The script to the "Day Before Christmas" episode of Animaniacs Written by: Randy Rogel and Tom Ruegger Abbreviations: Dr. SnS is Dr. Scratchansniff Exec. is Thadius Plotz, CEO of Warner Brothers Studio Y,W,D are Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, respectively Slappy: Twas the day before Christmas and winter's deep freeze; But in Burbank, LA, it was ninety degrees. Now tonight is the night Santa comes to the lot, Bringing presents for Yakko, Wakko, and Dot. The kids were excited. They rushed to prepare. But others looked on with a growing despair. Exec.: These gifts for the Warners, someone's got to see to it, They must be delivered. I want you to do it. Dr.SnS: But I did it last year, or have you forgot? Those kids drove me bonkees and kissed me alot. They made me stay up singing carols all night. And then I got creamed in that big pillow fight. Nurse: But why bring them presents, when Santa will do? Exec: It's a clause in their contract. If we don't they can sue. There must be a person who'll deliver this stuff. But where can I find someone stupid enough? Ralph: Duh...Goodnight Mr. Costner, go ahead, pass on by. Merry Christmas- Mindy: -Ok, I love you, bye bye. Ralph: Uh, good night Mr. Hippo. Flavio: Good night to you, too. Marita: Come along, Flavio. We've more shopping to do. Runt: I'm hungry. Rita: Be quiet! We don't wanna get caught. There might be some trash cans with food on the lot. Ralph: Uhhh.. G'night, Mr. Keaton. That's a lovely sedan. Exec.: Give him a Santa suit! Ralph is our man! Y: So, twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house D: Some creatures were stirring... W: ...including a mouse! Brain: Tonight, my dear Pinky, our plan is unfurled. We'll steal Santa's sleigh and take over the world. Pinky: Brain, you're a genius! You simply astound me. Brain: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Pinky: Narf! Brain's gonna pound me. D: The stockings were hung so our names clearly showed, W: In hopes that old Santa would leave a big load. Y: (*MWAH!* Goodnight, everybody!) The children were nestled all fast in their beds, W: While visions of sugarplums danced in our heads. (Deeeee- licious!) Y: We were all feeling tired when we turned out the light. ... Forget it, there's no way I'm sleeping tonight. D: When out on the lot there arose such a rumble. Y: We sprang from our beds... W: ...and we all took a tumble. Y: And what through our wondering eyes did we view? D: But a cat and a dog in the garbage. Pee-yew! Y: Then to our surprise we heard distant banters, of a miniature sleigh and eight pigeons with antlers. Pesto: I'm dyin' here...uh! Squit: ...this sure ain't no fun. Bobby: The guy in the suit, he must weigh a ton. D: With a little old driver so lively and quick, W: We knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick. Ralph: Duh.. Now Bobby, now Squit, now Pesto, now Vixen on Comet, on Cupid, on Richard and Nixon. To the top of the tower, come on now, let's fly! Pesto: I just got a hernia thanks to this guy. Y: So up to the rooftop Santa was hurled. Brain: As soon as it lands we'll take over the world! (Crash!) ... Pinky, I am in considerable pain. Pinky: Narf! Zork! Poit! Gak! I'm with you brain. Y: It was a time of excitement, the moment drew near. D: There was no doubt about it... W: ...Santa was here!! Squit: Your antlers look cute, Pesto. Pesto: All right, that's it!! Bobby: Yo, Pesto, it's Christmas. Quit whackin' on Squit. Y: And while the pigeons with antlers were having their kicks, Santa fell through the roof, like a sack full of bricks. D: He was dressed all in fur, with a glaze in his eyes. Cause the fall knocked him silly. Ralph: Uhh...Happy Easter you guys! W: His face, how it twinkled! His dimples, how merry! D: His cheeks were like roses. Y: His gut, that was scary. W: He spoke not a word, but instead went right to it. He emptied his bag. Ralph: Ahhhh! that oughta do it. Y: Then laying his finger inside of his nose, (which the dear network censor finds totally gross.) W: Lumbering up the tree trunk he rose. D: He sprang to his sleigh, and signaled the flock. Ralph: Duuuh, giddy-up, birdies! Y: Then they dropped like a rock. W: As we heard him exclaim, from up high in the sky... Santa: Seasons greetings to all! Y: And we saw him fly by. Runt: Thanks Santa! Rita: We mean it! Runt: Yeah, thanks a whole lot! Santa: And Merry Christmas to Yakko, Wakko and Dot. Skippy: And Merry Christmas, Aunt Slappy. And to you girls and boys. As for me (Yawn!).... I'm going downstairs to open my toys!