She wiped furiously at her eyes. "Calm down, get a hold of yourself." She repeated, over and over again. "Calm him, talk with him again. You've got to do something."
She picked up the receiver and held it to her ear. The sound of the dial tone at one time reminded her that with a few pushes of buttons she'd be talking to someone who would do anything possible to take away her pain and make her smile. Now, the same tone of peace brought back the reminder that the person who wanted her to smile was the person who just hung up on her.
"Is this my fault? I didn't really do anything. I didn't, but I didn't tell him about any of this either." She put her hands over her face and let her tears fall. She reached numbly to the phone and dialed a number she had memorized.
It rang 5 times. "Dammit, Ike, why didn't you pick up the phone? God, its just Trish."
"Taylor?"
"Hey, you okay? IKE! Get down here!"
"He's not speaking to me?"
"It doesn't look like it, I'll be right back."
She could here Taylor yelling for Isaac to come to the phone and she could hear Isaac throwing a tantrum. He was pissed, and moody, and he wanted to break things. She didn't want to talk to him when he was like that. "Taylor?" He was still yelling upstairs. For being the quiet one, he sure was loud.
"God dammit." She hung up and redialed. It was the only way to get their attention.
The phone rang for almost a minute before Taylor picked up the phone again. "Damn girl, your boyfriend just kicked the shit out of me and he won't even tell me what's wrong."
"He's not my boyfriend."
"What?"
"He's not my boyfriend." She sobbed.
"And so that would be the problem, right?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, so you led him on, you get him in a shit mood, he kicks my ass because of you, and now you expect him to talk to you? Let me tell you something about Ike. He's a loyal guy, he trusts people completely, and he'll put his entire being into something he believes in. He gave his all for his relationship with you, and you just told him there wasn't one. I'm not sure if you realize how much that's hurt him."
"Tay, I know that." She sniffed. "I called because, I value him as a friend more than anything. I'd give up anything for him to still be there for me. In these past few months he's meant more to me than anyone. I can't lose that."
Taylor was silent, which meant he wanted her to keep talking.
"I don't know if I could handle a relationship with Isaac, since he's so far away. That's why I started dating Jeremy."
"Trish, I can tell him you're really sorry. I can tell him, that you were too afraid of long distant relationships to have one. But that won't erase the fact that he feels like you betrayed him."
"I know. And that's why, I called. I wanted to tell him that. I don't know why I didn't say it earlier. Maybe because I was afraid he'd not be with me while he was here."
"Look, I don't know whether or not this would help, but I can tell him everything you've told me, once he's calmed down. And maybe, he'll call you and the two of you could talk about it. But other than that, I don't know what else to do."
She sighed. "Thank you, Taylor."
"Yeah, and take care of yourself. Deep down he still cares about you, don't let this take you away from him permanently."
She smiled. "I won't." And carefully she hung up the phone.
Lying on her bed she began to cry. Harsh endless tears, that burned her eyes. "God, what am I supposed to do? I don't have anyone now."
Somewhere in her madness and sorrow she remembered her date with Jeremy and began to dress herself. She wore long black pants a black shirt and put her hair in a tight French twist. She looked like she was in mourning, but she felt like she was too.
"Hi." She forced a smile when he came to pick her up.
I can't do this. What am I doing, I shouldn't be going out. I should just stay at home and think this over. No, if I stay at home, I'll just slit myself and let death think it over. The best thing is for me to get out.
"Hey, you ready?" He smiled and extended his hand and led her to his car.
"Where are we going tonight?" She asked.
"I thought maybe we could catch a movie and just pick something up along the way. Maybe stop for some Mexican food?"
"Um, could we not go to a movie, and just go out to eat?"
He looked confused, but nevertheless complied. "Sure. Where do you want to eat?"
"Where ever you want is fine." She smiled. Trish, you have to do this. Who means more to you? I guy who's shown you a good time for a week, or a guy who's supported, comforted, and adored you for almost two months?
"So what's up?" Jeremy leaned his chin on his hands.
"Huh?"
"Well, you didn't want to go to a movie, so you have something else to do tonight or something else on your mind."
"Oh." She looked at her enchilada.
"And from the look of how you're checking out your food, I'd say you have something on your mind." "Yeah, and I have fun with you too." "But, when I started going out with you, I was already in an undefined relationship. I didn't think there was anything more between the two of us other than casual dating." "Us being you and I, or you and him?" "He and I." She took a deep breath. "The problem is, that he feels like we had a serious relationship, a fact I was unaware of. And when I told him I was seeing you, he was very hurt, and betrayed," she choked on her sobs. "I never meant to do anything like that to him." Jeremy slid into the booth next to her, put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. "So you're telling me you can't be with more, or you want to stop being with me, so someone else's feelings don't get hurt?" She nodded. His voice was soft. If there was anyone she wanted to have in her life, if it couldn't be Isaac, she'd want it to be Jeremy. "Thank you for telling me, Trish." He smiled. "I like you a lot, and if you and this guy, who is a very lucky guy, ever define your relationship and non-existent, please call me." He let his arm fall off her shoulders and on to her hand. He kissed her cheek and turned away for a second. "Do you want to take this home, and I can just drive you home now? It's a little to awkward to actually finish this date, don't you think?" She nodded and wiped her eyes dry. "Thank you." Standing on her doorstep she sighed. "Thank you for being so understanding about this. I'm really sorry." "Don't be. You're trying to save someone some pain, you actually care about people. There aren't too many people like that in this world. The only thing I'm sorry about, is that it's not me who's going to get to love you." He kissed her forehead and walked away. Away from her, away from her house, and away from her life. "Isaac, I just sent an angel away from me for you, please don't turn me away now."
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