The Haunting of Doune

Rating: PG-13 for mild language and two brief subtle mentions of adult situations

Disclaimer: I am not trying to make any money off of this. The Pythons belong to themselves, not me, lol. I was just in the mood for writing a good ghost story and wondered what it would be like if the Pythons had to end up filming in a haunted castle. This fanfic is copywrited March 2002 and may only be used with the expressed permission of the author.

Part 1

Michael breathed a sigh of relief as the hairdresser whisked the cloth off from around his shoulders, free to stand up at last. For what seemed like almost an hour he was confined to the chair under the extreme duress of Terrys Jones and Gilliam - or Double Trouble, as the remaining four Pythons had started calling them. For only a week now they had been up in Scotland, filming on-location for their latest project in more than a year - a film based on the Arthurian legend, entitled "Monty Python & The Holy Grail." The two Terrys had taken on the role of director, and given that they were both notorious perfectionists, it was a recipe for disaster. Not only did the scenery have to appear just right, but so did the actors. The morning before they went off to film the killer rabbit scene, both Terrys insisted that each of them make use of the two hairdressers for a haircut...whether they needed it or not. The only one who did not submit to the scissors was Eric. He had refused right from the start and no amount of convincing on the part of Terry Gilliam could get him to change his mind. Michael giggled to himself as the stylist snipped at his unruly locks. Eric sure had balls to stand up to Gilliam, all right. Mike wished he could be that gutsy, though he was glad he didn't do so right now since he had been meaning to get a trim for quite some time anyway.

As he stood up, he walked over to the mirror and ran his fingers through his hair. Still a bit unruly, but much better than it had been. He ran his fingers through his damp bangs, pushing them off to the side of his face, though not having much luck.

"What's the matter?" Mike whirled around when he saw the stylist's reflection in the mirror. "Too short?"

", not at all," Michael said, sheepishly, "I'm glad it's finally out of my face. It's just that I'm not used to having no sideburns. But according to Terry there were no mutton chop burns in the Middle Ages, you know. I'm not one to interfere with the medieval look and feel of this film."

The woman smiled at him. "Well, you could always grow them back later," she offered.

"I suppose," Mike answered, "though my wife never liked them. She always complained they were in the way whenever she tried to kiss me. She'd end up with a mouthful of whiskers." He giggled in his sweet, shy way.

As he left the room, the stylist waved goodbye. Immediately he ran into Eric who was sitting outside the hotel on a bench, strumming "Here Comes the Sun" on his guitar.

"Hey, lookin' good, Palin!" Eric joked, with a wide grin on his face. Michael rolled his eyes.

"Yes, thank you very much, Idle. Now why don't you appease Gilliam and get yours cut?"

Eric's eyes narrowed. "What? Why would I ever want to do that?" he asked, sarcastically.

Michael laughed. "Good point. Well, I guess we'd better get going. We don't want to get any more behind schedule than we already are, eh?"

Eric shook his head. "'Appease Gilliam.' Sometimes I think you're mad, Mike."

Mike giggled and shook his head. As he walked away he waved to Eric. "See you later, Eric."

Eric waved back and went to the car to put his guitar away. It was almost time to drive out to Killin to film the Holy Handgrenade scene. They were running a bit behind schedule, as they were supposed to be starting at Doune castle today. They were going to be there for quite a while, filming a handful of the scenes over the course of about two weeks. They had practiced the Holy Handgrenade scene yesterday and it had gone well. Michael sighed as he drove out to the Killin mountainside, hoping they could get finished before darkness fell upon them.


"Cut! Okay, that's a wrap!" Terry Gilliam yelled, as the Pythons finally finished their work at Killin. Michael spotted Eric running toward his car, and he ran to catch up with him.

Mike pushed his Sir Galahad hood down off his head as he met up with Eric. "Hey Eric, what's your hurry?" he said, panting.

"As if you didn't know," he said, annoyed. Mike furrowed his brow in confusion. Eric continued, "I want to get back there before the others so I can get some hot water going in my bath."

Michael snorted. "I hear ya, mate. I don't think I've had a hot bath since we started filming just over a week ago. Personally I think John hogs all the hot water for himself, then just complains to make us poor chaps feel better."

Eric snickered. "Wouldn't surprise me a bit."

Mike shook his head, grinning. "Yup, that's Cleese for you. Well, at least we'll be filming at Doune tomorrow. It's a bit closer so it shouldn't be as much a rush to get back."

Eric nodded. "Mmm. Doune castle, eh? Sounds like quite a place."

"Umm-hum," Michael mused, "I believe it's been around for at least six centuries. It was quite lucky that the National Trust let us use it. I can't believe they think we wouldn't respect their bloody crumbling castles."

"Ahh, they're a bunch of gits," Eric replied, "six centuries, eh? I wonder if we'd get to witness a battle scene that took place 400 years ago or something."

Mike looked up. "That never occurred to me. I....suppose it's possible that it could be haunted," he said, quietly.

"Nahh," Eric muttered, "I don't think Jonesy and Gilliam would go to the trouble of picking this place if it were haunted, Mike. We're not that lucky."

Michael giggled. "Yeah, I suppose you're right." Just then he turned around and saw John get into the car with Terry Jones, Graham and Terry Gilliam. "Shit, we'd better hurry back before Cleese uses up the warm water."

"See you later, Mike."

Michael waved as he got into his car. On the way back to the hotel, he couldn't stop thinking about the conversation he'd had with Eric about Doune castle. Haunted? Is it possible? They would start filming early tomorrow so he'd find out soon enough.

Part 2 =>

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