*~My Star~* *~My Star~*



Autumn currently feels:


27/7/02 ::Day One::

Help!I don't know what I'm doing..... current Yokohama time is 7:05 am Must get ready to face the day ahead. I'm sort of looking foward to this[[blogging]]. Yesterday, it took me a while to understand that I needed a change...  ...I'm feeling my usual groggy self so I'm not completly freaked by feeling any new emotions I've been feeling...hmmm...It's going to take a while to pull this whole thing together, if it's going to work...everything's beginning again..... Love,


6/8/02 ::Day Two::

Not doing nothing now,'cept listenting to Keiko Matsui's
Dream Walk...perfect for ::LOvE MAkiNG:: Well it's actually been awhile since I last written anything. I just can't think of anything to say. Well, i'm proud to finally have this going, I still have lots of work to do on this site and in RL. I miss my baby..how I wish he would come to me....!! Love,



7/8/02 ::Day Three::

*:Sigh:* Hello all! I don't think I have much to write about today. *lol* what I surprise I bet, well, I'm not particularly feeling full of surprises today. I've been doing okay, the hospital let me home on the twenty-third of June(I'll explain later), I still feel tired as usual. by the way, how do you like the new set? nice isn't it, when I saw it, I had to have it, it's a little bit more of a stationary type set than the others I've used and not to mention in my most favorite color too! LOL I knew you'd like it! Love,


8/8/02 ::Day four::

Okay since i've got a sudden itch to blog! There's something I've been wanting to tell you, something i haven't even been able to even tell my mother or gossip partners. You may want to take a deep breath before I tell you, but just prepare for what I have to say. Well, some weeks ago I got such a scare! I noticed that I haven't really been receiving my "monthly curse" like I should at all lately and I've been getting sick in the morning, like my stomach has been doing cartwheels! Though I've been through this type of sickness and worry several times, it still bothers me, I haven't been with anyone *AT ALL* I told my doctor about my new problem and she says that I'm not pregnant but it's my diet and stress. I sometimes worry myself so sick and I have no one around to help me out much and the only reason that I missed my "monthly" is because of medication and all the testing I've been going through. the doctors say I should be back to normal in no time. (((YoU COuLD PRobABlY IMaGinE tHE lEVEL oF "PIssED OFf anD HApPIneSS i WAs oN)))

It certainly is dark tonight, any other time the city lights would just beam through my room window. *exaggerated groan* so...nothing to do, I suddenly have that age old feeling of "aloneness" again...no one to come visit me, well then there's you but you're just like the walls you surround me but don't say a word. *sigh* pretty quiet tonight... even on the third floor the crickets seem to be chirping awfully loud....funny! I can even remebered when I whined to the nurse about how cold it was in the hospital but all she could say is that she doesn't control the thermostats and the temperature was set for the season all over the hospital. She offered me a warmed blanket though, fresh from an oven like incubator, I thanked her anyway. It's never been brought to my notice but I can't remember Chugoku Shikoku (Hiroshima) ever getting so hot that but why in heaven's holy name would someone adjust the air to such a ridiculous temperature, high enough to preserve an ice glacier! Love,


10/8/02 ::Day Five::

Okay peeps here's the deal, I moved finally finished my cliques *exited jumping around* section and so far so good,and what a day it has been. I never felt so proud and so sleepy at the same time! I figure all of this sudden grip of stress'll kill me, if the HTML doesnt do it first. I'm much to tired now to write but I :-[PROMISE!]-: You a good juicy story when I'm up to it. 'k? Night Night.. Take care of yourselves Love,

Silly me! here's the link Newest page


13/8/02 ::Day Six::

*Just can't seem to shake this damn sense of confusion and wanting. No, I cannot answer why. But I know that I must come out of this trance someway...somehow...*


::-Have you ever felt drawn or haunted by the dead? As if they were still around?-::

Hi all. I figured I would stop being lazy and finally update this crap before I totally forget about it. Sorry for such a loooooooong time leaving you with nothing, I've been feeling under the weather lately. This sappy feeling is getting pretty old. So much so that I don't remember what it would feel like If I weren't depressed. One second I'm walking on clouds the next I'm flying around in a whirlwind of melencholy, pity, confusion,longing, and lust. Last night came to me as a weary and empty one. As I paced around my room, of course, my mind was on Mike..but something inside me felt so empty and I couldn't help the situtation one way or another, like some force bigger than I commands my every move. Like a trance...a curse.


I dressed ready to go to bed but I didn't until...ahh...about 2:10 am. After pacing some more in the dim, dire, lights,I sat on my bed, listening to depressing music and having had three smokes (yes, I had kicked that habit two children back, but it was called for this time) It dawned on me that I wanted a change in my relationship with mike..but what was the change to be?? That was the question ripping my head (and heart) apart, I was very anxious, I can't just flat out tell him that, it would scare him as well as break both of our hearts but heaven knows that I would sell my very soul for him! I still want him, have feelings for him. I hope he knows it too...


So?? What makes this feel like a curse another man, a memory of a certain someone had popped (unenvited and unexpectedly) into my mind to haunt and torment me further here on earth, and it seemed as if he were drawing me back to him.. Just a single look of an old beautiful black and white photograph brought on a flood of memories and seemed to draw me into the world of the dead. It felt as if his spirit could position himself in Mikes' place and it goes on and on until days finally turn into a week! A whole week of mourning and depression! The sudden need to see him becomes a temporary obsession and I felt feelings that were only reserved for Michael...it felt so wrong...and((weird)) after years of his death and giving Mike all my love...he decides to tug my heart strings, I even dremt it. After convincing myself why I should only focus on Michael, I prayed for God to fill this empty hole in my heart and save me from this euphoric hell. I know it sounds beyond crazy, but I realized I've been living in a dream world lately. I now laugh at this because I feel *some* sort of clairty of who I belong to (Mike). And Mike if you're reading this now, please forgive me for all that I put you through, my sweet darling dear.. I know I can break free of this....If I can find it in me to survive ...and with the way I'm feeling...survival seems futile..... Love,


What type of Bishounen are you? Find out at artificial-soul.net by Rin.



15/8/02 ::Day seven::

*I figured that I should have posted this on the first day that I started this, but as I said on that day, I didn't know what I was doing >_< okay! You DON'T have to agree with me on that one!! And thus, lo and behold, thou see the results of my boredom!




What time is it: 8:23

Name: Akiko

Nickname(s): Le, mama, mom, bitch, sexy-whore, sweetface, Aki, Autumn, woman, the list goes on...

Age: You want the truth???

Nationality: Japanese/American..your choice! ;)

Birthplace: Yokohama, Japan

Hometown: Yokosuka, Japan

Current living in..: Yokosuka, Japan

Birthday: October 16

Astro Sign: libra

Married: no

Virgin?: no

Location: Yokosuka, Japan

Natural hair color: Raven black

Current hair color: "Midnight Love" some crazy name like that but it's traditionally black :>_<:

Eye color: dark brown

Height: 5'7"

Weight: Lets just say my shadow weighs more than I do!

Are you Bi....lingual?: Yes

Wearing?(now): Grey ath. shirt and white gym shorts w/ baby blue side stripes.

Piercings: Two, my ears

How much do you love your job [1 to 10]: ehhh 7.. not that much to even answer this question!

Doing?: You *would* ask.

Where?: in my house.

Been to Africa: No...an old dream of mine to visit though

Loved somebody so much it made you cry? YES DEFINATELY

Coffee or Coffee ice cream? I don't drink or eat coffee. Chocolate alone is my wakeup call

Blanket or Stuffed animal: Both. Stuffed animal(preferably hello kitty) or a pillow

Number: 8

Day of the week: Friday

Flower: Wisteria

Sport to watch: I dun like to watch sports, I like to ::o ::swim::o::

When was your last hospital visit?: Yesterday, at work.What color is your bedroom carpet? Some sort of crazy color, not white not grey??

Bedtime: whenever I find time to go to
sleep!


http://www.secretsinthedark.com


::-Madonna-::I Want You::







Last updated-::15.8.02::-