Washington,
DC ~ A question commonly asked by bereaved people at this time of year
is, "How can I get through the holidays?" There is really no single
answer of what one should or shouldn't do. Hospice Foundation of
America stresses one guiding principle: do what is comfortable.
"When we are
already experiencing the great stress of bereavement, the addtional strains
of the holiday can create unbearable pressure," commented Jack Gordon,
President of HFA. The key to coping with grief during the holidays
is to find the way that is right for you."
Some people
find it helpful to be with family and friends, emphasizing the familiar.
Others may wish to avoid old sights and sounds, perhaps even taking a trip.
Others will find new ways to acknowledge the season.
Here are some
key points from HFA'a Holiday Grief Campaign:
Plan
for the approaching holidays. Be aware that this might be a difficult
time for you. The additional stress may affect you emotionally, cognitively,
and physically; this is a normal reaction. It is important to be
prepared for these feelings.
Recognize that
holidays won't be the same. If you try to keep everything as it was,
you'll be disappointed. Doing things a bit differently can acknowledge
the change while preserving continuity with the past.
Be careful
not to isolate yourself. It is alright to take time for yourself
but don't cut yourself off from the support of family and friends.
The holidays
may affect other family members. Talk over your plans. Respect
their choices and needs, and compromise if necessary.
Avoid additional
stress. Decide what you really want to do, and what can be avoided.
As part of their
campaign to educate and assist people at this time of year, HFA produces
several resources. This includes a special holiday issue of their
Journeys bereavement newsletter, an educational feature article distributed
across the country and available for reprint, and HFA's Living With Greif
brochure series. A special Internet Chat Session set for December
1st, 11:00am - 12noon on www.healthAtoZ.com, with senior consultant Kenneth
Doka, Ph.D. focuses on grief during the holidays.
GriefNet grants
anyone the right to reprint this information without request for compensation
so long as the copy is not used for profit and so long as this paragraph
is reprinted in its entirety with any copied portion. For further
information contact GriefNet Library.
~TIPS FOR
HANDLING THE HOLIDAYS~
1)
DECIDE WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE COMFORTABLY AND LET FAMILY AND FRIENDS KNOW.
Can I handle responsibility of the family dinner, etc. or shall I ask someone
else to do it? Do I want to talk about my loved one or not?
Shall I stay here for the holidays or go to a completely different enviornment?
2) MAKE
SOME CHANGES IF THEY FEEL COMFORTABLE FOR YOU. Open presents Christmas
Eve instead of Christmas morning. Vary the timing of Channukah gift
giving. Have dinner at a different time or place. Let the children
take over decorating the house, the tree, baking and food preparation,
etc.
3) RE-EXAMINE
YOUR PRIORITIES: GREETING CARDS, HOLIDAY BAKING, DECORATING, PUTTING UP
A TREE, FAMILY DINNER, ETC. Do I really enjoy doing this? Is
this a task that can be shared?
4) CONSIDER
DOING SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Donate a gift in the memory
of your loved one. Donate money you would have spent on your loved
one as a gift to charity. Adopt a needy family for the holidays.
Invite a guest (foreign student, senior citizen) to share festivities.
5)RECOGNIZE
YOUR LOVED ONE'S PRESENCE IN THE FAMILY. Burn a special candle to
quietly include your loved one. Hang a stocking for your loved one
in which people can put notes with their thoughts or feelings. Listen
to music especially liked by the deceased. Look at photographs.
6) IF
YOU DECIDE TO DO HOLIDAY SHOPPING, MAKE A LIST AHEAD OF TIME AND KEEP IT
HANDY FOR A GOOD DAY, OR SHIP THROUGH A CATALOGUE.
7) OBSERVE
THE HOLIDAYS IN WAYS WHICH ARE COMFORTABLE FOR YOU. There is no right
or wrong way of handling holidays. Once you've decided how to observe
the tiem. let others know.
8) TRY
TO GET ENOUGH REST - HOLIDAYS CAN BE EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY DRAINING.
9) ALLOW
YOURSELF TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS. Holidays often magnify feelings
of loss. It is natural to feel sadness. Share concerns, apprehensions,
feelings with a friend. The need for support is often greater during
holidays.
10) KEEP IN
MIND THAT THE EXPERIENCE OF MANY BEREAVED PERSONS IS THAT THEY DO COME
TO ENJOY HOLIDAYS AGAIN. THERE WILL BE OTHER HOLIDAY SEASONS TO CELEBRATE.
11) DON'T BE
AFRAID TO HAVE FUN. Laughter and joy are not disrespectful.
Give yourself and your family members permission to celebrate and take
pleasure in the holidays.
Rivendall Resources
grants anyone the right to reprint this information without request for
compensation so long as the copy is not used for profit and so long as
this paragraph is reprinted in its entirety with any copied portion.
For further information contact: Cendra (ken'dra) Lynn, Ph.D. ~ Cendra@griefnet.org
