----- THE PUPPET SHOW -----
Season 1, Episode 9

Buffy: This week I face the darkest of all evil---
Willow: Cheerleaders again?
Buffy: No! The other dark evil---
Willow: Mystery meat at the cafeteria?
Buffy: Alright, so maybe there are lots of dark evil-things.
Willow: Which one did you mean?
Buffy: Since you ruined my intro, I'm not telling.
Willow: Awww! No fair!

Girl: Walk. Walk. Walk. SCREEEEAM! *THUD*

Willow: Now will you tell me what it is?
Buffy: NO!... Well, okay... but I can't believe you couldn't figure that out from the ep title.

Angel: Hey. I'm not supposed to be in this episode, but in the search for screen time I'll just audition for the talent show and....
*commercial flips onscreen*
Angel: NO FAIR!

Giles: And what is our next act's talent?
Buffy: She's dead!!
Giles: And yet, still more talent than that clog dancing troop.
Xander: Infinately less terrifying.

Angel: "I am the Vampire... Goo-goo-ge-joob...."

Cordelia: "What would you think if I sang out of key?... Would you stand up and walk out on me?"
*all rush for the exits*
Cordelia: Hey! I didn't mean literally!

Principal Syder: You suck. Sorry... gotta run. I have another show over at Paramount to get to.... *ZOOM*
Others: Weeeeeird.
Buffy: Why couldn't someone eat him this season? Save us so much time.
Willow: And, apparently, him.

Principal Syder: (driving by) HAHAHAHA! Eat my shorts! I have TWO hit shows!

Xander: So we have to audition for the talent show. Wonderful.
Buffy: We could.... do shadowpuppets with our hands?
Sid: You call?
Buffy: Shadow puppets. Not possessed manaquins. And why don't you have someone's hand shoved up your butt?
Sid: Not answering that question. So not answering that question.

Willow: Ooo! I know! Band! We could be a band!
Xander: Like the Beatles? Groovy!
Willow: I could be George since I'm quiet a lot... Buffy could be Ringo since she's good at hitting things... Giles could be John since he used to be a wild rocker back in the day...
Giles: They aren't supposed to know about that yet!
Willow: Ooops.
Xander: Who could I be?
Willow: Erm. Paul, I guess...
Xander: Because I'm the cute one, right?
Willow: No... because he's the only one left.
Xander: Meh.

Buffy: What's up with all the long shots? I mean, I enter a room and----
*camera wanders south*
Buffy: Yeesh. Not this again. YOO-HOO? Guys? My face is up here!

Buffy: I'm hearing the pitter-patter of little feet in my room!
Joyce: Oh, honey! I knew I shouldn't have let you read that child birthing book.
Buffy: What? (pause) NO! I think I'm being stalked by Morgan's dummy, Sid, is all and---
Joyce: *STARE*
Buffy: Uh. Yeah. Bad book. Bad, Bad Book.

Sid: Don't kill me! I'm on your side!
Buffy: Don't believe you, possessed-dummy guy.
Sid: I'm serious!! I'm an ages-old demon hunter who has been trapped in this wooden body for all eternity. My soul, doomed to unspeakable torment until I can kill the last of the organ harvesting demons in the world!! Believe that?
Buffy: Well---
Sid: You have nice hair, did I mention that?
Buffy: Oooo. Okay. I believe you now!

Sid: You... will.... keep... fighting.... for me?
Buffy: (teary) Always.
Sid: Then I can die in peace.
Xander: *YAWN* Saw this done better in "Return of the Jedi".
Sid & Buffy: SHUT UP!

Joss: First thing next season we talk to wardrobe.
Camera Guy: Agreed! Buffy's skirts are just far too---
Joss: --- Short.
Camera Guy: (pause) Oh. Right.
Joss: What did you think I was going to say?
Camera Guy: N-nothing.

*CURTAIN OPENS*
Buffy: Uhhhhhh...
Giles: Oh sodding...
Willow: Eeeeep.
Xander: (off key) "We're Sargent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band...."

(The little Grr! Argh! demon putters across the screen in the Yellow Submarine)

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