"You
will not ever enjoy Christmas again!" Those were the first words
I heard from a fellow bereaved mothers at my first support meeting after
that deaths of my only two sons. It was in December of 1990 and my
sons had died just two months before. The lady who "shared" that
information had lost a child over 10 years before this. It almost
took my hope away thinking that God could not bring some kind of healing
and joy ever again.
I did cry some
the first Christmas but was able to go to church services on Christmas
Eve. It reminded me of so many happy Christmases I had with my sons.
My oldest son, Leon Jr., had even been an altar boy one Christmas.
On Christmas morning, I was back in church even though my husband and daughter
would not go. I felt God carrying me through the service. When
the kids were young, I took them every Christmas morning to remind them
whose birth we were celebrating.
The second
Christmas after the boy's deaths was worse than the first. I later
learned that during the first year you are in shock and that was God's
way of protecting me. If a sudden death is involved, the shock is
even worse. My sons, Leon Jr. and Wayne Jonas, had died together
in a car crash. During the second year, you realize that your child
is NEVER coming home again and that causes you more pain.
During the
first two Christmases, our family ate out wherever we could find a restaurant
open. We just wanted to be alone and I sure didn't want to cook.
Being with our extended family was too much to handle. Anytime we
were with them it was like my sons had never existed because they never
talked about them. We longed to hear our sons' names spoken.
The one fear that bereaved families have is that their child will be forgotten.
As someone has said, it's like having an elephant in the room but everyone
pretends its not there.
By the fourth
year, I was able to cook again. Christmas began to take on a new
meaning for me. It was no longer about giving and receiving presents,
but more about appreciating the real gift of our Lord and Savior Jesus
Christ. Because he came, lived and died for us, I have the hope of
seeing my sons again and being home with the One who carried me through
those hard and painful years of grief.
She was wrong!
It's been 15 years now and I thank God every day for all the blessings
and joy I have. If you know someone who has lost a child in the last
three years, the best gifts you can give them are:
1)
Send them a card and share a memory of their child in it
2) Listen to
them this Holiday season and encourage them to talk about their child
3) One of the
most important gifts doesn't come wrapped in paper; give them a hug and
show them you care.
