
Interviewer- "Welcome to the 'Last Man Standing' update show, we are here with "Sexy Bitch" Dick Johnson, welcome Dick."
Dick Johnson- "What did you call me, did you call me 'Dick'? It's Richard to you, no better yet it's 'Sexy Bitch' Mr. Johnson."
Interviewer- "I'm sorry Mr. Johnson" ((D. Johnson looks at him funny)) "Sorry 'Sexy Bitch' Mr. Johnson."
Dick Johnson- "Don't worry I'm just fuckin with ya,........I still want you to call me Mr. Johnson though."
Interviewer- "Of course. So anyway Mr. Johnson, you want to be in the 'Last Man Standing' Tournament, what makes you better than everyone else who is, or wants to be, in it?"
D.J.- "Look at me." ((The Interviewer looks and is puzzled, Dick Johnson detects this)) "At my sexiness, God Damnit your an idiot. You know of my wrestling skill, I have sent you my highlight film, I've trained with Mad Dog McGruff In California, with a close friend of mine, and a competitor in the tournament, Dan Tyler. We are excellent wrestlers, but lets get off them and back on me. For years the wrestling industry has lacked style, class, manners, etiquette, and above all me. I want to be in the tournament, and eventually win to show the world that not all wrestlers are flannel and sweatpants wearing, motorcycle riding, beer drinking, white trash. Some, a select few, but some of us have class. Think of it, If I win, sorry I mean when I win, The youth of America, no the World will see me and say, 'That's a clean, good looking wrestler'. The wrestlers of the future will no longer posses evil powers or have a history of mental illness, they will be respectable people, in and out of the ring. But I'm not only doing this for the future of wrestling, but for the present of wrestling. Even the 45 year olds can turn themselves around and take off the face paint and bandannas, and learn to dress, such as matching their top to their bottom, shoes that actually don't require Velcro. I can show the wrestlers of today to stop burping and start training. Today it seems the more out of shape you are the more popular you are, and honestly it saddens me. It actually brings me near tearing. I 'The Sexiest Man Alive' will succeed in my mission, and if not, I still made my point."
Interviewer- "You mentioned that you were 'The Sexiest Man Alive', do you have any documentation to prove this? (Dick Johnson calls to an assistant on the set and tells them to fetch his wallet. The assistant comes back with a purse, the interviewer looks a little worried.) Why do you have a purse?"
D.J.- "It's European" ((He hands the interviewer a business card sized piece of paper, it reads Sexiest Man Alive, then below it is Dick Johnson's signature.)) "Eh?? Eh???"
Interviewer- "I saw this in the novelty shop down the block."
D.J.- "Uhhh well, uhhhh, Shut up! Well, you don't have one, do you? Anyway even if you do have one, you don't deserve it. You look like you came out of a bad 80's prime time detective show. So Booya to you!"
Interviewer- "I don't have the slightest clue what your talking about."
D.J.- "Shut up! Anyway I the 'Sexecutioner' will have my way with all the wrestlers in the tournament, I guarantee a victory."
Interviewer- "Hmmm, 'Sexicutioner'? sounds familiar."
D.J.- "Shut up, I said! You see I have an agenda to follow and I always keep my plans. ((Dick Johnson reaches into his "European" purse and pulls out a planner.)) This is my weekly planner. Any normal human being should carry one everywhere they go. But now that I look at you........anyway lets get a camera on this. ((The picture shows a close-up of a page of the planner. It reads "Monday-Kick ass, Tuesday- Kick ass, Wednesday- Manicure, then kick ass...")) You see, I don't mess around. "
Interviewer- "You mentioned that your friend 'The Legend' Dan Tyler is also in the tournament. What if you guys have to wrestle each other?"
D.J.- "We are both prepared for that, we are professionals, I am a 'Seasoned Vet' and He is a 'Legend'. We are both tremendous athletes and respect eachother greatly, and will hold nothing back if we are forced to do battle. But we all know I'll kick his ass."
Interviewer- "Some wrestlers in this tournament may not take you seriously, what do you have to say to those wrestlers?"
D.J.- "You should take me seriously, because no ones better than me. And never ever tell me your better, because, I'm the best, the baddest and sure as hell am the Sexiest!"
:: Dick Johnson Gets out of his seat with purse in hand and walk to the snack table. He takes a twinkee and walks off the set and into his dressing room shutting the door behind him. The camera is shut off, so as it wont record Niel Downs yelling like a mad man because Dick Johnson walked off the set. The interviewer tells his men to hurry and pack up before it gets ugly, but finds them in bed with the Nude woman, talking. She's obviously not interested, and she gets up and walks towards Dick Johnson's dressing room and goes in and you can hear the door lock. The crew members then work their way to the snack table and fill their pocket with donuts. The interviewer is pissed so he packs up everything himself and goes out side to the van. Even though the union members are still eating the donuts inside, he leaves.))