Things I Learned the Hard Way

Things I Learned the Hard Way...

Be careful, or I might teach you a painful lesson!

If you haven't figured it out yet, the new ones are on the bottom of the list. Why this is so, I do not know. Maybe I'm ass backwards. Or perhaps you need to learn my lessons over and over again.

• In the yellow pages, under escort or massage, those are really ads for hookers!
• That touching the air ionizer was shocking!
• If you ask the right way, people will answer any qeustion.
• You don't have to run after the women's LAX team to get an interview. You could just wait for them to stop running.
• If you drink two quarts of water within ten minutes together, you can pee for least 90 seconds.
• Swimming against the current is very tiring.
• Eating too much pasta can be hazardous.
• Never, never eat the fried rice at the Hunan Garden.
• You should wear goggles when you stick your head out of the window.
• It is hard to stuff two pounds of rice in an one pound.
• If you can't sleep in your own bed, you can always share one with your hot editor-in-chief who wears gray Calvin Klien panties and writes erotic poetry.
• There are other ways of finding out about stuff then sticking your head out of the car window while you're driving.
• You should find a date to prom as soon as you can, before it's too late.
• Throwing water ballons out of a moving car is a real rush. Where it goes nobody knows.
• There are different ways of changing decisions. Even then, make sure they can be changed!
• If you run for an overall office, be sure to be nice to EVERYBODY!
• If you pick on a class, then you must pick on the whole school. Don't do what this mofo did.
• Here's a message to every new ninth grader next year, watch for me, Brian Lee!
• Best way to handle a defeat by a circus freak is by watching a cartoon. Thank God for watching Metallo get his metal ass kicked by Superman.
• The best way to deal with a crappy Overall election is by running for something class. Or consider a revolution involving guerrilas. (Hmmm, Che...?)
• On warm summer days, right after dinner, beware of the nap. Damn me for losing so much time for sleeping.
• The world won't treat me right even if I finally get what they have. They still kick me down and spit on me. They will never accept me. I will always be the outsider, always. There is no place for me, no body will ever accept. Like the old saying, losers can't be chosers.
• I have no friends.
• Slow dancing and fighting are sort alike. You have to have loose knees and not think too much when you move.
• Time flies when you're eating.
• Asking someone for a favor just after Precal and a big test may have some unusual results
• Dr. Pfennig really is a God. No man can be so worldly unless he is God.
• Being shoved as you walk can cause contact with lockers.
• Have patience with idiots who think they are smart and speak in riddles. Because if you don't, then you're going to get in trouble for kicking their asses.
• Running for 20 minutes after a period of not running may not be good for one's health.
• The sun feels good.
• Don't ever take French AP.
• There is nothing like cheese and crackers.
• Hey, did you know that those things on the school walls have two wires connecting them.
• Never eat too much chili, no matter how good.
• I am the most indecisive person in the world.
• People will play you like a fool if you have a naive look on the world.
• Crossing the street without looking at both sides does not hurt.
• No one cares.
• GT students and the really stupid people are always the most arrogent.
• Being a nice get's you jack.
• If you can, leave early so that you don't have to help.
• Only worry about gettting the job done if you're being paid or given credit.
• Losers can never be choosers.
• There's no point of doing for good or helping a person. They only screw you over at the end or treat you like a second class person.
• People have no problem with using a person like a toilet.
• I can't dance.
• People change.
• Don't ever respond to a greeting, the person may just be talking to someone else.
• No matter what I do, I get no where.
• Party!? What party?
• Don't ask people what their doing, they're going to do it without you.
• Having a little brother is a thing to have. When they succed, you don't feel like such a failure.
• Oh no, I'm becoming cynical.
• Wait, never mind.
• Laughing gas makes everything feel good, even getting wisdom teeth pulled.
• Having 100 water ballons is very interesting.
• Hydrocodone makes you feel funny. It makes you tingle all over.
• I rememberd now that you can't control how much drool after getting removed.
• My mouth feels like a bitch after the procedure to remove my wisdom teeth.
• Never, never eat a deer when it's in heat.
• Polcat and skunk are the same thing.
• Raccoon meat has a unique taste.
• No one likes a tease.
• Do not let your hopes go too high. They crash faster.
• If you are going to sneak food into a movie theater, make it something small. Martin, you're a moron.
• I need some wheels.
• The hydrocodone doesn't make the problems go away or get you anywhere.
• I need to stretch.
• I can really kick ass!
• I'm damn sexy.
• Wait, hold on to that last thought.
• Push-ups are my best friend.
• Doug, my younger brother, is not a good sorce of inspiration when doing push-ups.
• Don't wrap your thumb around the pull-up bar. This way you get in more reps.
• In Spanish, Mr. Hawk is Sr. Halcón.
• Finding out somethings the hard way can really sting.
• Chicks dig the long ball.
• I waited for her for so long.
• I wonder if I could hang on.
• Sorry about the last two, I just out right copied the Cake song.
• If you don't come original, you will get shot.
• I don't know how to take a fall.
• MP3's are fun. Thanks Martin.
• I can't spell.
• Never, ever, ever eat samples of sushi.
• Sidestep, sidestep, sidestep!
• Running against the wind with contacts in is a very bad idea.
• A double knockout counts as victory for both players in Soul Calibur.
• I am the sexiest bitch in the world.
• College life is what you make it.
• Apple pie shooters go down warm like apple pie.
• After about nine consecutive chest exercises, don't expect to do many push-ups.
• I still can't to talk to girls.
• If you want to be somebody else.
• If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself.
• If you want to be somebody else.
• Change Your Mind.
• Sorry about the last three. That's from Sister Hazel.
• El Guapo is a pretty cool dude who is with it!
• Brewer's Yeast has a lot of protein.
• Raw wheat germ is definitely not the best thing to eat.
• Raw eggs bad for Brian's tummy. Bad. Makes Brian feel like poopy
• Five sets of 10 reps using a moderate weight with only 30 seconds rest can really pump you up.
• I don't update my pages very often.
• Kehl Mandt is crazy. Very crazy.
• After reading the old lessons, I must have been a real angry youth. Sure, it's from 3 years ago. But 3 years is a long time.
• No matter what style of martial art, there's two things that everyone must learn to do. Snap it out and footwork.
• Drinking 2 gallons of water is a lot. But it'll leave your eyes moist, skin soft, and gives the ability to go every half an hour.
• Calling a girl, having her mother take a message for you, girl calling you back, and all you have to say is some gurgled greeting as your heart and head explodes because this girl just called back.
• HokiePundit, sage of the ages
• Peter Ohlms is the coolest bus driving, civil engineering major, UVa student.
• I'm not daydreaming hard enough.