Julane Grant generously offered to let us use part of her website for this issue. In a recent e-mail, she said: "You might want to mention my holidays page in your fall newsletter  http://angelabode.com...  Seventeen years this year for both of us.  Wonderfully, it never seems more like a couple of years when it comes to memories.  It never seems like more than two years since I last saw Darren and I know some of my friends think that it is strange that I can talk about things he did like it was yesterday.  Also after seventeen years, the grief is now far surpassed by the joy of the 22 years I had.  I am sure you feel the same about Leon and Wayne. I am sorry you had to mail my last newsletter because of losing my address and me not responding sooner.  I just had my computer messed up for awhile.  I really enjoyed the stories of the second year.  It is so sad to meet someone in their first year and know that the second is even going to be worse for them." Now from her website: 

"If your child went to heaven near the holidays, then we know that first Christmas was the worst ever, or you didn't even notice it, except maybe to get angry at others' joy. I completely skipped Christmas the first year, and Darren died in August. I couldn't go into a store because I couldn't buy Darren a present. I bought no presents, sent no cards and of course had no decorations. Instead I went to visit a friend across the country who was going to have a miserable Christmas because she couldn't get home to her family. We didn't do Christmas, together. It is especially easy to leave when you have lost your only child and/or you have no extended family near. Some parents have made a new tradition of leaving for the holidays each year. The hole in the stocking is too big for Santa to fill so why try to fix it, get a new stocking (a new tradition)."

On this website, many other parents have contributed their ideas on how to handle Christmas after you’ve lost a child. Here are some of them:

· Netta: was having problems in deciding whether to  put up a Christmas tree after Cara’s death. A friend suggested putting ornaments on engraved with Cara’s name. So there is a new ornament every year which the whole family enjoys.

· Mitz: was worried about losing the last possessions of son Andy if she went out of town. Now she stores them with a friend.

· Vicki: Her family brings a Christmas tree to the cemetery where Katie is buried. They also donate toys in memory of Katie. They light candles for her at a Memories Of The Heart Service.

· Sara: Adorns her tree with small pictures of Mark & Whendy. Some she puts on a holiday background; some are framed; some laminated in shapes like ornaments. All are wired for hanging on a tree.

· Brenda: Sprinkled some of Lara’s ashes from a cruise ship on the day of her accident – January 1st. They also dedicated a New Year’s fireworks display.

· Daria: Hangs Christmas stockings with son Marcos’ name. She leaves a door open all night – so that symbolically and really all are welcome.

· Tahnee: makes sugar cookies in her daughter’s memory.

· Sheralee: After Bram died, she puts a small prefabricated tree on his grave site. They have taken pictures of this tree with Bram’s young daughter and use these on their Christmas cards.

· Betty: Started For The Love Of Our Children in memory of son Joe. It is a group of bereaved mothers who do charitable work for abused and abandoned children. They also sponsor a child each year, giving them gifts in memory of their child.

Other ideas include:

· A wreath with 5 candles is prepared. "As we light these 5 candles in memory of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, and one for our memories, one for our love and one for our hope.’

· 11 year old Rusty was killed in a car accident. Each year they ‘adopt’ a needy 11 year old, take him shopping, to the movies, to dinner etc.

· "One of the things Joshua liked was trains." So each year they buy a train ornament with Joshua’s name on it.

· Donates basketballs to TOYS FOR TOTS in memory of their son.

· "This Christmas in Johnny’s honor I helped gather donations for a very poor deserving family of 7 who live in a one-room shack in our town."

· Giving the gift of life (a pint of blood) to honor your child at Christmas is a great way to remember them during holidays and may help save another’s life
 

~THE HORRIBLE SECOND YEAR~

~FINDING RELIEF THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS~

~GRIEF SUPPORT INFORMATION~ PAGE INDEX