September 2002

 

Adam:  Why are you so bitter about the business building?

Annie:  When you walk in, they have condoms on the door so you won’t give the businessmen any diseases while they screw you.

 

Coming out of the shower, Annie saw a crew with CPFD on their t-shirts walking through the hall...

Annie:  Is everything ok?

CPFD:  Yeah, we're just doing rounds.

Annie:  I'm Annie, the RA...and I'm also naked.

CPFD:  We can see that.

 

Lisa:  Well I’m going to take a nap but I’ll see ya later honeybuns.  Oops, poor skills on my part, Sugarpuff…I mean babycakes…I mean fine ass…

 

Update from Rutgers:

Chris:  Death to the scarlet knight…and his evil minions.

 

Ben:  You have to see my room.

Missy:  Why?

Ben:  Because my shaft is large and well-hung.

 

Fox:  See, I knew you were all talk.

Annie:  What do you want me to do?  Go over to Van Munching and ride you on your desk? 

Fox:  Yes?

 

[While we're all dressed like Kyle for his birthday]

Kyle:  What a good-looking bunch you are!

 

Tobias:  If I were as good of an RA as Troy, I wouldn't get fired!

 

Steve:  So I’m going back to [football] practice later.

Annie:  Congrats!

Mike:  We knew you’d make the team. …Will you sign my breasts?

Steve:  [pause]

Annie:  You don’t have to sign his breasts.

Steve.  Thank you.

 

Annie:  Apparently the Rutgers football team has reached a new low…they were beaten by SUNY Buffalo.

Brian:  You mean Jason Crayne beat Christine?  Serves her right for those fucking stickers.

 

[On Allan not being able to roll Spanish R’s]

Annie:  It’ll improve with practice and with hearing native speakers say it.

Allan (Bostonian):  I’m from a place where they don’t even use the letter R.

 

Scotty:  I’d like to place an ordery for delivery.

 

Ski Club Representative:  Would you like to join the Ski Club?

Kate S.:  …But it’s still so warm out!

 

[Watching Stacey & Erica try to move Stacey’s 400-lb. dresser]

Kevin V.:  Do you have metal clothes?

 

Kevin V.:  I can’t wait until tomorrow for the new issue of The Back Door!

 

Brian:  Every time I call you, I’m going to say, ‘Is Ann there?...oh hey, you’re a NERD!

Annie:  …except you don’t ever call me, so I don’t have anything to worry about.

Brian:  Tou-fuckin’-ché.

 

Brian (on RAing):  I’m not building a community, I’m buiding a regime.

 

Annie (to Brian):  If there is a God, then you’d be sterile.

 

Brian:  I am the only me-fucker in this relationship.

 

Brian:  Woodstock is the November 12, 1955 of Rock & Roll. 

 

Brian:  I make a lot of idle threats…it’s part of who I am.

 

Caleb:  A fart did not transcend from my ass to your leg!

 

[At the “One good thing” portion of our weekly staff meeting]

Tobias:  At my one-on-one with Sia, she told me I was doing a great job with my programs and paperwork, and told me that I was a good RA, and it made me feel so good inside.

Sia:  I didn’t say that!

 

Eric:  I think I’d be attractive to homosexuals.

 

Eric:  I am sure you will look damn hot…unless its [what you’re wearing is] a sleeping bag…but a sleeping bag does have its advantages.

 

Michelle:  Those pants show a lot of leg.

Annie:  …so?

 

Annie:  Now why am I a bitch?

Brian:  Why not?

Annie:  Touché.

 

Nick:  Nice hickey though.  I admired your work.

 

[Playing racquetball]

Casey:  I didn’t think you’d be this bad.

 

Annie:  Have you ever seen The Count of Monte Crisco?

Eric:  Have you ever read it?

Annie:  No, I haven’t.

Eric:  Oh come on, even I have read the book.  Actually, no, I think I just saw the movie.  Same thing.

 

Nick:  So the reading from the book of Eric good?

Eric:  I’m a real page-turner.

 

Josh:  So you live here now?

Annie:  What?

Josh:  So you live here now?

Annie:  Um, yeah.

 

Eric:  This girl is good.  I mean, she could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.  I’m kidding…no I’m not.

 

[In SPAN301 the Monday after running into the Pottery Barn in Chevy Chase]

Laura:  Was that you’re boyfriend you were with Friday night?

Annie:  Yeah.

Laura:  He is HOT.

 

Writers disparaging other writers at the 300-level:

Emily:  Wasn’t there an application process to get into this class?

 

[On the number of highways in the NY-tri-state area]

Eric:  Is there an off-ramp right into your garage?

 

Annie:  You’ve probably masturbated hundreds of times.

Eric:  In my life?  Oh, thousands!

 

Annie:  How old were you when you moved from Texas?

Eric:  I was seven.

Annie:  …And you don’t even have a twang!

Eric:  Oh I had a twang.  I had a beast twang.

 

Eric:  I’ve got to switch into MacGyver mode…

Annie:  Can’t you stop being a dork for two minutes?

 

[In Manhattan]

Eric:  How do you drive here?  There are so many traffic lights!

[The next day in Hereford, MD]

Eric:  Well, this is Hereford.  There’s the light.

 

08.02   10.02

 

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