« Nikki's Mini-Biography » The Making of a Fat Girl... I started gaining weight in grade school around 4 or 5 years old...I believe that I started packing on pounds because when I was young I was a very picky eater...I'm sure the diet of macaroni and cheese and hotdogs didn't help...I was never really fat so to speak, but I always outweighed the other kids...So because of that I was picked on all through grade school...Always the last kid to get picked in gym class, the first one out in dodge ball, so on and so forth...Even my own father picked on me because he was skinny, in shape, and exercising every day...But regardless of my weight, I was still pretty popular and had alot of friends...When you're fat I suppose you have no choice but to let your personality shine through...*grins* The Cycle Begins... When I first moved to New York in 1999, I weighed 180 and was a size 16/18...I didn't look too bad but I was still bigger than everyone else...It was then that I started the vicious cycle, "I eat when I'm depressed, I'm depressed because I eat"...I went to high school wearing baggy skater-type jeans and big hoodies so people wouldn't notice my weight and I could still somewhat fit in...I didn't get picked on as much but it was still really hard on my self esteem when people would want me to go shopping with them and all I could look at was the shoes because nothing else in the damn store would fit... Society Sucks anyway... When I went off to college I wasn't getting picked on anymore...I'm sure I still got a few stares here and there, as I still steadily packed on the pounds, but it didn't bother me as much anymore...I guess I have learned to tolerate the general society's views on obese people...(Even though it shouldn't have to be that way...) "You have a such a pretty face!" I'm tired of the line, "Oh, you have such a beautiful face! You could be a model if you just lost some weight." That is such a brick upside the head...Why do people always *gush* when they're saying this, like it's the best compliment someone could ever give you?! Let me break it down for you...Say you just won the lottery, and you go out, buy this Fabulous outfit from Saks Fifth Avenue, then you go to this huge party where everyone is going to be there (remember you just won the lottery) and someone comes up to you in front of allllll your wonderful friends (because this always happens in front of a big crowd of people) and says, "Oh, that's a simply marvelous outfit you're wearing! But hmmm you know what? It would look alot better on Tyra Banks!" Now wouldn't you feel insulted? Because that's really how it feels...You're basically saying to someone, your face is fine but I can't stand to look at you from the neck down, if we could only put your face on someone else's body, you'd be a perfect 10! Oh yes, that comment will just make someone's day...*rolls eyes* The Journey Begins... I officially started my weight loss journey when I read about Carnie Wilson in a magazine...It was so inspiring! I just had to know how she did it! So I spent countless hours on the Internet searching for weight loss surgery information; I wanted to find out all I could about this modern day miracle...When I found out who could be a canidate for the surgery, I was extremely excited! Not because of the fact that I was 100lbs overweight or that I had a BMI of about 51, but because there might be a solution to my weight problem! A very risky and complex solution, but a solution none the less! After about 6 months of comtemplation, I had to know if I could get this done! I decided to make a doctor's appointment to see my PCP...I was really scared thinking I would have to have a speech prepared to convince him, but he was really cool with it and referred me to Dr. Lirio...Long story short, he had a waiting list of 500 people and there was NO WAY I was waiting that long! So anyway, back to the drawing board...One day while doing some research, I stumbled across the ObesityHelp.com website...From there, I searched and found another surgeon named Dr. Rosati who works out of Albany Medical Center in Albany, NY...My mom did all the talking, called them, and they sent me my package of info like the NEXT DAY! I was so friggin' happy...I finished all the info they had requested in two days and mailed it back...Soon after they called and scheduled me for an appointment with the nutritionalist which was a four month wait...I didn't get to meet with Dr. Alger until September of 2003...My appointment there went good...They asked me a whole lot of questions about my past, asked me why I wanted the surgery, and put me on a strict diet...Evidently, you had to lose 10% of your weight (which for me meant 31lbs) before they even considered you for surgery...I finally accomplished that 10% weight loss requirement almost exactly a year later...In September of 2004, I had made it down to 280lbs...I actually lost the 31lbs in about 2 months by severe caloric restricion...I honestly don't know why I put it off so long...But one day in August, I just sat down, prayed, and asked for God to help me do this and BAM! The pounds just started melting off! It was absolutely amazing! I wasn't hungry, I didn't have cravings anymore, it was unbelievable...So now the ball has finally started rolling! Goals and Dreams... There's so many things I want to accomplish by having this surgery...I want to be able to run, climb stairs without having to stop because I can't breathe, go biking, feel better about going to the gym, cross my legs (something I've NEVER been able to do!), have more confidence and feel sexy...I don't feel I am doing this to make anyone else happy, I come first!!! I want to be a healthier, more energetic person...Once I finally have kids, I want to be able to run around with them, not sit on the bench and watch them...I can't wait for the day when I can eat and actually feel really full! It will be so great! My Final Conclusion... I know this surgery isn't going to work miracles...There's alot of work to be done on my part to make this work! This surgery is just a tool, it's like a crutch...It's there to help you learn until one day you won't need it anymore...You'll hopefully have learned to eat healthy and treat your body right again...And there's no cheating or shortcuts allowed in this...Sure, the weight will probably just melt right off for the first year or so, but that doesn't mean you can get lazy! This is a lifelong learning experience...I've read plenty of horror stories where people have taken this tool for granted and gained back most, or even worse ALL, their weight back...It's going to be a hard process to get to my goal of 160 lbs, but I know I can do it! I have great friends and family who support me and love me...And I know God will be there with me every step of the way...If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it! So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue my journey with weight loss... Last updated: May 21st, 2005