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Season 7, Episode 4
Buffy: I am so ready for my first day as an employee
of Sunnydale High School! ...... I know, same people in my
position would be running frantically for the bus station with a
one-way ticket out of town, but heck, when the going gets tough,
the tough can always blow up the school again.
Kid: Heeeeeey. I've got a problem Ms. Counselor-type-person.
Buffy: Ooo! My first traumatized high schooler ever! Fire away with your most horrible, deepest pain! Believe you me, I can handle absolutely anythi---
Kid: Okay, then. Two words. Erectile dys---
Buffy: Oh dear god.
Peter: See, I'm lamely skipping class here, so...
Buffy: Du-ude! You're that kid from "Home Improvement"! God, I loved that show! Just all those accidents and--- *lets loose with a Tim Allen man-grunt*
Peter: Hmmm. Class not sounding so bad right about now.
Buffy: *giggles* *more grunting*
Cassie: Hi. I'm, uh... gonna die. (pause) Seeya!
Buffy: Ah. Okay. (longer pause) Hey, wait just a minute!!
Cassie + Boy: We could be a real couple, you know? Just take the time to get to know each other--
Dawn: Hiii! I'm not here because my sister told me to, no siree!
Cassie - Boy: Thanks, relationship-wrecker.
Dawn: Hey, no! That's my sister's title, not me! I just... I want... I... *sigh* I suck.
Buffy: Willow, we need research. A girl at the high school is gonna die and---
Willow: --- this would be news, how?
Cassie: Hi. I'm gonna die.... still.
Xander: So this is Cassie Imgonnadie, then?
Buffy: What was your first clue?
Cassie: Gonna disappear conveniently again.
Buffy: 'K. Works. (even looonger pause) Hey, wait! And.... stop doing that!
Buffy: Knock, knock.
Spike: Who's there?
Buffy: Spike, come out of the basement and help me out with this fatalistic girl on my caseload.
Spike: "Spike, come out of the basement and help me out with this fatalistic girl on my caseload", who?
Spike: Eeeerrr.... I mean, "Nobody here but us dustmites!" Or was that, "Must find the precious!!!!"
Buffy: Not impressed with the pop culture reference either.
Spike: Smeagle must--- Aw, screw it.
Buffy: No thanks. Did a little too much of that last season.
Peter: Hey, Summers! You suck!
Cassie: True. But, hey! Wasn't he on that "Home Improvement" show a few years back?
Dawn: (evil laugh) If you listen carefully, you can hear the whoosh of his career going down the industry toilet....
Peter: (to his circle of red-robed pals) So.... who here's seen "Reptile Boy"?
Buffy: I'm here to stop you.
Spike: We must follow the Master! Master loves us! Master has the preciou---
Buffy: Oh SHUT UP!
Peter: And I'm supposed to be intimidated by this?
Buffy: You're just lame! You're lame... lameness!
Peter: *rolls eyes*
Buffy: *punches him in those rolling eyes* Stupid kid protegy.
Peter: Ooooowww! Oh that is it! You've messed with me for the last time. Not only do you spoil my demon-raising ritual, (whiny voice) you ruined my cover as a recovering child staaaaar!! WAAAAH!
Buffy: Please. The second you came on screen the audience pointed and said, "It's Brad Taylor"!
Brad ("Peter"): Shut up! You mean. *runs away into the night*
Buffy: Yay! I beat the bad guy, stopped the demon, and saved the girl.
Cassie: Gak. *dies of natural causes*
Buffy: Uhm... well, 2 out of 3, then.
Buffy: It's just not fair! She died.
Xander: How could she die?
Willow: How could she die like that?? Nobody on this show dies that way. Why, when I was killing, I made these deaths far more---
Buffy & Xander: *stare*
The little Grr! Argh! demon runs across the screen... away from Willow.
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