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THE ONLY COUNTDOWN THAT MATTERS:
days 'til I leave for my sophomore yr of college!
I’ve already declared both my majors (which is usually a 2nd term soph chore): psychology and PNP (philosophy-neurology-psychology). I guess it’s a concentration in the study of the mind and brain, which is what I’m looking forward to studying. Hell, it’s better than majoring in physics. My grades weren’t too hot 1st semester, but I was able to pull them up 2nd semester, even though I had an extra class, so now I’m on the Dean’s List. Who’da thunk it?
Hell yes I’ve gone to the frats. And were they totally awesome? Not really. I don’t drink and I don’t dance (lehooo sah-her…shut up), so it was pretty boring to just kinda stand around and talk to the 3 ppl there who weren’t making drunken fools of themselves. I mainly went for the 1st few wkends at the beginning of school, just to see what they were like. Also, the guy I was into then was a total alcoholic, so he ALWAYS took advantage of the free frat booze, and I just followed him there.
My entire floor, actually, was big on drinking, which made staying sober actually a lot of fun. I felt like making a bag of popcorn every time ppl broke out the beer, cuz there’d be an entertaining show soon to follow. A few examples: one night, someone tried to jump a large hedge outside and ended up almost killing himself; there was once a contest to see who could jump over a garbage can while plastered; a wooden chair was demolished in the hallway at abt 3am; my roommate gets overly exuberant and happy, hugging everyone and pounding on the keyboard randomly and sending it to her friends as IMs. It’s really fun to laugh at drunken debauchery.
There was a point, however, when I thought it hypocritical that I was against ppl getting drunk when I myself had never had the experience. So I figured I’d do it once, just to see what it was like. I went to a party that some guys from the radio station were throwing and downed 4 huge red plastic cups filled w. rubbing alcohol vodka and a little fruit punch. Tasted disgusting, had no effect. On a different night, I tried drinking beer at a frat party, but all they had was bud light, which tasted like crap. I almost got sick just from the taste of the thing, and given the effort it took to get that one down, I wasn’t abt to imbibe any more. So I never actually got drunk at all. I did partake in an ice luge, though, at my fav frat house, and that was fun b/c not only was it a different, more fun way to drink, but it involved flavored shots that actually tasted GOOD. That’s the only time I ever liked the taste of alcohol, even though I’m sure there was more sugar than alcohol in those shots. My feeling is, if you don’t like the taste of alcohol, and are just getting a mixed drink to disguise the taste w. fruit juice or whatever, why not just drink the juice? Why pay for the alcohol (in more ways than one)? The thing that makes me most apprehensive abt getting drunk is how one can totally lose one’s senses, to the point where they don’t even have a memory of what happened while they were sloshed. That’s really scary to me, which is why, if I ever wanted to drink, I’d be sure I had friends I could trust nearby to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid or dangerous. Then again, knowing my friends, they’d probably make sure I did stupid things and just laugh and laugh…
I’ve been talking abt a few ppl from college in my livejournal. These are them, just so you know what I’m talking abt. Oh, and sorry for the abnormally large photos...i don't know how to make them smaller.
Raj:
An Indian from Maryland, she’s loud and crazy and lots of fun. Her laugh is great fun to make fun of. She’s my mom, b/c she wants to marry my dad…it’s a long story, very Raj-ulescent in it’s zany-ness. She’s quite fond of your mom jokes, which leads to hrs of amusement.
Daria: My next door neighbor and one of my 1st friends in college. She’s from Oak Ridge, Tennessee (“you know, where they made the bomb”), dresses in her mom’s original hippie clothes, and is masochistically in the school of architecture. Although she’s smart, she still succumbs to the torture of hrs of meticulous drawing and chair-making for architecture…but despite all the time she spends on her work, she knows practically EVERYONE on campus, including this kid who’s a carbon copy of John Cusak. Oh, and the kid standing next to her in the pic is Sam, another kid from architecture. This is right before they went to the architecture semi-formal. Nice tie, Sam.
Amanda: Wow, what can I say abt Amanda…she’s loud, blonde, and easily excitable. You can hear her coming a mile away b/ c she sounds like Fran Drescher since she’s from “Lon Gisland.” She has absolutely no tolerance for alcohol, but ALWAYS goes to the frats. She’s a very interesting person, particularly for the fact that she’s good at conversing abt her opinions and defending her arguments, but these conversations inevitably turn to a topic involving sex. I also edit all of her papers, which means that we have a working relationship, I guess. To sum it up, she’s a many-faceted, fun person.
Ashley: A girl from my Hewlitt program class, we actually went to the same ArtSci weekend thing in July (along w/ Amanda) but I didn’t realize it until Amanda told me. Ashley’s the one non-Mormon in Utah, and she’s generally Amanda’s caretaker when they go off each weekend to the frats. She’s probably the least loud and crazy of all my friends at college, but she’s interesting and fun, so we hang out.
Marshall: He and Frank constantly wrestle in the hallway, which is barely big enough for 2.5 ppl to walk down together. He’s sarcastic, funny, and…Marshall. Good conversationalist (Heather’d know too). He’s in the B(usiness)-school, and will someday lots of $$ doing the bullshit he currently does for free. He will hopefully give me much of this $$ b/c I’m so cool. Yeah.
and now what you’ve all been waiting for:
yes, this is what I do in college, for the most part, now that I’ve given up the frats. You do it too. At least I’m monogamous ;)
To paraphrase Heather, when 2 shy ppl try to get together, it’s almost hopeless. I know that I, for one, do not normally like to make the 1st move, but in this case, someone had to break though the timidity barrier and freakin send a message.
This is Frank, aka the dirty dirty whore, aka the old, bald, lazy, naked, dirty dirty whore clepto. He's in the process of becoming bald, in this pic. Yes, he’s bald by choice, and no, Sarah Thein, you are not allowed to be attracted to him b/c of that ;) He’s a wrestler, so he’s also my bodyguard…although, he’s usually the one attacking me and committing petty theft of my stuff.
Frank was one of the 1st ppl I met at college, mostly b/c our RA embarrassed him by announcing that it was his b-day at the 1st floor meeting, and making him stand up. And of course, it’s easier to talk to ppl once you know their name. So we were friends pretty much since day one, although I didn’t really hang out w. him as much at 1st b/c I was trying to attract the attention of 2 other guys (I’m really glad I never succeeded, b/c they weren’t the ppl I thought they were). At the time, it really depressed me that the 1st guy was taken by the 3rd day (cuz he’s one of those perfect ppl who meet up w. other nice-looking ppl) and the 2nd was totally into my best friend and next door neighbor Daria (they ended up going out and breaking up after like…a month, cuz the guy’s a moody bastard who ignored her). But we started hanging out more and more as the early months of the fall term progressed. It was all very playful: he’d steal things from my room, and I’d have to chase him around the building to get them back. He’d IM Heather posing as me and tell her that I was drunk and disorderly. We’d wrestle in the halls. And then, while I was out to dinner w/ Amanda, Ashley, and some other friends to break the Yom Kippur 25 hr fast, Amanda, in her less-than-tactful manner, said:
Amanda: “wait, so you still like Patrick?”Yes, I did realize how corny I sounded, which made me think abt what I’d said. That, coupled w/ how Heather, w/ whom I’d talked abt Frank and who’d talked to Frank online, was convinced (and trying to convince me) that I liked him. And when Heather 1st said it, I responded w/ a resounding NO, but at that pt, I’d realized I did. It’s always the ones under your nose that you never think abt in that way…until you realize it for yourself. Or it’s brought to your attention.
Erica: “Um…yeah…”
Amanda: “…oh, b/c Lindsay [her roommate] and I thought you liked Frank.”
Erica: “Frank? No…I mean, I may look and act like I like him, but I don’t like him.”
Once I realized I liked him, I realized that my downward crush cycle was doomed to continue, b/c he already had a girlfriend, who also went to this school. I accepted this as yet another depressing let-down-to-be, and it didn’t make me very eager to lose him as a friend by trying to start dating him. Even after he broke up w/ his gf, I didn’t gain much hope. But I still invited him to the movies w. me one time (an apprehensive moment for me), to which he accepted, and we saw that godawful movie From Hell. Not really a movie that gets your friend to think abt dating you. Possibly abt gutting you, though. There was a 12 day limbo pd where we were spending enormous amts of time alone together watching movies in his room at 2am, playing board games and cards at Ursa’s (the on-campus café), and wrestling and tickling each other at random times. Basically, it was 12 days of an exasperated Heather telling me to make a move…which I finally did, a small one. And he didn’t respond. But then another time he did, and then I knew he liked me as well, and I kissed him. And now we’ll be having our 8 month anniversary on June 26th.
Ah yes, him. Well, this has definitely turned into one helluva saga. I’m sure most of you know something abt this, either from the other involved party or myslef, but remember that there are 2 sides to every story. I’ve read his side, and it of course makes me look bad, but the blame for the way things have turned out is not my fault, for the most part. You can be the judge:
August ‘01: We’d been together for 10 months, and at the time, I didn’t want it to end. The honest reason was that I didn’t think I’d be able to find anyone else (if you haven’t noticed, I’m very insecure…and fat). He didn’t want to end it either, so we agreed to “take a break,” meaning that we’d technically have an open relationship while each of us were away in college, but during the breaks we’d come home and be together again. Yes, it was probably the stupidest thing to do, but I’d wanted the safety net of knowing there would be something of my old, fun, happy life to which I could return. It’s like swinging from a trapeze: you don’t want to let go of one bar until you have the other one w/in reach. So while I knew there were things I didn’t like in our relationship, I didn’t want to let go and face the plunge. And it was mean, I guess, but we both wanted to stay together at the time.
In typical Matt fashion, he didn’t call me any more than twice between August 15th, when I’d left, and 2 days before Thanksgiving, when i called to tell him that I was seeing someone else. During that same span of time, he’d sent me 2 cards. Now, understandably, given the lack of communication w/ him, especially after September, I was sure he’d gone and found someone else at Goucher, which is ¾ female. This depressed me, but I’d been expecting something like that from when I’d left home, which is most likely why I immediately liked the 1st 2 guys that I did: I tried to replace my former relationship w/ a new one to fill the void, assuming that Matt was already doing the same. Of course, my 1st 2 attempts failed, which is a good thing, given the content of their character (which I later discovered), so I basically gave up on the male species ever having an interest in me ever again. Then Frank happened, and it was a wonderful, awesome development that made life in college enjoyable and raised my confidence. So I got rid of my old AIM screen name and figured that everyone was happy. Of course, the writers of my sitcom would not have it that way, b/c that isn’t quite interesting enough to retain ratings. Thus begins the saga.
2 days before Thanksgiving break, I get my second card since Sept. from Matt, who I’d assumed had forgotten me in favor of a relationship w/ someone else. At this point I knew things would end badly, but I was hoping it was just a “hey, how ya doin’?” sorta thing. But no, it was the kind of card I’d been craving all that time I’d heard nothing from him: the long letter that ended w/ “I can’t wait to see you, I miss you so much…” and so on. A little late for that. Now, Matt had never been one to ever call un-goaded. But if you care abt someone enough, wouldn’t you want to talk to that person every now and then? Or even IM them or send email? I think it was understandable for me to have lost faith that my relationship w/ him by the time I’d received that card before Thanksgiving. Basically, he’d lost his chance. He blew it.
I called him up and had a nice, hr-long conversation w/ him before I told him flat-out that I was seeing someone else. I said I’d like to stay friends w/ him, b/c I mean…I enjoyed his company, and wanted to still hang out w/ him. He’d meant a lot to me over the 10 months we’d dated, and I didn’t want to throw all that down the drain. He said he’d need time to get over this, and that’s when I knew he hadn’t found someone else at all. And I felt horrible that I’d had to break this to him so close to Thanksgiving, when he’d most likely been counting the days til we’d both be home, but I could only call him as soon as I’d gotten his card, as soon as I’d known he still knew I existed.
During break, I tried to talk to him, but it was awkward. I IMed him, but he didn’t respond (he then blocked me from his buddy list). He wanted nothing to do w/ me, and I understand that, but I’d wanted to explain to him that I hadn’t meant to drop the news on him so harshly, so fast. It was all a lack of communication, but honestly, mostly on his part. I’d give him as much blame for this as I would myself.
During second semester, I discovered him livejournal and found various disturbing entries. Obviously bitter, he used the journal as an outlet for his emotions. He’s always used his writing to diffuse his feelings, and I understood that when I read everything, but it was disconcerting, nonetheless. When someone hopes you die a horrible death via STD, and then retracts the statement to say he hopes you get pregnant so he can give you an abortion himself…that’s just slightly unsettling. And there were other entries, some of which hurt, some of which made me angry, but mostly it depressed me to read everything, even the entries that didn’t pertain to myself. I hated myself for making him into what he was sounding like in his entries. I’d never meant to hurt him or change him, and I only wanted the best for him, and instead he’d gone in the opposite direction. It’s not all my fault that he’s like what he is now, but I’m definitely responsible for a portion of it, and for that I feel terrible.
I’m sorry, Matt.
Oh, and some sad news: do you remember Brian, who used to work at that same Starbucks? He used to put up those trivia questions and puzzles every day that got you a free drink if you could solve them. One day he’d told a bunch of us a lengthy story of how he’d met and fallen in love w/ his wife (and then he dealt w/ a drunk that started coming on to Melissa Flemming). It was a really touching story, and I was so happy that love like that still existed in the world. Well, he doesn’t work at the same Starbucks anymore, but one of the ppl who still does has kept in contact w/him and I overheard him talking abt how Brian was getting a divorce. That was the low point of my day, b/c all I could think of was how happy he’d been relating the story of his love to us, back in the day. It’s sad how 40% of marriages end in divorce these days, but I think there’s still hope out there. I want to believe.
I still love lava lamps :)
Quotes from this term
joke page.
Wow, half of these are dead
Updated a helluva lot more than this site
The High... this is gone. Too bad, it was highly entertaining while it lasted
The Shack...is dead
Moogleville...the only one actually maintained at this point, I think
Brian Mangan...almost never updates
The Granger-sized sanctuary...is filled w/ granger-sized inaction
The currently-under-construction home of Jason Cohen
Home of ActionINaction Jackson, which is supposedly moving, but is actually dead
The Wilson Chronicles...yeah...i’ve never looked at this site. Ever.
herDano's (Dadap) Hideaway...which I don’t think exists anymore
Shari's Emerald City...must be a Gemini, b/c it’s died twice
Heather, we must finish our current literary endeavor! STILL!!
Apparently la vie de la canadienne is very very slow and boring, b/c there’s apparently nothing to write abt
Wendy, Jen, and Christina's non-cult site dedicated to the band The Exies.
Profoes' site...yes, he’s still around, and no, I still don’t visit his site
Must...plug...favorite...band!
I hve yet to make this page work. Sorry
Angelfire - the place where your site will be deleted
Past genius autobiographical stupidity Issues Of Everyone's Favorite Treefort
conception - 12/4/01
12/5/00
12/10/00
1/6/01 - 1/9/01
1/25/01
2/25/01 - 7/6/01
7/6/01
