Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Musical Rolls Merrily Onward!
Heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses
Abandon their defenses......
(Angel, Wesley, Gunn, Cordelia, and Fred enter Karitas)
Wesley: -- God.
Cordelia: We were just leaving...
Angel: Wait. I like this song.
Cordelia: Stop him! Last thing we need is a broody vampire singing Andrew Lloyd Webber!!
Buffy: *shivvers* Got that right.
Wesley: Where'd you come from?
Gunn: Damn. Random guest appearances. This can only mean one thing.
Gunn: (jumps) Don't DO that!
Cordelia: It MEANS... we've just walked smack dab into another twisted musical.
Spike: Bugger. Didn't we just finish one of these things?
Sweet: (with a Strawberry Daquari in hand) Good memory.
Dawn: It's the singing demon! I thought you said we'd see you in hell. This isn't hell.
Wesley: (watches Angel who's eyeing the microphone greedilly) That's a matter of opinion, young lady.
Lorne: (stops in midsong) What's all this?
Dawn: EEEEEEP! It's another one!
Lorne: What do you have against my cousin?
Xander: Sweet Zeus. There are two of them. I'm shocked! Appaled!.... Eh, shouldn't really come as that much of a surprise, should it, folks?
Sweet: Hey Cous!
Lorne: Gimme some skin!
(They high five; everyone audibly shivvers)
Xander: Can I be blind now?
Gunn: Secondin' that motion.
Lorne: Jeremiah was a bullfrog---
Sweet: --- was a good friend of mine!
I never understood a single word he said
But I helped him drink his wine
And he always had some mighty fine wine!
Joy to the World!
All the boys and girls, now!
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea!
Joy to you and me!
Buffy: It's like a nightmare.
Anya: Nah, for that there would have to be---
(A conga line of bunny rabbits bounce out onto the dance floor and move about the interior of the bar)
Joy to the world!
All the boys and girls!
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea...
Xander: Quick! Someone sing something else before Anya has a heart attack!
Giles: What should we sing?
Xander: ANYTHING! I'm despirate!
Wesley: (snags the microphone) Uhmmmm...
Just take it out back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
No need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me....
Xander: (whimpers) Not that despirate!
Angel: (takes the microphone)
A Ba-ba-ba Ba-babara Anne
Gunn & Giles:
Ba-ba-ba Ba-babara Anne
Take my ha-a-and...
Xander: OR THAT! I need something to bring her out of it! Not put her deeper into a coma.
Anya: (sits bolt upright; Xander shrugs) Ooo! Was that the Beach Boys?
Cordelia: Not even close. More like a vampire, two English guys, and a vampire hunter set on scarring me for life.
You got me rockin' and a-rollin'!
Rockin' and a-reelin'
(Music screetches to a halt)
Spike: Poofters. Here, allow me.
Cordelia: I stand corrected. We're trading the Beach Boys for Bleach Boy.
Spike: Funny, Streaks. Your roots are showing....
Cordelia: Oh god! (runs for the bathroom)
Picture yourself in a boat on a river
With tangerine trees, and marmalade skies
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes...
Willow: And we plunge headlong into acid trip land.
Angel: At least it wasn't "When I'm 264". I remember when they sang that for Darla....
Lorne: Wow. Dead guy has some real chops!
Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain
Where rocking horse people
Eat marshmallow pies....
Wesley: The only thing that bothers me is, Sweet causes pain and suffering. If he's here, where the pain and suffering?
Xander: Spike singing the Beatles. Scary enough, yes?
Giles: Infinately more terrifying.
Gunn: My retinas are burnin'.
Angel: If I had my chance to sing----
Giles: Not to change the subject, but where'd the girls go?
Tara: (appears from the back, twirling a feather boa) Hey sista!
Cordelia: Go sista!
Willow: Soul sista!
Buffy: Flow sista!
Tara: (grabs the microphone off the stand, the other three doing appropriate backup dancing)
He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge
Struttin her stuff on the street
She said, Hello, hey Jo,
You wanna give it a go?
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada!
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here!
Mocha Chocolata ya ya!
Creole lady Marmalade!
Giles: (clears his throat loudly) This is getting out of hand.
Spike: (watching Tara) Ooooo. Fluffy.
Spike: (glances at the floor quickly)
Giles: We should get out of here. Clearly Sweet's influence is being heavily felt and this could lead to----
Sweet: (pops in out of thin air) Yeeeeees?
Giles: Bloody hell. I can't fight it.
(grabs the microphone)
Too late, my time has come
Sent shivers down my spine,
Body's achin' all the time,
Goodbye everybody, I've got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.
Mama Ooo I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all!
Lorne: Queen? Brutal, Cous.
Sweet: He was messin' with my mojo, man! Serves him right. He should be glad it wasn't Spice Girls...
Giles: I see a little silhouetto of a man
Others: Scarmouch Scarmouch
Will you do the fandango?
Thunder bolts and lightening
Very very frightening me!
Lorne: Alright, Cous. Had enough?
Lorne: But they'll get to the headbanging soon, and then....
Lorne: Should have seen this coming. Ah well. Now you see why family reunions don't last too long without someone catching fire, getting all mad, and never talking to the family again. (snaps his fingers) Oh ladies?
Girls: Mmmmm... AAAAAANGEL....
Lorne: No, not Angel. Me. Me not Angel. Wanna take care of a little familial oopsie, here?
Girls: (grab Sweet and float away with him)
Sweet: What? NO! Put me down! Ooo! I'll get you for this, little green reptile! See if I send >>>you<<< a Christmas card this year! Hey! Watch the suit!!
Xander: Ow. Headbang induced skull trauma.
Anya: Wow. Next time we delve into the decade of large hair... someone shoot me first.
Giles: (blushing) I think I need to go stick my head in the oven, turn the gas on, and---
Buffy: (chases after him) OH NO YOU DON'T!
Angel: Well, now that the competition's out of the way...
(takes the microphone)
A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And, maybe, they'd be happy for a while.
Lorne: You'd all better get out of here... we could be here for a while...
Anya: Like, 20 years?
Angel: (swaying and really getting into it)
So bye-bye, Miss American Pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin', "This'll be the day that I die.
"This'll be the day that I die"......
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"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is copywrite of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I don't claim to have anything to do with them. This is just me having a little fun with his wonderful characters. Oh, and my intention was never to offend anyone. Promise! Please do not use this fanfiction in any form without my consent. I work really hard to be this nuts. If you would like to post a link to Random Fandom on your site, however, I'd be ecstatic!