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Maria Speaks on the Subject of Life

Life is funny. Life is very, very funny.

Life is SO goddurn funny that I'll be sitting there, just thinking about random stuff, when I'll just burst out laughing. People will ask me what's so funny. I'll just tell them: "Life!"

Take chemistry class for example. Now THAT'S a funny class! No, hear me out! Chemistry class is basically all these people sitting half-asleep in their chairs staring at an over-excited teacher who is lecturing about what happens when sodium combines with carbon or some crap like that. Or, chemistry class is also the same half-dead students mixing things together, trying to find out which combinations go boom. That cracks me up. Just thinking about chemistry makes me laugh!

You know what else in life is funny? Monkeys. Monkeys have got to be the funniest living things on this planet. God must've been high on something when She made them! Monkeys are these funny little half-humans running around naked, except 1. they have hair all over their bodies, 2. they have no idea in the word that they're naked, 3. they have cool little tails, and 4. they can do stuff with their vocal chords that I would give a thousand cheesecakes to be able to do.

Socks are funny. They're these little bags you put over your feet to keep them warm. That's just funny in itself!

Ties are also very, very funny. You know the kind of ties that dudes wear around their necks? That's gotta be the funniest and most pointless article of clothing I can think of. Ties are just these pieces of cloth that guys tie around their necks that do nothing but dangle down their front. I never really understood why men wear ties. If you can enlighten me, please do. You know my email address.

Dictionaries are very funny, and very amusing. Sure, they're quite useful now and then. But more than half the words will never be used more than twice in a century? C'mon, who in their right mind uses the word "rigmarole"? Or "diletante"? Or "jocundity"? Lord have mercy on the poor soul who came up with these words. They must not have had a life.

And so I can only conclude one thing: that life is the funniest goddamn thing to ever happen to me, and ya just gotta learn to laugh at it!

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