Things To Do During The Holidays
(or any ol' time)

Ok, so it's Christmastime. You're depressed. You're bored. You're nausiated. Here are some things you can do to pass through this season with more ease(note, some of these are jokes and should not be taken FOOL ;) ;) ;) But some are good to really fact alot are good anytime of the year.

(Don't like these? Think YOU can do better? Or just want to contribute? E-mail my ass!) And now, things to do:

Get a Tickle Me Elmo doll. Get a knife. Need I say more?

Send fake hate mail(send me some, while yer at it). Get creative. Rant and rave.

Get some cheap old broken up piece of furnature, and smash the hell out of it with a baseball bat.

If you're at a Christmas party, and are having a lousy time, try picturing everyone wearing nothing but jolly Christmas print underwear, strapped on raindeer horns, and Rudolf noses.

Go door to door Christmas carolling and sing NON-X Mas songs. (If you've got the guts, e-mail me about it and I'll post it here).

Take a bat, go for a drive, slam some plastic Satans and Doughmen. *Warning, if you are seen doing this, you may be beaten/arrested.

Put mistletoe up on men's public bathroom doors.

Watch X Files tapes, movies such as "Living In Oblivion"(Living In Oblivion ROCKS).

Put thick jungle print drapes on all the windows

Drink lots of lemonade


Dress up like St. Nick or some other X-mas charactor. Make the outfit look filthy and burned. Put on some fake wound make-up. Take a bottle of Jack Daniels, and go wandering around various places ranting and raving loudly about whatever you wish. Use lots of curse words. *Here too, you may be beaten/arrested.

Different version of above: After you dress up and get your make-up on, and go lye on a busy sidewalk, moaning.

Crank up some music. May I reccomend "Barney Sings Show Tunes"? Heh, just a little joke there.

Write letters of dissatisfaction to various places/companies. Ask for free stuff. (They will kiss your ass).

Throw an Not-Christmas party. Make your house really exotic and tropical seeming(those jungle drapes are perfect for this.) Invite all your nearest and dearest. If you HAVE no nearest and dearest, throw the friggin' party anyway and dance, sing, jump on/off of your stuff and generally fling yourself about your house wearing something that makes you laugh.

Sit at home and make little voodoo dolls from everyday objects you have lying around, then give them to people for gifts(wrap them in the sunday comics).

Go into Wal-Mart and show them how much you like the gun they sold you last week.

Draw a crappy comic strip about kicking Santa and friend's asses.

Do some hands-on work to help those in need(good anytime of the year).

Get into the tree lot at night and spray paint "COMMIES MUST DIE", on all the trees. *Warning, you may again be beaten/arrested.

Go to pages on the 'net and leave bizzare guestbook entries.

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