THE SHADOW WITHIN
I wake up groggy, surrounded by white,
The effect is pure, but the evil swallowed my innocence in one bite,
They come for me, their faces blank, emotionless, cold,
Fear severs any ties with reality, any dignity dwelling in the deep pit of my soul.
I donít want to hurt you! Please understand,,
I cannot control the black evil inside,
When the insanity boils over, my pain explodes,
It is not for you that I will cry.
I cry for myself, for the hatred that burns within,
I bathe in holy water, yet remain drenched in sin,
I am condemned to life I have no right,
I am pushed into the corner, denied of light.
I donít ask for your pity,
Or even to was clean my soul,
Just take away my loneliness,
Accept me as a person, who needs a hand to hold.
The crystal shatters, as gentle as the breeze blows,
My misery wakes, rotten meat to the crows,
A teardrop slides slowly, glistening and new,
The knife slices my flesh, while I dream of you.
Youíre my deep black pit, the whole of my soul,
The red soothing pain of ecstasy immoral,
You fill each night with inhuman pleasure,
Your blood spilling, the memory I treasure.
My blood, foul with the stench of immorality,
Binds us together in our twisted reality,
My body accompanies your stiffened carcass on the floor,
One last ragged slice and I am no more.
The grey of my private prison continues closing in,
Hidden from the world of heartbreak and sin,
An aching soul lies undiscovered behind my stony glare,
As they pass me by without a care.
I slash my body and I scar my soul,
Heat, pain, boiling blood, my mind in turmoil,
I urge, crave to escape to my fantasy,
With you, my love, my vision of ecstasy.
I try to travel beyond my isolated tomb,
I attempt to sprout wings and fly to you,
Their hatred grounds me, chains me, weights me,
Their words wound me, I cannot take a stand, therefore I cannot break free.
I am a timid animal, standing naked to your mercy,
Caged by my fear, only my blood will set me free,
You kick me, beat me, mutilate my soul,
Strip me of my unconditional love, throw me deep in the hole.
Miserable despair etches tragedy in my eyes,
Inside my soul hides, inside my soul dies,
My warm safety penetrated by your ice,
For you petty kicks my life is sacrificed.
Strewn across the heated coals in my private hell,
Lamb to the slaughter, my mind an emotionless shell,
The stabbing pain of my unloved sorry,
Aches through the void of the night, Ďtil it be morrow.
Here in this playground of death,
I waste away.
This pathetic non-entity dies a little,
At the dawn of each day.
The cancer inside my soul grows,
Sprouting itís black potent fury.
The roots are embedded deep in the sea of my shame,
The sea drowning my scars, of ecstasy heavily laced with pain.
Demonic roses emit a threatening, evil scent,
My agonised body clasped in vain at the void above.
It searches for the sign,
That death shall soon be mine.
Waste away from the beginning to the end,
Eaten alive by the cancer of the soul,
Alone, weak and immoral,
I die, and I cry . . .
For I am the cancer,
I am the security of night,
That hides your hateful soul,
As mine reaches for the loving light.
I fail to understand me . . .
FUTILITY OF LIFE
A precious soul will die,
Through the dollís vatican eye,
In the sockets from the soul,
The disease-ridden worms writhe.
With the twist of a knife,
Thus ends a life,
And tears of blood will fall.
The pulse that once hammered,
And the eyes that once stared,
Are washed away in the red pain.
This is the futility of life,
And the human nature that destroys us all,
Allowing our future to rest on the blade of a knife,
Or in our black pitiful souls.
THE DARK SHAPES THAT CONTINUE TO EAT MY MIND
Burning petals, blood drips from veins embedded in thorns.
I draw the poison into my body and allow the toxins to devour my soul.
Let them eat me before I eat myself.
A mission of self-destruction, a path in search of my final blaze of glory.
I miss you so much that I feel that I can no longer suffocate living in the outside and I wish to shrivel up into nothing, become the dead blood red rose, symbol of love that has died and will never be revived.
I want to scream at them all and make them take me away and lock me away from myself.
I am in love with her and I cannot hide from my identity.
I suffer from a disease of which I am proud and I wish I were crazy again and yet I still hide behind a mask of stupidity.
The wounds which I lick bleed in painful black spurts, the window of sanity, I have fled through the door.
FUCK OFF! I donít want to talk about my self-confession!
MY ODE TO YOU DEAR FUCKED UP MERCILESS LIFE
Everybody fuck off, everybody fuck you!
Donít fuck with me, just fuckiní die!
I wish that I could destroy you,
But I just destroy me,
Oh yes, but I still donít have the strength to terminate and leave.
I am a fuck-up, yes my friend I am nothing,
I hate myself and I want to slash and burn this image I see.
I am exposed my pathetic soul is bared for all to see,
I want to shrivel into nothingness, then lie there and decompose,
I wish for the stains of my blood to cover the faces of those,
That I loathe . . .
I wish my blood on those I wish to destroy,
Yet I am so alone and weak,
My life sky is grey, my life sky is bleak,
Die you who stands before me,
Sit, please, and be eaten alive by the same hatred that chews me.
This is shit and I ainít liviní, I am dyiní . . .
I stare at the words I write and I summon for the strength to act them out,
I am sorry but I fail to lose my faint thread of hope,
And with death I dream to elope.
I wish to be held in the arms of decay,
For this is where my pathetic existence deserves to stay!
For the love of my own suicide note,
I stay to struggle another day.
back soon ___ I'll keep puttin' more on as I get around to it!!!