Alice Isabell
Mother of
Randy Hecox: 1-7-69 to 7-23-99
Well I believed
in God and knew there had to be one although I was not raised in a church
home. I was baptized a week after my children were. God gave us a miracle
when my daughter’s 6 month twins were born and he saved them both for us.
Well the day I found my son Randy gone from us forever in this world I
knew there was a God you all may think I am nuts here. But I know what
I saw and felt and heard. I heard God's voice and I also felt Randy’s soul
leave his body when I found him. God has given me many signs from Randy
to keep me going for the day we are with our son again in heaven. Randy
went there to make us the home we all will have when we get there. Keep
up your good work both of you. Thank you for all your help over the years.
Alice
Ali mom 2
Randy in Missouri My Little Drummer Boy
My tears have
made my rainbow..
http://friendslove.tripod.com/randy.html
Cynthia Pierce
Mother of
Shelly: 2-25-67 to 6-14-86
cfp615@aol.com
It has been
18 years since we lost our only child Shelly and I miss her so much, yes
I am still angry, I don't understand. I will never get to be a grandmother
and I have no family just my husband, because I was a only child, Mom was
a only child and Grandma was a only child, so I am left here alone. When
Shelly died our preacher preached the funeral and we was both active in
the church, my husband was on all the committees, and I taught Sunday School.
Well after the funeral, my preacher didn't even come to the house and no
one from the church. So I quit Church for 6 years and then I started going
to Glencliff Methodist Church with my Mom and Dad, but it was hard. Me
and Tony are still attending Glencliff Methodist but I cannot get back
into during anything in the church and it has been 18 years. I am like
you I just don't understand, I had so much to give Shelly and now I have
nothing. It is hard not to lose your religion when something like this
happens. But I know when we all get to heaven, we will be standing in line
to ask a lot of questions. Just wanted you to know how I felt after 18
years. Love to you my friend.
Julane Grant
Mother of
Darren Grant: 1-23-68 to 8-31-90
My faith is
a powerful belief that I have had since Sunday School as a child.
My faith has been challenged of late and caused me to define it more clearly
due to the politics of the times. I am a Christian and a liberal
because I believe that Jesus would want us to do like He did and take care
of those who need our help and certainly not to kill innocent people in
His name.
With that said,
I, like every one of us, have questioned, maybe not our faith in God, but
have certainly asked questions. Like Ricky Ricardo might have said,
"God has some 'splainin to do, Lucy."
I wonder all
of the time why God takes children, why thousands of children starve to
death each day or die from disease. I try to answer these questions,
maybe we all do. I truly believe that God doesn't cause our children
to die or even let them die, but rather that He rescues them from their
suffering to take them in His arms.
But then, I
think deeper and wonder then, why do we bother to pray that our kids will
be safe, or that kids will get well or recover? But, I also KNOW
that prayers are answered sometimes. So, then I conclude, and I think
we must, that God knows what is best for us and maybe interprets our prayers
in a better way and we just can't see it.
I never got
angry with God for taking my only child, Darren, but I sure did question.
It will be 15 years this August and I hardly ever question anymore, now
I say, Thank you, Dear Lord, for blessing me with those 22 marvelous years
and 15 more years of memories since then. I will add here, though, that,
it doesn't really help grieving parents to be told that their child is
in a better place. We believe it but we would still rather have our
child here with us unless their suffering is just too great. If everyone
literally believed that our kids would be in a better place in heaven,
then we (if we were completely unselfish) would want our children to die.
I guess that is why God is greater than we could ever be because He did
just that when He sent Jesus to save us.
In the end,
like I said in my book, we have to believe in God because to survive this,
we need to know that we will see our child again in heaven. And then,
and I am sure, not before, we will know the answers and God's plan and
it will all seem right. That's it in a nutshell but often I like to spend
hours discussing the possibilities of God's master plan.
God bless us,
everyone. Julane Grant
Hugs, Help
and Hope for grieving parents
www.angelabode.com
Rena Griffin
Mother of
Brian: 9-24-78 to 1-22-99
I lost my youngest
son Brian 6 years ago to a gunshot wound. We still do not know the
circumstances surrounding the incident which is the hardest part.
It is listed as a suicide, but there are so many unanswered questions,
too many inconsistencies, it could be accidental or even murder.
I have always
put my trust in the Lord that He knew best for my life. Brian is
with Him, for which I am glad. Is it always easy? Of course
not. Being without my son is so difficult, especially when his son,
Taylor, has to grow up without his daddy. He was two when he passed,
and I know he is not growing up in the best of environments (of which I
am trying to fight his mother). I know God didn't take my son from
me, but allowed him to be taken. There is a verse where we can comfort
those by the comfort we have received, and I do that time after time.
When someone has lost a child, there is nothing like someone putting their
arms around you and saying, "I know exactly how you feel, I have lost a
child myself."
Those who
have never felt the same pain, just don't understand, totally. They
can sympathize, they can't empathize.
Every day my
heart aches for my son, but I know God understands because he lost his
Son as well. He knows, all too well how I feel. How can I be
mad at him? He didn't pull the trigger! He didn't delay calling
for help that could have saved my son's life!
I lean on my
Lord to help me get through each day. Some days are good, some days
aren't. Some days I lean on my own understanding, not on who I should.
But I know who is the author and finisher of my faith. And I know
that one day I will see my son again, face to face.
Dionne Coleman
Mother of
Connor: Stillborn 3-16-2003
My name is
Dionne, my son Conner was stillborn at 32 weeks...this is my "religious"
experience...I wrote this all down about a year after I lost him.
I was raised
in a Lutheran Church. We were not a "religious" family...my parents sent
us to Sunday school and they went to Church on a rare occasion. I was confirmed
at 13, but shortly after that my parents allowed me to make my own decisions
about Church. I chose to no longer attend.
I have gone
my entire adult life wanting to believe in "something" and really thinking
that there is "something" out there, some higher being, but my belief was
not in God.
I've had a
rough life to say the least and figured, no one could possibly be up there,
helping me out. I was obviously being over looked. Anyway.... ...THEN,
the biggest and grossest tragedy of all. My son died. My precious little
man. Didn't even stand a chance. Wasn't even given the opportunity to see
his Mommy. Sadness, anger, RAGE! WHO would do this??????
What GOD of
this world, this LIFE, would take my child away from me???? I hated HIM
with every ounce of HATE in my body...truly. That or HE doesn't exist at
all. SOMEONE was to blame...why not lay it on the all Powerful! Doesn't
He love?? Why so much suffering???????
I went a year...crawling
out of bed every morning and sinking into the cold and lonely darkness
every night. I started to welcome the darkness. My own private hole.
Alone. I could go like this...."TAKE ME! TAKE ME TO MY SON! PLEASE!
I have had time with my girls, I had NO time with my baby! JUST TAKE ME
TO HIM! I am BEGGING YOU! If YOU exist...SHOW ME! SHOW ME MY SON!!"
I fell into
such a deep sadness, such desperation...I cried (sobbed) myself to sleep
on a Sunday night 4 weeks ago, "I am not afraid to die. If I can
find him, I am not afraid to die. I cannot go on like this!"
The next morning feeling utterly lost and alone, thoughts of suicide? I
don't know for sure, but definitely done...I sobbed, I cried out as I lay
my head into my hands...
I prayed with
all my heart. I prayed to Jesus. With every bit of sincerity in my heart.
"Dear Jesus, please, please come into my heart. I am so lost and so alone.
If you indeed exist, please help me find a way to your light. No miracles,
no parting of the skies, no vision of my son...just lead me to you. I am
letting go, I am handing my life over to you. I need you in my life."
Nothing...I didn't feel any different. But, I let it go. I dried my eyes
and went on with my day.
That evening,
my girls and I went out for a walk. They wanted to stop at a park and I
hesitated, really not in the mood and just wanting to walk in silence and
go home. But, for some reason I headed in the direction of the park and
told them "10 minutes, then we are going home." I leaned up against a slide
and looked up at the sky, it was a beautiful evening, sun just going down...and
suddenly a man was approaching me. He had a clipboard in his hand, was
dressed in simply a pair of jeans, T-shirt and a baseball cap. He introduced
himself as Pastor Forrest, "Todd." My first thought was, "Oh, great." Cause
that's how I always feel when religious people come knockin' at my door
or approach me preaching there goofy stuff...but, whatever, I figured.
"Hi," I said, "Dionne." We shook hands.
He said he
was looking for insight to the community, being as he and his wife had
just moved here and were going to be running the Church of the Nazarene
across the street from the school. He wanted to know what my thoughts were
on the Church, my beliefs, what I would be looking for in a Church?
Well, as you
can imagine, I gave it to him with both barrels. I told him that I don't
believe, I told him that I had lost a child (not gender or age), just that
I had lost a child. We spoke on this for a while, him trying to explain
his God and this world...Heaven...blah-blah...I was listening, but not
"believing" him. And then, as if the skies DID part, he told me the
story of a woman who had come to him just last year. She had lost a baby,
a son, he was stillborn, and she wanted to know if he had gone to Heaven?
If he was safe? If he was with Jesus? He didn't know that I lost a baby,
a son, to stillbirth. I had only told him that I had lost a child.
I started to cry...I then told him about my little man. I also told him
I had prayed to Jesus that very morning, asking him into my heart. Asking
him to come into my life, to show me the way. And there he was. The young
Pastor seeking congregation and I, His word. He said that Jesus works in
ways he could never even begin to explain, but that perhaps, he sent out
one of His Shepherds, to bring home a lost lamb.
I continued
to cry...he prayed right there in the park for me. Thanking Jesus for putting
us in each other's path. How could I not be awaken to this "sign?" To this
miracle? Coincidence? No way....He lives. In me, through me...I will not
be ashamed to share His word, His power, His LOVE, with everyone and anyone
who will listen to me.
Jesus said,
"I am telling you the truth! I am the truth and the life and anyone who
believes in me shall not perish, but have everlasting LIFE."
And I believe...how
can I not? He told me the truth, He gave me an answer? Conner is with him,
he is safe. I need not worry anymore. He took my sadness and my doubt and
turned it to sheer love and wonderment in Him. I am telling you the
truth.
Pat Goebel
Mother of
Stephen: 1-29-71 to 10-29-01
In response
to your question: Where is your faith since your child died? Here is my
answer. I have never blamed God for my Stephen's death. Stephen was
brutally murdered; I still think of how he suffered and died, almost constantly.
However, I know the humans have free will. Sometimes I wish God would not
give us free will, as so many pervert it. I also realize that the same
free will should cause us to be responsible people. Through it all, I have
not blamed God because God did not take my son, my beloved firstborn. A
sick, violent human, perverting his free will murdered my child. What God
has done is to mercifully take my child home quickly; He also continues
to walk through this fire with us, Stephen's family. Be angry with
God? I would be misplacing my anger if so. Therefore, I will tell you that
my faith is stronger than ever as I have learned to lean completely on
our Heavenly Father who loves us, who took my child quickly out of a situation
where his physical body was stabbed 76 times, and who carries us every
day, imploring us to pray without ceasing, which I find is a saving grace.
Thanks for the opportunity to share this.
Pat~Steve's
Mom
http://www.geocities.com/loveyouforeversteve/index.html
I'm sending
you a poem I wrote just after our precious Madeline passed away.
We're fast approaching what would be her 4th birthday this July 22nd.
I'm sending you this poem in memory of our Maddie. Lynne Cardwell
(grandmother of Maddie) Aka "Nana"
~Wake Up, Nana~
Wake up, Nana,
it’s 5:45; time to rise and shine.
Wake up, Nana,
get out of bed; we have so little time.
Wake up, Nana,
I need some milk; I need my breakfast, too;
Maybe a pancake
or scrambled egg; make enough for me and you.
Wake up, Nana,
put on some music, I want to sing and dance.
Play my video
of Barney or Sesame Street; just watch me as I prance!
Wake up, Nana,
let’s go to the store; buy lots of "num-num" for me.
I’ll ride
in the buggy, give lots of smiles, and wave at everyone I see.
Wake up, Nana,
let’s go to the park; to play on the swing and slide.
Let’s pick
a flower and watch the birds, as through the air they glide.
Wake up, Nana,
there’s so much to do; so much in God’s world to see.
Come on, Nana,
time is short; there’s another place I must be.
Wake up, Nana,
don’t grieve too long; Jesus will see you through.
Think of all
the good times we had; good times for me and you.
Wake up, Nana,
don’t waste a day; life is too precious and sweet.
Keep a smile
on your lips and a song in your heart; ‘till on that golden shore
we meet.
Thank you,
Maddie, for the wonderful lessons you taught while you were here.
I’ll forever keep them in my heart; and keep you there, too, Maddie dear.
God's Pure
Love As I gazed at the sky watching the sun begin to rise
I could see
God's beauty unfold right before my eyes
The darkness
now fading fast as the daylight begins to shine
The beauty
of this morning is like a picture that he designed
The solitude
I sensed was so peaceful and complete
It seemed
like pure ecstasy and nothing could compete
The birds
once dormant now sing on this new morn
As life begins
anew again and other lives are born
The early
morning dew I can see upon the grass
Is like a
sweet nectar as the sun now dries it fast
The serenity
that I feel is vibrant and surreal
It lets us
know God's love and that is for real
The soft blue
sky above never seems to end
Like a picture
postcard that you would surely send
Upon this
beautiful morning I felt God reach out to me
He told me
that this beauty was meant for all to see
His love so
pure and holy where everything is right
Your soul
will not vanish but live in God's pure light
As I gazed
into the sky so distant and high above
I felt true
bliss within as I bathed in God's pure love
Author: Robert
Walters Sr.
Robert Walters
Sr.
Dad of Robbie8-16-1973
to 12-14 2002
I found my
son and cried!
I wish it
was I who had died!
http://www.fosv.com
Chris Finklein
Mother of
Dianne: 9-20-74 to 1-09-01
Before I lost
my daughter I never thought about dying. Now I look forward to it!
I've always had a strong belief in God; my religion has been a cornerstone
of my existence from my earliest years. Yes, I did question God's rationale
when we lost Di but since I knew how much her faith and her love of God
meant to her, how could I dishonor her marvelous life trading my disbelief
for disgust or anger with God for taking her home? I had umpteen
questions WHY, but it was not for me to wonder. Di served her life
with gentle and loving dedication to her fellow man in the most simple
and yet complex of ways. She loved completely & unconditionally.
She defined goodness and beauty where it counted most!
I grew up believing
heaven was seeing God or being in His presence forever. I tasted
a sample of heaven when Di was with us here on earth. To say otherwise
is to doubt the existence of God! To think I carried my sweet Di under
my heart for nine months and guided her growing up is almost mystical at
times. To acknowledge that I was her mom is my greatest claim to fame.
I've never
once experienced any anger because of losing Di; oh yes, anguished loss
and profound sadness every bit as pungent today as the day we lost her,
54 months ago tomorrow. Di once told me she felt extraordinarily special
when she talked with God, when she prayed. We were chatting one afternoon
about spending money, bills, imagining what it would be like to win the
lottery and never having to worry about money again. I chided her
because Di never had money. Oh, there were a few quarters and some
stray dollar bills in her pockets now and then but never enough.
I asked her on this lazy autumn afternoon if she considered herself a saver
or a spender. We laughed because we both acknowledged I was a spender
hands down. Di grew quiet for a moment and then replied with the
utmost of sincerity, "Mom, I actually think I am a SAVOR!" She was
in every sense of the word.
Di lived every
moment of her 26 years to the fullest. Her belief in God and her
love of life exemplified what I imagine heaven must be like.
My faith deepened dramatically January 9, 2001! I didn't realize
how much at the time but as these months have ached away, I've come to
know Di was my taste of the Extraordinary! God granted me my little
girl wish to see Him the first moment Di was born and even still now.
I love her today more than yesterday and I'll love her even more tomorrow!
She sealed my belief in my faith and my love of God. I am blessed
beyond measure! Truly, I cannot wait to see my darling daughter again.
She has erased any and all fears of dying. I believe my love of God
and my love of Di melded together and will come full circle when it's my
turn to die! I welcome it with open arms!
Faith!
In Loving
memory of My Son
Germaine Tramondo'
Barnhardt
2-14-74- 10-9-98
What a strange
thing sometimes it strong, sometimes weak, but most of all it is still
there. Just as the pain of losing your child. Before the death of Germaine
seven years ago, I thought I had found The Lord. I had accepted Christ
as my personal Savior and decided for God I Live, and for God I will die.
Well Satan had other plans. I had recently remarried my ex husband, packed
my wears and tears and moved to "Almost Heaven West Virginia", one year
after my marriage my husband's health started fail. He was having diabetic
ulcers, had to have his toe removed, but I just kept trusting God, and
rebuking Satan. When the devil could not get me directly he came in the
back door and played a part in the death of my son. Now I know that God
has that final say as to who lives and who dies, and our days and time
is numbered, but when bad things happen to good people it makes you wonder.
The day my
son was murdered was the darkest day of my life. I had just celebrated
my 50th birthday two days before and was looking forward to seeing my children
the weekend.
On Friday I
got the call that no parent should have to receive that my son had been
killed the night before. I did the initial thing any parent would do and
that is question God, then I became angry. After the shock and the long
four-hour ride to North Carolina from West Virginia, God spoke to me and
assured me He would be there for me every step of the way through this
horrible journey called grief. I had to search my soul to keep the faith.
On the day
I was to pick out my son's casket God spoke to me again. When I asked why
my only son, He simply whispered " I gave my Son for you". I can’t begin
to tell you how those words carried me through. Now I know that God prepares
us for what is to come in the future and that we see the right now when
He sees way down the road. He puts us where he wants us, when he wants
us there for as long as he wants us there. I know now that my move from
North Carolina to WV was preparation for me to face losing my son. So I
tucked in my Faith just like Job and continue to say "For God I live, and
For God I die. He will put no more on us than we can bear. "He gave His
son for me; now I give my son back to Thee.
(To this day
no one has been charged with my son's death.)
Joan Dotson
Mother of
Steve: 10-20-69 to 6-07-91
The day before
Steve died, I was feeling so blessed that all our children were independent
and our youngest son was just finishing his first year of college. I guess
I was at the point of feeling so self sufficient and content with my life,
then my whole world turned upsidedown. I did question WHY? Many times
in the next three years. And each time I said that word, God would speak
to my heart and say "You do not have to know why, but JUST TRUST ME".
It took me three long years to finally quit bringing Steve back down here
in my memories and to let him stay in heaven. It was not until then
that I felt Joy when I thought about Steve and not pain. My faith
grew so much stronger and God became real to me because I had come face
to face with HIM the night Steve died (even though I couldn't see Him).
I think it makes our faith so much stronger because we Experience for the
first time what we have heard and been taught all our Christian life and
HE does what he promises HE will do in HIS word. I experienced that
" PEACE THAT PASSETH ALL UNDERSTANDING." You are never the same again
in any area of your life, especially in your walk with God.
Rhonda Henshaw
Mother of
David: 02/05/84 to 06/21/02
I don't exactly
know how my faith has changed since my son was murdered. I still
believe in God. I do not believe that God took my son, I believe
a human on earth murdered him. I believe my son is in heaven and
I will see him again some day. I sometimes wondered if I had been
better, not done something, went to church more, prayed more; would things
be any different, but I decided that would not have changed the person
that killed my son. It may have kept my son from being where he was
that night, but my son David did not do anything wrong. He rode with
a boy that did not want to ride by himself. He was actually being
nice and it cost him his life, so you just never know.
I was angry
at God and I didn't and still do not understand why it had to happen, but
I think God puts us on this earth and lets us make choices. When
bad people, make bad choices, sometimes innocent people get hurt.
I think God could have saved my son, but I guess he could save everyone.
I don't think anyone knows why some people get a miracle and others don't.
I don't think any of us will ever understand his plan until we get to heaven,
and even then I'm not sure we will care anymore. And ever once
in awhile, I try to tell myself, maybe God was doing what was best for
my son and letting him in heaven early, so he did not have to live in such
a cruel world. Maybe I'm just being selfish by wanting to keep him
here on earth with me. I find my selfishness very reasonable and
I think God understands.
I just pray
I will continue to have faith God will help me and I will share my problems
with him and let him take some of the burden and give me comfort in as
many ways as he possibly can. If he will keep my baby safe and happy
until I can see him that is what is most important to me. I just
want David not to be worried about me, but I also want him to know how
much I love and miss him. Sometimes I worry if I tell God how bad
I feel, David will know and then he won't be able to enjoy heaven.
I want heaven to be better than anything any of us could ever imagine and
I believe it is....so I hope God tells David I am happy and doing great,
but yet lets him know I would do anything to be with him and lets him know
how very much I love and miss him and how much I want to be with him.
I guess, you
can say I'm confused, hurt, lonely, depressed, heartbroken and sometimes
miserable. I am also thankful for my family, dog, friends, days full
of sunshine, pretty flowers, my memories of David, and all the people who
have tried to help me through this and for the good things I have learned.
I have met some very wise people. Bottom line is I need God more
now than I think I ever had and I pray he is carrying me now and I am not
walking this difficult road all alone.
I very strongly
believe God is with me and if I will allow him, he will try to help me
as best he can through this. I feel I have learned a lot about life
and I have met a lot of wonderful people I would not have met if my son
had not died. I do not feel like God took him for me to learn this,
I feel this is the best comfort God has to offer me in my time of sorrow.
I believe God
is good and loving and wants the best for everyone. I don't think
he is evil or wanted to make me or anyone else in this world suffer.
I don't go
to church as much as I use to. When I go to church, I cry & cry
& cry. I just can't control my emotions, so I find it best not
to go. I think God wants to teach me something and maybe I just won't
let him...but I'm not sure. I have also met some people in church
that weren't very good Christians, so I feel I can have a great relationship
with God, one on one. I will try to lead the best life I can, enjoy
the nature God has blessed us with and keep saying my prayers and asking
him to keep my son completely happy until I'm able to be with him again.
Doris Hooker
Andrew ….Our
Miracle, Our Angel
12/10/96-01/09/01
http:/home.comcast.net/~cdmaa/
I personally
still believe that God answers prayers and I believe also in miracles.
I just believe that the answer we get might not be the answer we want.
I have stopped
going to church - I feel guilty to sit in church when I feel so bad toward
life. I am very angry! At everything! Of course I don’t understand
why a young boy at the age of 4 would be taken away from a family who gave
their whole life for him and that their are little children who goes day
by day without love and someone to care about them.
I am also jealous
- which kills my insides. My sisters and brother are now starting their
families and have their "perfect" families... When mine will never be fulfilled
again. I can’t stand the smiles and all the happiness when all I
feel is sadness.
I do live for
my daughter Megan who is now 10 and my husband of 13 yrs! I am very happy
with them but our life is just NOT complete.
I do thank
God for the 4 wonderful years I had with Andrew. He could of passed
away at birth or many times throughout the years! I know Andrew is with
Jesus and Andrew is happy... I just hope one day I can be happy too!
Diane Craddock
Mother of
JJ Wade (9/22/72-1/26/04)
Michele Wade
(12/31/76-5/20/04)
Angels Love
Notes
My two sweet
precious angels,
In no time
you were grown,
After you
became adults,
Six "small"
angels joined our home.
Our pure love
for each other,
Gave many
smiles and some tears.
Any cloud
always had a silver lining,
During your
brief earthly years.
When our Father
decided,
It was time
for you to go,
Only He could
provide peace and comfort,
While your
children and I mourn you so.
Sweet memories
that we shared,
Are lovingly
cherished every day.
Angels love
notes are sent to you,
Each night
when we kneel and pray.
You are warm
rays of sunshine,
In the many
lives that you kissed.
Now, our days
are an uphill climb,
Your smiling
faces are greatly missed.
Written by
Diane Craddock
Author's Comments:
"I wrote this
poem in memory of my only son, JJ, that died suddenly at the age of 31
on January 26, 2004 leaving me with two heartbroken young boys to raise.
Also, in memory of my only daughter, Michele, who at the age of 27 was
killed instantly in a car crash when a woman crossed the centerline. She
left behind three sons and one daughter, her youngest son--3yrs was hurt
in accident and I am raising him also. Writing the poems helps me work
through some of my grief."
angelsarms2004@verizon.net
Cindy Jo Greever
Mother of
Michelle: 8-24-84 to 11-5-93
In a nutshell
my faith got me through my intense grief when our Michelle parted.
My faith was strong before our daughter parted and I continued to partake
with my usual church activities and friends. Over the years however, though
my faith is still just as strong, I have found comfort in "not doing" what
some "other Christians" portray as the way to be a Believer.
I can refrain
from church and Bible study having learned a lot when I attended, sort
of like attending college and then moving on to "apply" those teachings
and lessons.
I am God's
child and saved and don't need to belong to or have any particular religion
to be a Christian and await Paradise and a life of perfect peace and beauty
when my "time" comes.
I continue
to have MANY questions, the WHYS never ever go away!
I know that
the CREATOR is in control and makes no mistakes. He says in this life we
will suffer and have pain and this life wasn't meant to be perfect.
I have faith
and trust and confidence in knowing I will be free one day and this life
of lessons will be over. There are NO guarantees in this life, we are all
sinners and God is the Final Judge!
The Creator
who made ALL THAT WAS MADE is DIVINE!!
Thanks for
letting me share,
CindyJo, Mother
to Michelle Marie 1984~1993 www.geocities.com/michellemaries
Rick Toms
Father of
Bill Toms, Jr.: 6-6-63 to 4-7-02
To be honest,
my faith has become much stronger, and I have a sense of Peace. I also
look forward to being with my son Bill, Mom and Dad and other loved ones
who have gone home to be with the Lord. I don’t believe my son would want
me to remain stuck in my grief.
I feel much
closer to Him for giving me the Grace to accept the things I cannot change.
I don’t believe that my Lord would want me to remain stuck in Grief and
Sorrow.
Susan Perez
Mother of
Joshua (1/26/94-11/30/02) and Jennifer (10/10/95-12/01/02)
My two children
Joshua who was 8 and Jennifer who was 7 were killed in a train accident
along with my father on November 30, 2002. As many parents that have
been through it know it was the most horrific day of my life. My walk with
Christ was strong before the accident, thankfully. I was a single
mom raising two children. So I learned to allow God to be the center
of our home, which took a lot of pressure off of me as a single mother.
When I received
the phone call about the accident I was in Massachusetts visiting my grandfather
who had just been diagnosed with cancer and was not expected to live much
longer. As those terrifying moments happened I can truly tell you I felt
God's arms wrap around me in a way I have never felt before. My son and
my father were killed instantly and my daughter was life flighted to a
hospital in Houston. I was unable to get a flight out until the next
morning. I called several friends who went to the hospital to be with Jennifer
and my ex-husband.
God's presence
was evident to me from the very beginning. After the initial shock of hearing
the news I immediately went into prayer and I did not stop the entire time.
I of course prayed for healing for Jennifer because I did not believe that
He would take them both and even though it was bad God was big enough to
work a miracle. On the plane ride to Houston I remember praying for
Jennifer and becoming completely broken. I knew in my heart that she would
not be coming home with me and that she would join her brother and grandfather
in heaven. My prayer then became "Your will not mine" I am
not big enough to handle this on my own You are going to have to carry
me but if this is Your will God then hold me. It was a moment of
complete surrender to His will. Jennifer did not come home with me and
God did not heal her the way I wanted Him to but He did heal her broken
little body as He took her hand and lead her to paradise.
It has not
been an easy journey for me. It has been nearly 3 years and I miss
my children daily and long to hold them and hear their laugh. The
healing has been gradual but I find comfort and peace in knowing that I
am not alone. God is beside me every step of the way. I experienced
God in a very intimate and real way that day and I pray that I never forget
how it felt to have His mighty and Holy arms wrap around me as my Daddy
God comforted me.
I have since
started a support group in my hometown of College Station and am in the
process of starting a ministry, Haven of Hope, to reach out to parents
and children that have lost children and parents. I have found great comfort
and healing comes from reaching out to others.
I chose the
name Haven of Hope for my ministry because my true hope rests in the assurance
that I will see my children and my dad in heaven and I will never have
to say goodbye to them again.
