Well well.... you want to read my life don't you?
But I'm sorry to say that it really long and has lots of grammatical mistakes...
But you know what I'm going to give it to you eaither way....
So here it is......
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I was 7 years old and lived in
an apartment in New York City. I met this boy, named TJ, and he lives in
my building. Ever since I met TJ, I fell in love with him. He had an older
brother that used to hang with my older brother. TJ and I were one year
apart and we both went to different schools. I went to public school and
he would go to Catholic school. TJ and I would get together
every other day. We would go to each other houses and play Nintendo, Power
Rangers toys, Pogs, and to there stuff. But most of the time we were
outside or in the basement of the building, showing off our new race cars,
pretending to be the Power Rangers and riding our bikes or with our roller
blades. Back then Power Rangers was a
big hit. Every where we would go there was the TV show, the movie, trading
cards, on the pogs and on Broadway. TJ would have all of the Power Ranger
toys. He would have the weapons, the action figure and all the accessories
you can think of. When we would ride or blade
down in the basement when it was winter, the super would get mad. He would
say to us that we were scratching the floors when we would break to stop
and blocking the people from walking in the basement. But during the
spring and summer, we would go out side to ride our bikes or with our
roller blades around the lobby or on the roof of the garage. It wasn't a
big area to ride our bikes or roller blades but at least it was bigger
then the basement and we had more fun then the basement. After a year or two, I wanted
to see his dick. I would beg him to see his dick and touch it. But I was
to scared to ask him that. So what I would do was, when we had to go to
the bathroom, I would ask him " let me see your dick TJ? " and he would
say ok. So I saw it. When we would get bored I would say to him " lets go
in the back of the basement and let me see your dick." And of course how
would say no and I would beg him to death. After begging him to death, we
went in the back of the basement and show each other’s dicks and touch
them. ( back then I thought it was fun to do. I didn't know any good
) Then one day we went to the
basement and I asked him if I can suck his dick. And he let me. I loved
sucking his dick. It felt so good. I would force him to suck mine and he
would. We would also lick each other butts and once we tried to stick our
little hard dick into each others ass. ( now I know that's means you
fucking some one ) After a while we grew apart
and promised not to tell any one what happened between us. ( at that time
I didn't know I was gay ) When I was twelve I went to
Hebrew school and I was picked to go to sleep away camp. The Jewish center
paid $1,000 and I had to pay the rest. And I agreed with it. The sleep
away camp was upstate in the Berkshires. At that time I was going to
seventh grade. I planed to go to the second half of the camp. Meaning I
went in August. The night before I had to
leave for camp, I packed my bags and said to everyone I loved them and see
you in a month. The next morning I had to wake up 6:30 by 7:00 AM, to get
ready and leave. The bus was at Shelter Rock Jewish Center. The bus would
leave at 10:30 but I had to be there at 10:00 to but all of my stuff in
the bus. We left the house around 8:00. Two hours later incase there was
some traffic on the road. The bus came at 10:00 I put my
bags underneath us. I kissed my mom good-bye and went on the bus. We left
from the Jewish center around 10:45. On the bus this kid came up to me and
said, " hi my name is Seth." He was a nice boy. We talked a little and
that's it. When I got there, it was so
cool. The campus was huge. I went to my bunk and I saw these kids. They
where crazy.. The bunk was a mess and the bathroom was disgusting. But the bad thing was, these
kids were really gay. They would hump every night especially on Friday
nights. I couldn't believe they were Jewish. They would also take shows
together. This is when I realized I was gay. When they told me to join
then I said no. When it was my first night I
away and I was scared. I missed my parents and my pet animal. The next day
when Seth say me upset he came up to me and said "what's wrong?" "I am
home sick" I said. He understood. He told me the first time he went to
this camp. We became good friends, at
camp. He wasn't like those gay kids. He was a straight kid. We would hang
out, went to the lake and swam in it. We had lots of fun. When it was the
last day at camp, we packed up. I asked Seth, where does he live and he
said he lived in Long Island. Plus he was going on my bus. So when we went on the bus, we
sat next to each other . Seth, Stephanie and I had lots of fun. We took
pictures and listen to the radio. The ride back was very long. It took
around 5-6 hours. When we got back to the Jewish Center, I saw my mother
crying out of joy. When I got out I ran to my mother. After kissing for
like a half a hour, I introduced my mother to Seth and his mother. We
exchanged numbers and went home. After a year later (13) 1 was thinking about Seth. I went to my bedroom and looking for his phone number. After looking for two days, Seth called me. I was so happy that he called. I
told him that I was thinking about him. After talking we exchanged AOL
screen names. One week passed. I IMED him and we made plans to meet each other. We went to the bowling ally in Long Island. I saw his sister Jana and her mother. My mother came too. His sister, Jana, is the pain in the ass. Seth calls he bean because she farts a lot. We would have sleepovers every
month. I would go over his house. We went to Blockbuster and rent games
and movies. We would stay up all night watching them and playing games on
the computer. One day my mother told me to
invite Seth over for a sleep over. I wasn't a big fan of bringing people
over. My older brother is a jack ass, My dad is like a chimney, and the
apartment was pretty bad, I was just embarrassed and scared. Before I
called him, I cleaned the house and my room. When I called him and asked
him, he said ok. So he came over my apartment and we stayed up watching
movies, playing games, on the computer. That same night he said to me lets
look at porn sites. Of course I said ok. We looked at them and I got a
little horny. I didn't get that horny because, I was used to looking at
gay pictures, I wasn't interested in straight porn. I didn't have any
feeling for girls. No one knew that I was gay. The next sleep over was at Seth house. I brought one of my brothers porn moves and watched it. Seth got really horny, So after watching it a little while Seth said can I hump you and I said ok. So he started to hump me and I felt his little dick rubbing against my dick. It felt so good. I got really horny. After the humping, I asked him
if he ever masturbated before. He said no. I knew he was lying to me. The
next night I was thinking to my self " if he is not like one of those kids
why did he hump me then. We would do this for a while. One night I slept over Seth
house and we did the usual. And I asked him if he ever jerked off again
and he said no again ( liar ) So I asked him do you want me to jerk him
off and he said sure. I started to jerk off his little dick, while doing
that I wanted to suck his dick so bad. But I was scared to. (present day)
I just don't want to be friends with him. It feels wired talking to him
now.. Since I told him that I was bi and I wanted to suck his dick. It
seems like we grew about. It also feels like Seth doesn't want to be
friends any more, and I don't want to be friends with him any more. One year later I told him that
I wasn't comfortable with the humping thing, I thought by doing that it
would make me gayer then I thought. So we stopped. After like six months I
told him that I might be gay or bi. The reason I told him that I was bi
because; I was in love with this girl named Marina. She was the perfect
girl. She wasn't one of those bitchy sluts. After Marina seeing me
depressed she said what wrong. I didn't want to tell her. I was scared.
But I told her because I was in love with her, after this we got closer.
She helped me out and I helped her out. But she had a boyfriend already.
Her boyfriend was 18. 1 really didn't like him that much. He was too old
for her and changed Marina a lot. She got an attitude and she
was losing he friends from this attitude, she got. I thought this
boyfriend had a bad influence on her, and I was right. At the end of the
school year she had broken up with him, but instead she went with his
cousin Eli. I liked him much better then the other one. He was one year
younger then the other and short. He wasn't the kind of person to change
her at all. He is a good man. One day during the summer I
called Marina to hang put just the two of us because we haven't seen each
other for two months. So I asked her if we should go to the movies, and
she said ok. I was very happy when she told me that she was bring Eli, I
really go mad. She has been with him for the whole summer and I haven't
seen her at ail. But I said she can bring him so she wont get mad. When I saw Eli and Marina, the made a perfect couple. We wanted to see American Pie, But the teller in the movie stall said to him he was under age. But how? The movie was rated R and that means seventeen and older. He was seventeen and older. So what he did was he asked this African American lady to go buy as three tickets and she did! It was unbelievable! So when the lady got the tickets, Eli paid her a big tip. Plus I wanted to pay for my ticket, but Marina said no. That really helped me. So far I have told two people.
Seth, and Marina, during the summer. During the school year I was thinking about telling it to two girls from the camp I have went too. I have told Stephanie and this other girl Jessica. They really didn't care because we haven't talked a lot, and see each other, Then I have told two other friends that went to my school. First I wanted to tell this girl Brigget, but one of her friends wanted to know what going on to and that was Natalie. Natalie was begging her to
tell her what's going on with me. So I said to Brigget that she can tell
Natalie. I really didn't trust Natalie in the first place. She was one of
the crazy girls that in Russell Sage she would make fun of me a lot with
her boy friend at that time. His name was Manny. I always thought he was
gay, because how he acts toward people. He had this hand thing that acts
like a girl, and with his high pitch voice. After telling Natalie everything about me, we got closer and closer. She would come to Forest Hills High School with Brigget, and we would go places like Internet Cafe or she would come over to my apartment After a period of time I was
starting to realize that I was liking her or I had a crush on her because
of her personality and even her looks. I told her that I liked her and she
would say to me that she is falling in love with a gay guy ( I thought I
was gay at that time not bisexual ). So we kind of tried to hit it off and
tried to be a couple. But it didn't work. It felt very weird. So I told her that it felt
weird and we decide to continue being a couple and no one knew that we
were one. Then during the school year
Soraya and I, started to talk and become good friends. Walked to school
and walked home. In Russell Sage and in elementary school we didn't like
each other and plus at that time we both had codies. Soraya and I both had Spanish,
Chemistry, Math and lunch together, so during those three periods we would
talk and talk. Especially in chemistry and math, she had trouble with it
and I would try to help and such. And for Spanish, she would help me
because I need help for it. During lunch Soraya and I sat
with Mayor, Ari, Jeanne, and the rest of the smart asses. They would talk
about school and work 24/7 and it drove us nuts. So we sat with Ellen,
Yael and the rest of the losers I though and smelled the table up. At lest
over there we didn't have to talk about school and work. We had fun
sitting there. During the days that Aris
friends are in lab he would sit with us. I thought Ari was gay cus how he
acts and talks but he wasn’t. I like him so much I think he was cute but
his teeth is yellow and his whole family is like this. I would get so
nervous with him. He would drink from my iced tea with out asking me, his
mouth all over it and taking food from me that he didn't ask at all. One day out table was very
crowded and we sat in a way like on leg under the table and one leg
outside. It felt so uncomfortable. I would get so horny and like oh god.
Soraya would see my face all read and getting nervous like hell. It was
funny in some ways. I will never forget that, during lunch I would help her with chemistry and try to help her cheat off of me. And I will never forget the days of the midterms and finals. Taping feet, hand, and coughing so she can cheat and pass on the final and midterm. Eventually I told her
that I has another side of me and that I was bisexual ( after hanging out
with Natalie I realized I was bisexual ). Soraya couldn’t believe me. She
was shocked like hell. But she said that this is who you are and you cant
change it and I wont treat you differently. I was so happy that she didn't
go crazy. During that time Soraya liked
this guy named Carlos. He was a little cute and she really had a huge
crush on him. Every time we talked on the phone or at school it was about
Carlos. But I didn't like him that much. In our math class there was
this freshman girl named Israt. She would talk to her because Israt was in
Carlos’s biology class. And Soraya would ask her what happen in class. I
started to be friends with her to and she would walk with us home. Israt was a smart ass in
everything, she was a nerd I say. Anyways we became friends with her. And
after a while she would come to Sorayas apartment and walk with us to
school. It was nice she came. We had fun walking to school. She would see me depressed
sometimes and ask me what's wrong and I say nothing. But she knew I was
gay or bisexual. How I acted and I how walked and dressed. During lunch Ellen and I got
closer and started to talk on the phone and internet. I liked it in a way
talking to her. I kind of feel in love with her. She didn't look that
pretty, I don’t look what's the out side; I look what's the out side.
Unlike others people fall in love or have a crush on the outside. We talked for a while and I
became friends with Marcella, Ellen friend. After talking to her for like
two month I told her that I was bisexual and she went crazy and she said,
“ I cant believe this, are you sure that you are gay or bisexual”. And I
told her “yes I am sure, I have don’t it with guys like jerking them of or
giving blow jobs”. She couldn’t believe this. After all this I told her that
I had a crush on her and she wasn’t shocked. In some way she knew I liked
her. She wanted to going out with me as a friend so nobody would
think I was gay. And I said no to her. And she said this is going to be
for your own good and I said no. Anyways while this was going
on, almost end of the fall term. This girl came up to Soraya and asked her
“ do you like Carlos or something” and this girl was Wiame. Soraya didn't
like her that much from Sage. After Soraya knew that Carlos hangs out with
her and her group. So Soraya became good friends with her and started to
hang out with her. But Carlos had to break her
heart. Carlos told Wiame to tell Soraya that I don’t like you and leave me
alone. After that everything got messed up between Carlos and Soraya.
Soraya was asking me how could he do this to me and such. I really did
know what to say. I told Soraya to forget about him and he is a fucken
jerk. And she is trying to. During the fall term I mad a
big mistake. There was this Russian kid in my chemistry class. He was the
gayest kid and people would make fun of him. One day in chemistry this kid
Artem started to stare at me and I wanted to say why are you staring at me
fag. I knew his number and I called
him. I told him what do you like me or something. And he says yes, I am
gay. And I said are you serious and he said yes. I tried to tell him that
he isn’t gay or anything and he better not like me. And some how he got
out of me that I was gay. I don’t remember how he got it out of me but her
did. I couldn’t do anything. Since
that day he was starting to harassing me and making fun of me and calling
me a fag. I wanted to punch him like hell, but I am not like that. I want
to kill him so bad to. So I didn't care and I ignored him. For spring term Soraya and I
had Spanish together only. No chemistry and no lunch. She was upset. In my
chemistry class Peter was in my class and had Mrs. Bohlman again and I was
happy. I was even happy that I had Mrs. Woo again for math. In my chemistry class there
was this girl Kim. We didn't talk that much but after school I would see
her because Wiame knows her and they are best friends. And Soraya was
hanging out with Wiame so I hang out with them too. These girls hang out with
these skater boys, and I hate them so much. So Kim and I would hang out
and talked. I told her that I was bisexual and she didn't care she started
to ask me these questions for like giving head and such. After hanging out with Kim and
Wiame, there was this skater boy named Miguel and he asked Kim who was I.
And she said I was this kid from her school and was in her chemistry. I
didn't like these skater boys so I didn't pay attention. But I had this
little thing for one of them and his name was Rob. He was cute for me and
I tried to stay away from him. When guys talk to me, I would get nervous
like hell. So never talked to any one. One day I am talking to Kim
and she says that Miguel said hi to me and I gave him a dirty look like
who the hell are you and I didn't realize that I did that. Plus I am not
like that to give a dirty look. I would of said hi but maybe that day I
was depressed ort mad at some one. Kim also said that this was a while ago
and I felt even more worse. So the same day I IMED him
online saying I am so sorry that I gave a look and such. And he said no
problem and we started talking. He was a nice and good boy. He doesn't do
drugs or anything like that. One day during lunch Miguel
come up to me and says “do you want to come sit at our table”. I got so
nervous and I was thinking that he knows something about me. And I said
“no I want to sit my with my friends”. And then her calls up his friends,
Rob, Luis and this short blond kid. Miguel said “ what are you trying to
say that we are boring or something”. And I said “ mo its that I have
known them longer and I would like to sit here”. I was sitting with Jeanne and
Yuriy at that time. I was like scared like hell and I wasn’t thinking
straight. And I was red and sweating like hell. This girl Bella from fall
chemistry class said to me that you would be interested with this guy and
I said who ( she knew I was bisexual I told her ). And she said Eric this
kid from my chemistry. I said to her is he a pot head and she said yes. So
I was like no thanks I hate people that do drugs. But this kid Eric was
straight out gay. Dressed like one but don’t act like one. One day Eric sits at my table
because he is in Jeanne and Yuriys chemistry class. This kid was all over
people and even me. I wanted to tell him can you stop being all over me.
That same day these dirty Russians started to pick on him cus he was gay
and Dmitry was sitting with us too. He was cutting class. HAHA. He wanted
to beat them up so bad I could see it in his face. That night I told Bella what
happen and I asked for his screen name so I can tell him not worth beating
them up. So I IMED him and I said that to him he flipped out on me I was
like ok do whatever you want and he said thanks and I said ok
whatever. After that I IMED him with a
different name and saying I was bi and I lived in California. He believed
me. Lol. So I talked with him for like 2 month and I got tired of him and
I said you know what I lied and I got to Forest Hills High School and
signed off. Oh well what can I say.. The
last time I was writing in this was last year in ninth grade. And I really
don’t remember that much since then, but I will start off with the
beginning of tenth grade. During the summer I would hang
at with Marcella and talk to her on the phone and being paranoid all the
time. So one day I was with Soraya at my place, and Marcella said to come
over I have some one here to talk to you about being gay and that crap. I
was like to Soraya should I got or not. So I went and there was this big
kid named mike. I have seen him on the streets and I would tell Soraya her
was gay cause how he walks and his looks. Well I came in and I sat on
the couch as far as away from him as possible. When I sat he jumped on my lap and
like started talking with this high pitch voice, which sound so gay. I
really didn’t care if he was on my lap but he was heavy so I tried to get
him off of me. All of a sudden he kiss me on
the lips. First off I was shocked. The first kiss has to come from a guy??
I was like oh my god. Marcella started to laugh and I was like shut up
that was not funny. And he did it over and over and over which I waned to
die. He wouldn’t leave me alone. After all the kissing I got
very emotional. I started crying to Marcella and Marcella didn’t know I
was gay or bi. So I was like now she knows I am. So I took her into her
moms room and stared crying. I said to her I was bi at least. She said I
knew already. Ellen and her sister told the whole world. I was like what
the fuck. So she called Mike in, and we talked. After that I was like
whatever, and went back to the living room. Leaving to the living room,
mike and I fooled around. Marcella left us alone and Mike and I were a
little horny and we fell asleep on the couch. When he kissed me again, I
have him a kiss back, plus we frenched. After him leaving I got
paranoid. I said to Marcella he is going to tell the world on me and other
crap. So later on I got to know him better and I talked with him online.
Well he seemed a cool kid but I was still scared to talk to him. So after a while I talked with
him online and we met up one day.
It was before school so I really didn’t care. But then I didn’t
like him anymore and tried to stay away from him. School started and Kim and I
weren’t that close any more. Something happened and I don’t remember. But
I remember that Soraya, Kim Miguel and I had this huge fight, like 3 days
before Kims birthday. Soraya and Miguel weren’t friend anymore, Kim and
Miguel weren’t friends anymore, but some how in a blue moon day Kim and
Soraya said sorry to each other. I was shocked. I don’t remember the rest
but I will some how do. Well I join this two-year program called Academy of Public Service. I met some new friends like Patrika, Arati, Pranav, and Jane, and some other from the senior class like Gio, Chris. I got closer with Amanda a girl I have known from sixth grade and this girl Taly from English. I started to like Taly a
lot. I thought she was attractive and has a good personality. So I became
closer with her. People thought in our class that we were dating, which we
weren’t. I was to scared and she was scared to. I was really confused
whether I was gay or bi. But of course I didn’t tell
Taly that I was bi or gay because I was to scared and not I wasn’t sure I
was gay. Well we got really close as friends and I always say to my self “
when you get close to a girl that you like and become friends its to late
to date her.” I kept it like that for a while thinking I am idiot to think
that. Taly and I would to everything
together. Sit together at lunch, sell pretzels, and talk when we have
teachers that were absent. We also had 5 classes together which made it
hard for me to handle. It wasn’t an easy thing to control your self when
you like a girl. You would like to be honest with her as much as you want
but you can’t. It was hard being my self around her. I had to act proper,
not make a gay move, and not talk about other guys. One day getting really bad at
Soraya I did a stupid thing. I called Mike and said I want to come over
his house. I did it was a Saturday. I went over and we fooled. We did crap
like kissed a lot and did some blow jobs. But his sister was going crazy
wanting to see me. But after that his mom came home. So I said we will
continue this tomorrow at my house. On Sunday her came over and I
was scared my neighbors seeing me with a weird kid. When we got in I was
nervous, I was about to kick him out. I toke my time getting comfortable
with him and I didn’t kiss him yet. After a while we got undressed and
went to bed. We kissed a few times but I wasn’t enjoying it. But I can say
the hickies he gave was enjoyable. On Monday I was like oh my
god, what of Taly find these three huge hickies. But course I said to Taly
it was a girl. I said it was Natalie a girl that didn’t go to our school.
Well half of it was true. It took like a week to get rid of these hickies.
Everyone thought I had done something with a girl and I was like yea yea.
But you know it really hurts when I can’t be my self around others that
don’t know I am gay or bi. Two days later when Marcella
found out that I have spent the day with Mike she freaks out. She told me
that “ you promised that you would never do such a thing, and you said you
hated him.” So I am like whatever. Well she was saying it out of her own
good for me because Mike was spreading shit about me, what we have done. I
really wanted to kill him so bad. I told him “its not right to tell others
what we did in private moment.” All off a sudden he turns so gay and
started acting like me. I really got offended and I left. To my self I thought this
would get to Taly and she would freak out. Eventually it didn’t get to her
but it went to other that didn’t know I was gay or bi. During the school year and
being in APS, I got much closer with Amanda. We became good friends. We
helped each other out when we went through hard times. When I became
closer with Amanda and when I realized she could handle the little secret
I have, I told her slowly. First I hinted that I have done stuff with guys
when I was a kid and regret doing it. Amanda was shocked. She couldn’t
believe this. I was relieved that I told my little secret some how. It
really hurts when I cant be my self with others. But at the same time it
kills me when I cant be honest with Taly. Since then Amanda and I became
closer. I even told Arati what I have done I was a kid. She really didn’t
care that much. I only told them because I knew they would be cool with it
because Patrika is bi…. Well what can I say, forgot the rest… Anyways I met Monica in April during spring break. It was a couple of friends with Rachel that brought along Monica. We started talking and became close. I kinds liked her since it was easy to talk to. |
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