooves, cartilaginous snout (nose), small beady eyes, pointed floppy ears and sharp pointed teeth. Pock marked acne skin.
History: Known to contain the Trichinia (pork worm) throughout its entire body which is transferred to humans through the eating of its flesh.
Experience: Every part of its body is either eaten of used to make medications, cosmetics, toiletries and personal products.
Allergies: NONE. Able to eat anything chewable, rotten garbage, human or animal refuse; can swallow lye or be bitten by a poisonous snake and will not die.
Certifications: Approved for human use and consumption by the United Snakes, oops, I mean States Dept. of Agriculture (USDA) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA).
Handicaps: Has tube-like opening in its forelegs (similar to a sewer line) which oozes pus. Pus ia a yellowish sticky white fluid formed in infected tissue. It consists of cellular debris which makes the pig's flesh sticky, greasy and slimy, especially after cooking.
Avocational Interests: Enjoys eating and rooting around on the ground looking for foodstuffs, loves to wallow in mud (water or own urine) eating anything within reach and not nailed down.
Criminal Record: Previously charged with causing and contributing to high blood pressure, heart disease, stiff and sore muscles, strokes, obesity and Trichinosis (pork worm poisioning). Found guilty.
Future Asprirations: Desires to be eaten and admired by every Homo-sapien on earth.
Most Recent Accomplishment: Managed to CONvince the public to IGNORE the existence of the parasite Trichinae worm in its flesh, disregard the debilitating symptoms humans suffer from eating it and accept its pressence as a natural part of the American diet.
"How NOT To Eat PORK (or life without the PIG)"
by Sharrazad Ali
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Email: Hassan Sayeed
