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Na-na na-na na-nah!

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some

pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after

receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that

if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my

horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,

If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you

kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this

enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I

mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my

daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were

screams of laughter.

Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia


It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my

parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a

romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the

telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a

piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we

didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs,

the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,


My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents,

cousins and all my friends were standing there. My girlfriend and I were

frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an

eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.

Tim Cahill, Poughkeepsie, New York

Mom's Advice

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming

around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to

find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he

had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone

his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to

his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went

back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis

hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed. "I

did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon,

she'd come and pick me up from school."

Chris Vaught

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,"
the mother warns. "It is not polite."

"Ok," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal
questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and
daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends
begin to play.

"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl
says to her friend.

"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look
at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it
has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
"I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find
that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in
heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why
you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."
This is what happens when people get too curious about other peoples business.