Season 1, Episode 7
Master: Sulk, sulk. I'm stuck underground for the seventh
Colin: Lemme kill something for you!!
Master: Throw in negotiating with my agent and you have a deal, kid.
Willow: Kill a cockroach, get a free beer. Life should always be this simple.
Angel: Hey Buffy... watch out! *decapitates snarly demon*
Buffy: How romantic!! Ahhhhhh...
Xander: Oh yeah. They've got it bad.
Angel: Here, allow me to sleep on the floor next to you all night long. To... protect you, of course.
Buffy: Yes. And I'll pretend that we're not hitting the viewing audience over the head with just how much you and I are attracted to each other.
The Three: We suck. You may kill us for sucking.
Master: Works for me! *STAKE, KICK, POOF*
Buffy: And he's really cute! His name's Angel.. and he's pretty pale... skulks around in the shadows... I only see him at night and in the cemetaries... You know, I'm beginning to suspect that he's a---
Buffy: No, stupid. I was gonna say "late night DJ." Vampire? Puh-lease! No way in the world is he a---
Darla: Hey baby. Been a while. You didn't call.
Angel: Well, you know, for the first hundred years or so of our estrangement... no telephones.
Master: Angel... it's been a while. He didn't write.
Darla: No paper?
Joyce: Hello person who I've never met before. Why don't you come right on inside and get a really good look at my bare and exposted neck...
Darla: (vamps) Yay.
Darla: Angel! Do be a doll and hold this limp, bleeding body for me.
Angel: Sure. Where ya going?
Buffy: YOU ATE MY MOTHER!!
Angel: What?! No! See, this old girlfriend of mine named Darla wanted me to hold Joyce for a minute while she.... damn. Why didn't this reek of "setup" from the get go?
Giles: I came to wish you well. Pay my respects.
Joyce: How sweet and thoughtful. (pause) Wait. Isn't that something you say to a person who's dying?!
Angel: I'm a brutal, evil, ugly beast! Well, was at any rate. That was about the time I was cursed with a soul by this troop of really pissed off gypsies. (best dramatic voice) Now I am doomed to spend the rest of my eternal life atoning for my various hideous and brutal crimes against humanity. I am forever in torment and---
Buffy: Yeesh. This is already getting old and we still have two seasons of it ahead of us.
Darla: Don't worry. Bullaits cain't kill vampiahs. Can hurt 'em loike 'ell-- Wow. That sounded really southern all of a sudden.
Buffy: Ride 'em cowboy.
Angel: And they said she was the best actress money could hire.
Darla: Shut yer yap, pardner. *BANG*
Angel: Owie. Who said she could have a gun?!
Darla: Yee doggies! That hurt loike a son of a---- *POOF*
Master: GRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAGH!!! She was my favorite! How could he kill her like that?!
Colin: Well, the sudden accent did kinda reek of hokiness.
Master: Given. (pause) STILL IT BITES THE BIG ONE!!
Colin: I gotta find myself a new series. Something on NBC...
Angel: Look, this can't become anything--
Buffy: -- serious, I know.
Angel: So let's just torment ourselves by standing here, ever closer, until we touch and---
Both: *HARD KISS*
Xander: Who here didn't see that coming? Raise 'em high. I'm keeping a running tally here.
(The little Grr! Argh! demon waltzes romantically across the screen)
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