updated: Sabbath, 02/11/06, 10:11 AM

06/05/04 7:44 PM EST USA
Praise God! I was in a really bad mood all day. I was angry and it led to much sinning. But at least I was shown this verse: Acts 14:22.

Acts 14:22
"...strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. 'We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,' they said."

Sabbath, 02/11/06, 10:20 AM EST USA
Hardships are very different from sinning. Afflictions are very different from rebuke. I sin and feel I am rebuked. Paul and Barnabas faced hardships and were blessed with many converts. The Bible is absolutely true - of this there is no doubt. But I continue to sin and feel far from grace. I await, in hope, that one day I will be obedient to the Lord - to God - and stop sinning. As it says in 1 Corinthians 7:19 "...keeping God's commands is what counts."

06/05/04 7:58 PM EST USA
Yet again. I knew of this verse and it never really hit home: Mark 12:41-44.

Mark 12:41-44

41. Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts.
42. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny.
43. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others.
44. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything�all she had to live on."

Now I see we are:

• not to want of this world, but instead give to it, (Mark 12:41-44)
• to expect hardships, (Acts 14:19-22)
• to expect to be hated, (John 15:18-25, and in Matthew 10:22)
• to die to this world, (Philippians 2:1-11)
• lose your life to gain your life (Matthew 10:39)

Sabbath, 02/11/06, 10:38 AM EST USA
Acts 14:19-22

19. Then some Jews came from Antioch and Iconium and won the crowd over. They stoned Paul and dragged him outside the city, thinking he was dead.
20. But after the disciples had gathered around him, he got up and went back into the city. The next day he and Barnabas left for Derbe.
21. They preached the good news in that city and won a large number of disciples. Then they returned to Lystra, Iconium and Antioch,
22. strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said.

And again, why what happens to us happens to us:
John 15:18-25

18. "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.
19. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
20. Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also.
21. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me.
22. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, however, they have no excuse for their sin.
23. He who hates me hates my Father as well.
24. If I had not done among them what no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. But now they have seen these miracles, and yet they have hated both me and my Father.
25. But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason.' (Psalms 35:19, Psalms 69:4)

Phillipians 2:1-11

1. If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,
2. then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.
3. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

   Friday, 12:28 PM EST USA
   Wow... I just re-read that and it hit home. I am so proud. Many times I say "I will do this." or I can do this." or "I will do that." or "That is what I can do for sure." E.g. I am learning how to make bread. I bought much equipment and are concerned that I do the best job I can. This is what Paul is speaking about - "selfish ambition" and "vain conceit." That, I see now, is truly totally me... to my regret. I hope that God, our Father, whose name is holy will teach me to be truly humble. Because there is no reason to boast. Especially since our Lord Jesus Christ said: "With God all things are possible, with man, nothing is possible."

   All glory to God!

4. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

5. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6. Who, being in very nature God,
         did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

7. but made himself nothing,
         taking the very nature of a servant,
         being made in human likeness.
8. And being found in appearance as a man,
         he humbled himself
         and became obedient to death �
           even death on a cross!
9. Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
         and gave him the name that is above every name,
10. that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
          in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11. and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
          to the glory of God the Father.

Matthew 10:38-39

38. ... and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
39. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

May God help me to forget this life and live only for Him - but His will be done, not mine - in Jesus' name, amen. (2/11/06 And again, amen.)

8/23/04 ~3:00 PM EST USA
What a blessing this was. I feel it will help me focus on being more obedient to God, namely:
Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will.

Friday, 12:41 PM EST USA
That was three years ago and I have the same hope. My level of obedience is not as high as I hoped it would be. As I just wrote above I am still proud, chasing the world of things and not thinking about my fellow man first. I admit that I do this on a 1 to 1 basis with people, but when it comes to my interests I pursue them - e.g. the new interest of learning to make bread. I even have ideas which I am keeping secret so that I can take advantage of them alone. Once again, "selfish ambition" and "vain conceit."

I shouldn't be doing that, but instead learning to help others in whatever way God allows me. Which brings me to why I came here to add this last comment to my website about how God has opened my eyes. Last night was very rough for me. Earlier that day I cursed at Satan repeatedly. (This is a recount of the thoughts I had and what I was thinking about - it was in no way a physical incident.) I was "yelling" etc. and I think I even said "... what can you do to me?" Well, I found out. Last night I was bit by an insect and had an allergic reaction which was the most awful incident of its kind I ever had. (I had this before, about 4 days in a row. This time it was very painful and very scary.)

The reaction brought me extremely close to passing out. I was at the point where I was hallucinating that I was in the hospital and discussing my reaction with the doctors and nurses in the examining room. When I started to come out of this I saw my computer in front of me and worked at convincing myself I was still in my room. This last bit may have taken all of 15 secs. When I finally realized where I was I then realized how powerful Satan is if God allows him something in the world.

It started around 11:30 PM last night, and ended around 3:30 AM. That's when I finally went to sleep. The whole evening, when it was still evening, I knew I had no strength, no abilities and no power - what so ever. The Bible even says it: "God is our strength." Indeed. Also, "Without God nothing is possible; with man nothing is possible." I was scared...

I woke up this morning and now I have to put that fear behind me in order to get on with living. I cleaned the living room, I washed my pile of dishes, I ate a small lunch, I relaxed at the computer, and I thanked God throughout it all that He did bring me through this. I prayed with hope like never before - because we truly are powerless, without strength, and without hope - we are nothing but lost worms - without our LORD God Almighty eternally remembering us constantly.

... and I still have a long way to go.

Finally, just before I started updating this page, I realized that:
1) everything is God's will
2) if He blesses us then we are comforted, if He doesn't then we are afflicted
3) as such we have no control over what happens to us nor how we react to it
4) therefore we are trapped to live out our lives as God decides all of this for us - this is our "cup" as is mentioned so often in the Bible (I just checked being told in my head "you don't know that, you only know 1 verse." So, by God's grace I did check, and by God's grace I found a quote in Genesis and in Revelation. Indeed, and all glory to God!)
5) and what is the name for people who are trapped? Prisoners.

Don't forget that God is the Potter and we are the clay. Where are we involved in the selecting, shaping, and making process? - nowhere.

So then where is the boasting?
So this is why we should forgive - EVERYONE.
And this is why it is recorded in the book of Job that we should always praise God: "Should we only praise God when He blesses us?

Sabbath, 2/12/11, 10:28 AM EST USA
Last week I was blessed to be obedient. As I have mentioned, I play internet 3D games. One person was particularly annoying. The other players on the team voted to kick him. I did not vote. Instead I just left. When I did that (didn't complain about him, didn't vote to kick, and just left) I felt impotent. That's when I realized this: I WANT(ed) POWER!!!

I realized that this is the world - indeed Satan lusts after God's throne. The world complains and complains and ... the bottom line is that they, like Satan, want power.

I was shocked. I saw so clearly how all of my complaining over the decades I have been afflicted has to do with this same principle. All the times I complained about anything (my most usual/recent experiences comes from the online games) I was really saying I wanted the power to chose, to decide, to - in short - have my will done in the world. And now that I write this I realize the importance - the meaning of His words in His prayer: "...not my will, but Yours."

I still complain, but by God's mercy and grace, I think I am doing it less often.