I’m standing on the edge. Everyone around me is crying. Wishing they could go to the past and change what they said or did. Only one person could change where I am today. Only one thing could change the where I am today.
As far as I can remember, the first day I wanted to die was in the summer of 1999. I was at my distant cousin’s graduation party. Wow, it was a beautiful day; I remember it like it was yesterday. I actually wish it was yesterday; maybe I would have had something better to do. Me and my little brother were walking around enjoying are time when my sister asked if I wanted to go to the candy store down the road. I think agreeing was the stupidest idea ever, but who would think a walk down the road would ruin my early teenage years? On the way down we started talking. My sister asked me a few questions and one was about drugs. I told her I thought they were disgusting, seeing as I just got through DARE (another mistake, it taught me everything about drugs was bad, even the users). On the way home my sister said something, that had the same impact as a Mack Truck running into my heart. She told me most adults did drugs, I didn’t believe her, but when she said my dad did, I wanted to cry. According to DARE, that would have made my dad the scum of the earth, so I knew it wasn’t true. As for the adult thing, I smirked and pretended I didn’t care.
Later the same night, my sister ran up to me in a deep pant and told me she could prove what she said. I was curious so I followed. I figured it was just another prank, but when I looked through the crack in the door, I saw a group of adults smoking a joint, I couldn’t believe it. I was scared, sad, and surprised at the same time. Kids my age are not supposed to see that. The thing that I hated most was I didn’t know if my father was in there or not. I was more confused then I had ever been in my life. I wish I had just disappeared at that moment, or maybe woken up, and finding out it was a dream. Who was I supposed to tell? My friends would be just as scared as me, and the adults might get my dad in trouble. I didn’t know what to do.
Since the event it has been a few years. I have figured out, my dad wasn’t in the group but, I did find out that he did do drugs. I have held a grudge with my sister since; I can’t believe she had to ruin my life. I wish the first time I saw drugs, it was some dirt bag doing them, and then it wouldn’t have been so personal. I don’t have a thing against people, who do them, but I do have a thing against drugs themselves, or at least that’s what my brain says.
One day I decided, my life was to low, I needed to feel better or I might do something stupid to hurt myself. This was the last big mistake I would make in life. My sister called from her apartment and I talked to her for a while, somehow I made a deal gaining access to a few drugs. A few drugs in my mind were Ecstasy, Weed, Acid, and Shrooms. I decided, what the hell, if I’m going to try one, why not try them all? I mean obviously drugs are done by more then just the scum of the earth. Officer Leroy was so wrong; he told me that drugs were for the worst of the worst. I bet he did them himself. The drugs uplifted me. Listening to the sounds of Zeppelin and watching The Wall over and over. What a rush it was.
I decided to move on. I figured, those ones were good, so what the hell? I moved on to bigger and better, heroine, and my sister and I got some pretty hardcore pharmaceutical stuff. I told my sister if she wanted to get into a good Pharmacy college, she better stop doing drugs, they will find out if she took them. She brushed it off like everything else, and we decided to live in the moment. I took a few pills of Ecstasy, shot up some Heroine, and then did 2 lines of the unknown stuff. My sister beat me; she did the same but three lines. I decided to top her off. I took the rest of the Ex, shot up, and took out 5 lines, finishing the unknown off. I stood up in a deep laughter and dropped. So again, I am on the edge, the edge of my own grave, and I; the ghost of myself, am looking at my casket as it’s lowered into the ground. My sister never did make it into Pharmacy school. She tried saving me, but nothing worked, so she was forced to call an ambulance. When the cops came they arrested her for possession. She was the one person who could have changed where I was today. If she never told me, my dad was a druggie, I wouldn’t have even thought about the stuff.