My Dear Wife

To My Dear Wife,

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

I have succeed 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often...

	54 times the sheets were clean
	17 times it was too late
	49 times you were too tired
	20 times it was too hot
	15 times you pretended to be sleep
	22 times you had a headache
	17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
	16 times you said you were too sore
	12 times it was the wrong time of the month
	19 times you had to get up early
	9 times you said weren't in the mood
	7 times you were sunburned
	6 times you were watching the late show
	5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
	3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
	9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

	6 times you just laid there
	8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
	4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
	7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
	1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move