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People Say the Darndest Things

If you really listen to people talk once in a while, you'll notice that we all say the craziest, most random things at the weirdest of moments. I know I sure do. And that's what this section of my website is dedicated to: the crazy things we all say.

Take myself, for instance. I have the oddest habit of trying to say something, but having the sounds come out of my mouth all jumbled. Here's a few of my personal favorites that I did, in fact, actually say! See if you can figure out what I'm trying to say, and then scroll down for the answers.

What I Actually Said
1. Cinepone
2. Snattle Rake
3. Snack Crapple Pock
4. Ramontic

Ready to guess? Okay then!

What I Meant to Say
1. Pinecone
2. Rattle Snake
3. Snap Crackle Pop
4. Romantic

Another situation: My friend Emma and I were talking about smokers for some odd reason, and she brought up how one of the downfalls smoking has is causing you to have thin lips. Then I tried to say, "Well, some people have thin lips naturally," but it came out, "Well, some people have thin nips laturally... I mean, thin lips! Thin lips!"

I'm not the only one who has this weird habit though, believe it or not. I caught my friend Rachael once. We were talking about cars at lunch one time, and she was talking about the gear shift but it came out of her mouth "shear gift". Not to mention my chemistry teacher mixed up her words during a lesson and said "Deeping digger" when she meant to say "digging deeper". Nobody, including herself, even seemed to notice except for me! Maybe it's because I do it so often myself...

And then, there's my friend Katie. She'll randomly blurt out these crazy things that make no sense, and she doesn't realize it until she says it! Here's a few examples....
Scenario: Katie and I are in her car, riding to the zoo at night. It's winter. It's cold. Katie says: "I wanna put on my hat... but I don't want to."
Scenario: same night at the zoo. Katie is showing me her lipgloss. I smell it and say, "What flavor is this? Strawberry?" Katie says: "No... it's strawberry."
Scenario: I'm at Katie's house. She picks up her 8-ball off of her dresser and starts tossing it into the air and catching it. Katie says: "You know, I'm probably gonna drop-" She misses the next catch, and the 8-ball goes *thunk!* on the edge of her bed. "...this."
Scenario: Katie and Melissa and a bunch of other people and I are hanging out in our dressing room for Bye Bye Birdie, having random conversation. Katie says: "Did you know that 'I am' is the longest complete sentence in the English language?" Silence. I say, "Uhm... don't you mean 'shortest'?"
All of these resulted in the two of us laughing until our stomachs hurt (especially me, because I laugh easily!). However, sadly, most of these you would have had to been there to find them funny.

Melissa recently told me of a funny comment that Alison made which sadly I did not witness, but it ranks up there with some of Katie's sayings.
Scenario: Alison is talking to Kristin. Alison says, "Kristin, did you get your hair cut? It looks so long!"

I have also recently discovered that when and how you say something makes as much difference as what you say! For instance, something happened to me involving a vending machine this past week. I was at musical practice for "Bye Bye Birdie", and it was during our break. I was tired, hungry, and thirsty, and I went up to the coffee machine and pressed my face longingly against it and tried to wrap my arms around it. Melissa asked me what I was doing to the vending machine. I replied, "I'm hoping it's gonna give me something." Now, you can take that the right way, or you can take it the wrong way. Melissa took it the wrong way! I didn't even MEAN to say it in a wrong way, but as soon as the words came out of my mouth I knew they sounded bad. End result: me chasing Melissa around the commons for at least five minutes, accusing her of having a dirty mind.

Now, this story has nothing to do with double meanings or anything, but it was just so amusing that I had to put it up here. During intermission on the closing night of "Bye Bye Birdie," Melissa and I were talking about how terrific the show was going. We high-fived each other as I proclaimed, "We are kicking ass!" To which Melissa replied, "We're not kicking ass, we're kicking more than ass. We're kicking the ass of an ass!"

This next one is just as good as my coffee machine episode. My friend Harry was telling me about what Mike, another friend, said one time. I forget the whole story, but he was trying to show this one girl to a room in his school I guess. He tried to say, "Come here, I'll show you." But it came out, "Here, I come you." Say that to yourself in your head, but don't say it out loud because you might get funny looks. Sounds pretty bad, eh? Poor Mike! Hehe.

This one happened to me when I was working at Cosi. A visitor was asking me a question about the simulator, and I was doing my ever-so-best to answer them. They thanked me for my service. And this is where it went downhill. I tried to say two things at once, "No problem" and "You're welcome". It almost came out "Your problem", but thankfully I fixed it just in time! Glad I did, cuz I woulda gotten a talking-to from the volunteer coordinator at Cosi! When I was telling this story to my friend, he interrupted before I could say the punchline, "Did you say 'no welcome'?" That one didn't even occur to me as a possibility, and it would have been just as funny as my 'your problem' episode. Thank God neither of those really happened! Heehee.

If you have any stupid or crazy or funny or random things that you or other people have said, just send me a buzz at thatannoyinggirl@angelfire.com!

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