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When a woman considers placing her child for adoption, many times she is told by other “birthmothers” or “life mothers”, friends, family, co-workers or total strangers that she is making the biggest mistake of her life, that neither she nor her child will ever be able to get beyond the adoption, that she will regret and mourn her loss forever and the child will grow up without the ability to relate or form meaningful relationships because she did not raise them.

While this may have been true of some adoptions in the past…it is not carved in stone. Both birthmoms and children placed for adoption CAN thrive. Birthmothers can move beyond that one event in their lives to carry on and lives their lives to the fullest!

The key to being able to thrive after placing a child for adoption is KNOWLEDGE. Women contemplating placing a child for adoption must go through a well thought-out, soul-searching process. You must honestly answer many questions. If you are not 100% comfortable with placing your child, you are far more likely to have regrets later on. Counseling, either professional or not, is extremely important. Every woman in this situation needs a sounding board, someone who will not try to urge her to place or keep her child. As a woman goes through this process, she needs to look at many criteria. Does she want an open , semi-open or closed adoption? Does she want to work through an agency, a lawyer or through “the state”? If she wants an open or semi-open adoption…what does that entail from her standpoint? What criteria are important for her in the family who will adopt her child? Is religion, culture, language, race, sexual orientation or education of the adoptive family important? Does the proximity of the adoptive family matter?

Knowledge of the world of adoption is difficult to gain in the short period of time most women have between realizing they are pregnant and giving birth. That is why it is crucial that you know as much as you possibly can, as soon as you can, as to what your choices are. And, when you have that knowledge, if you still decide to relinquish your child for adoption…you will have the opportunity to do it with the peace of mind that it is the right decision for you.