----- BEER BAD -----
Season 4, Episode 5

Giles: Previously on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'...

Parker: Sleep with me.
Buffy: Okay.

Parker: I'm done with you now, Sex 'n Go.
Buffy: WAAH!

Xander: Forget about Five Minutes... Four lines and you have this relationship summed up.
Giles: Well.... yes.... but.....
Xander: But then you don't get your "way cool" voiceover?
Giles: You make it sound so shallow.

Xander: Hi ladies. I'm the new bartender!
Buffy: And thus begins the string of Xander-Jobs that are all doomed to crash and burn. Some literally.
Willow: That bad, huh?
Buffy: Two words-- Ice Cream Truck
Xander: That's three.
Buffy: (counts on fingers) Oh shut up. I have a relationship headache.

Riley: Hi. I'm oafish and clumbsy in a charming sort of way.
Buffy: I remember.
Riley: So.... date?
Buffy: Still no. Points for persistence, though.

Xander: Hi... FLIRT... there.
Girl: Oooo. Hiya.
Girl's Date: Hi. I'm cooler than you are. Go away or I'll unload a bunch of big words upon your head.
Xander: Uhh... Marph. (walks off)

Buffy: Parker's a sex fiend!
Xander: Aaaand you're just figuring this out now?
Buffy: I thought you were supportive Bar Tender guy, not Tear Down Best Friend guy!
Xander: Well, Buff. You did ingore "signs".
Buffy: "Signs"?
Xander: Such as the T-Shirt he was wearing that said: "Hi. I'm a sex fiend"?
Buffy: Okay. I suck.

Willow: Hey Oz. How's the subplotline coming along?
Oz: Veruca's real hot.
Willow: Aah. "Good" then.

Xander: Maybe you'd feel better doing something nice and safe---
Buffy: Ooo! Beer!
Xander: Nnnot exactly what I was--- Ehh. She should be alright. Not like it'll turn her into a caveman or anything.

Guy #1: Blah, blah, blah...
Guy #2: Blibbity-blah, blib.
Buffy: Oooo. Boys smart. Me like.
Xander: Okay, so a guy can be wrong....

Willow: No no no no no no! Parker's bad! And beer's bad!
Xander: Both of which she's had waaaay too much of in her system lately.
Willow: So why'd you let her have it?
Xander: Parker? Well---
Willow: No! Beer! And... you have a really sick mind.

Buffy: & Guys: *GRUNT, SNORT, HOWL*
Xander: Now seeing why that underage drinking law is on the books.

Parker: See, girls are hot. I like 'em quite a bit and---
Willow: Not disagreeing with you, but---
Parker: Wha---?
Willow: Ooops. My bad. My future me must be showing again.

Xander: Something's quite amiss here.
Boss: What makes you say that?
Caveguy #1: Arrrroooowww!
Caveguy #2: Ug like pretty chair.
Toilet: *WHOOOOSH*
Caveguys: Ooooo!!
Xander: Oh, just a hunch.

People: *STARE*
Caveguys: AAaaaauuuuueeeee!!!
Xander: (giving chase across campus) S'cuse us, folks. Uhm... history club coming through. Reinactment day. Cool costumes, huh?
Girl: Good makeup, then.
Xander: And Drama! We're the... History of Drama... Club.

Giles: So what have you all been up to lately while I was among the unemployed?
Caveguys: Woman boobies! Ooo-ooo-ahh-aah!
Buffy: Parker bad. Beer good. Dirt tasty.
Xander: (singsong voice) Oh nothing.

Parker: You are so the one for me, Willow.
Willow: And you're--- a slimeball. Oh Caveboys? Feeling like a ritual sacrifice?
Caveguys: Ooo-oooo! Fire good!
Parker: *GULP*
Willow: Ha. Teach you to flirt with this future lesbian. Mwahaha!

Giles: Curious. What do these symbols scrawled on Buffy's wall in... Covergirl... mean?
Xander: Clever corporate underwriter placement?
Buffy: Buffy give hernia.
Giles & Xander: Eh oh.

Xander: Giiiles! Problem! Well... new problem... Looks like the Cavefrats just discovered fire.
Giles: Well good for them! They're evolving.
Xander: By lighting half the campus up like a Christmas tree?
Giles: Nnnot so good.

Buffy's Common Sense: (floating several miles above Buffy's head) Good girl. Now save Willow. Yeeess... Jump out the window... Yee haw! I've been on vacation since "Living Conditions" started. Who says you need to have complete control of your common sense to be a hero?
Buffy: Need to poop. Poop now.
Buffy's Common Sense: Evidently a very smart man.

Giles: Well, we've all once more come through a crisis relatively unscathed.
Xander: All except for Buffy's pride but you know...
Giles: P-pride?
Xander: You really don't want to see what our Slayer pal is doing over there in the bushes.

Parker: I suck. Forgive me and be my bed buddy again?
Buffy: *stare* *THWAP*
Willow: Now if only she'd remember this for later in the season with Riley....

(The little Grr! Argh! demon runs across the screen.. chased by the caveboys...)

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