----- CRUSH -----
Season 5, Episode 14

Xander: And the Bronze looks different for the millionth time because?
Willow: Got trashed again.
Tara: Actually, it's an excuse to remodel the set and drive up production costs. Shhh. Out little secret.

Dumb Guard: Oh look. No one came off the train. I think I'll go walk inside this dark and intimidating box car while the oh-so creepy music is playing... looks safe enough.

Harmony: Hi! I'm back! They finally decided to give me some lines, so let's pretend like I've always been here, cool?
Spike: As long as I can pretend you're Buffy during our raunchy sex games.
Harmony: Oh. Well, sure. I guess that works.

Dawn: I want a bedtime story!
Spike: How about an oral history of all the people I've maimed and slaughtered throughout the centuries?
Dawn: YAY!

Dawn: Spike so wants you.
Buffy: Wha--?
Dawn: You didn't notice, eh?
Buffy: O-O-O-Of course! Just... playing dumb is all.
Dawn: Yeah. "Playing".
Buffy: Shut up!

Spike: Buffy, I.. I love you.
Buffy: So I heard.
Spike: Hey! Who told? Spoil all my fun!

Dru: 'Allo Spoike.
Spike: Hello flashback to the second season.

Spike: What's up with the shriekin' girl onstage who thinks she's singin'?
Dru: Let's go boite somethin'.
Spike: But she's-- wait. Is that even a she up there?

Dru: The fish eat mah furnature an' mariachi men breed low wattage penmanship. Evah notice that?
Buffy: Been done. Loosing your edge, pookie?
Dru: Wot? Boo! Who?
Buffy: My mom. Four episodes back.

Ben: Oh no! Glory been sucking brains again?
Buffy: Nah. This is Drusilla. She came this way, so far as we know.
Dru: (singing) "Weeeee are the chaaaaampions... my frieeeeends...."

Buffy: What are you doing here, anyway? You aren't in this episode!
Ben: Blame a guy for wanting lines. I'm needy and the author took pity on me.
Buffy: (to author) You suck.
Author: Shut up. I could smite you down right here and now.
Buffy: Bah. I don't believe it.
Author: *SMITE*
Buffy: Oh fudge.

Buffy: Here, Drusilla. Let me help you.
Dru: Oi'm evil, 'membah?
Buffy: Yeah, but we all want to mutually kick Spike's ass, so...
Dru: Good point.

Buffy: You're sick.
Spike: I love you!
Buffy: *SMACK*
Spike: *THUNK*

Spike: 'Ey! Who elected me the Graham replacement? I miss a vote? Memo?

(The little Grr-Argh! demon struts across the screen)

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