This is a Chris fanfic. No other member of Dream Street is in it. This is basically a short-story, based on the chorus of the song "Emotionless" by Good Charlotte. I changed one word in the song so it corresponds with the plot, just so you know. It's an amazing song; you really need to go download this and listen to it as you read. It totally gets the mood across.
Okay, now I know this is a very sensitive subject for Chris, his friends, and family. But this story is about Chris' feelings about his father's death. Now, I don't know at all how Chris reacted to the incident, but this is FICTION!
Anyways, now that I got that out, I really hope you enjoy the story, and please, review. I worked hard on this. ************************************************************************ *** 'This is it.' I thought, in a sort of apprehensive way. I pulled back the thick, velvet curtain to take a quick peek at all of the streaming girls seated and waiting for the concert to begin. This was my first big concert as a rising solo artist. 'It'll probably be the most memorable concert I'll do in my lifetime.'
"The most memorable...." I said in a whisper, letting my words trail off. Suddenly, my energetic and pleasant thoughts turned sour. 'Dad should be here! He should be front row, center! How can he miss this?!' I wanted to hit something. I leaned up against the wall and slid down to a squatting position on the floor as I thought.....

It's been a long hard road without you by my side

I let my thoughts take me back to all the performances I had done with Dream Street. Before Dad passed away, he always said that I had a special gift, and to share it with the world. Then, afterwards, every performance I did was always a little harder then the last. I thought, 'How am I just supposed to go out there and act like everything is fine and perform with all this energy when inside I feel like dying myself?' He had always told me and Ronnie that he'd always be there for us. I had to go through most of my teenage years without a father! How is that being there for me?!

Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried

After it happened, Ron and Tracey came down from Michigan to stay with me and Mom for awhile. Oh, Mom.... she was a wreck. It pained me so much to see her so upset. She practically never stopped crying. That got Tracey crying. Which in turn got me and Ron crying. It wasn't a pretty sight. I remember the day of his funeral. We all just held each other, for hours, without moving. He wasn't there. And when we cried our tears of joy, he wasn't there. Tracey and Ron had just birthed Nick. My second nephew. And he would have been Dad's second grandchild. And he missed it.

You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life, it's not OK, but we're alright

Me and Ron weren't the same. I began to do poorly in school. Ron stopped working. Mom rarely came out of her room. They were all sad. But me, I was angry. I was so filled with hate. It blew my mind that he wasn't there any more. And never would be. But as time progressed, I slowly pushed him out of my mind. To this day, I still hate him. But with every concert, every interview, every audition, I blockaded any memory of him. It would just hurt too bad. I thought I was finally okay. Until tonight. My shining moment, and he comes rushing back to me.

I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes, but those are just a long lost memory of mine

I loved Dad so much. He was my hero, my biggest inspiration. He believed in me so much. When I was younger, I went to Dad with every little problem. "Daddy, I have a boo-boo." "Dad, can you fix my bike tire?" "Dad, I'm sorta having girlfriend problems..." "Dad, I really need you to be at the concert tonight. I need your support." Geez, I haven't thought about him being my hero like that in a long time.

I spent so many years learning how to survive

After I blocked Dad from my thoughts, I had to learn how to handle things on my own. It was extremely tough. Especially during my teen years. All my problems, I had to solve them by myself. It's scary. I don't have my best friend with me when I need him the most. But eventually, it got easier. I learned to be completely self-dependent. Now, that's just life. I do it every day. So why do I feel like I need him so bad right now? Why can't I just block him from my mind again? I kind of feel bad, in a way. Before his death, I was pretty religious. I prayed every night. I talked to my deceased grandfather through prayer. But I've just been so full of anger and hatred since Dad died. I haven't prayed since; haven't talked to him. But I need him so badly now.....

I knelt down, clasped my hands together and began speaking.

Now I'm praying just to let you know I'm still alive

H-hi Dad. Uh, it's Chris. I know I haven't been the best son the past couple of years. You know, it's been hard for me. But that's no excuse. I know it's been hard for you too. Me, acting so hateful towards you. I know it hurts you. I-I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to deal. Um, I, uh, I miss you. A lot. I want so badly for you to be here right now! I need you, Dad! Why did you have to leave me?! I know it wasn't your own will to go, but still! This is one of the most important nights of my life, I want you to be here!

I heard the chants of "CHRIS!" growing louder inside the arena, so I knew it was nearly time for me to go on. I quickly wrapped up my prayer.

Well, Dad, I have to go now. Even though you're not here physically, I now feel you here. In my heart and in my mind. And I know now that that's where you'll always be if I need you for anything. So, um, bye for now. I love you.

I made the sign of the cross and wiped my eyes, which were flowing freely with tears. Just as I was standing up, Claudia came over to me and told me to get in position on stage. I nodded and swiftly took my mark. As the lights dimmed and the crown cheered, I smiled. Cause I knew Dad was here, watching me in all my glory.

************************************************************************ *** Whew! That took nearly an hour and a half for me to write! I think it's my best fan fiction yet! I hope you all liked it as well. If you did, and if you didn't, please review! I'm begging you to! I would really like to know what you think. Well, that's all for now. I'd like to thank Chris Trousdale, for being unbelievably amazing, Good Charlotte, for writing a magnificent and heartfelt song, and myself, for thinking of the unique plot. Lol! Okay guys, see ya!

-Amerz