pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that
if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were
screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia
parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a
romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the
telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a
piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we
didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs,
the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,
My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents,
cousins and all my friends were standing there. My girlfriend and I were
frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an
eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.
Tim Cahill, Poughkeepsie, New York
around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to
find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he
had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone
his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to
his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went
back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis
hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed. "I
did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon,
she'd come and pick me up from school."
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,"
the mother warns. "It is not polite."
"Ok," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal
questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and
daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends
begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl
says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look
at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it
has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
"I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in
heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why
you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
This is what happens when people get too curious about other peoples business.