Disney would be so Mad!!!

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked
stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in

the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises
to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball,
but only on two conditions.

"First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees.

"What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2 a.m.
Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.

The appointed hour comes and goes and Cinderella
doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking
love?struck and **very** satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother.
"Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three
hours ago!!!"

"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"

"I can't remember, exactly ... Peter Peter, something or other..."

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Did you hear that Captain Hook died from jock itch?

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Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods, so she ran
up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on
his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

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Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods
when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a

tree and, holding a machete to her throat, said, "Red, I'm
going to screw your brains out!"

To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her

picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No you're
not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"

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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court
and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your
wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "No I didn't. I said she is fuckin' Goofy."

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Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes
complain about splinters whenever they had sex. Pinocchio,
therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help.

Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever
indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.

A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing
happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?

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