Hello world, whoever is listening. My name is Joe. Mi chiamo Joe. I'm
seventeen 18! years old, and live in Brooklyn, NY. In the
past year, alot has changed for me, I guess its called "growing up." I
guess eventually, I'll write up a whole background story, but Im not in the
mood to now. But here's some basic facts about me so you know whats going
on:
*ALL* my friends are now away in college...leaving me plenty of spare time to do something like this.
**Like a couple of weeks ago I got this little counter hidden on my webpage that shows odd little things like what server provider you have and browser. Its pretty cool. And like yesterday, I check it out yesterday for the first time, to see that Im getting hits from odd places, like houston texas. So! I guess people found this site through a search engine, and dont really know Joe. SO! if your one of those people, you can contact me through AOL Instant messager as "RudeboyJoe" feel free to im me, i never have anything to do**
Ok, the page was getting alittle crowded, so you can read this from the beginning right here
19 March 2001
does it really seem that I dont care about shit? like anything? because i do, i wish it dont come off that i cant get hurt because i dont care, because i really do. alot. about eveything. i just choose to keep it to myself. is there anything wrong with that? bah shut up joe, just keep your mouth shut and make it like it dont hurt you. itll be better soon.
ska joe
19 March 2001
ok. im going to school like a good boy. i got alot to do today. i probvably wont do any of it! hehehe do yourself a favor and listen to some hepcat will yah? bbl
ska joe
15 March 2001
I've been away for a long time. Im sorry, its just after the January 13th entry, i felt that i couldnt top it. and whatever i wouldve wrote would have sounded weak, because well i like it a whole lot. hmmm ok, what happened since then?
well not much. hmmm im finally completely over brandi. its a cool feeling. thank you everyone who helped me on the way.
Me and pink docs are really tight now. shes cool. we go to hinschs after school everyday. we bitch about the cookiecutter misfits of my school. i hate them. i hate being associated with them, because of I shouldnt be. i dont like that shit, whatever that shit is. so dont ask, i ave no fucking clue who slipknot is or ever heard what they sound like. the same goes for korn, metallica or any other of that shit. all i know is that slipknot probably makes more money on tshirts than my whole family does in a year. probably signed to sony. they all seem to be.
i met this fucking awesome girl. her names lauren. i met her at the wetlands, seems like i meet alot of people there. i love that place. and hate it at the same time, odd. well, i guess i can write alot of cornball stuff on how she makes me feel sometimes, but I guess im better off not. because well, i doubt she wants to hear it. hopefully one day though... heh pipe dreams. but whatever she kicks major fucking ass. easily put. i hope im a part of her life for a while, like she said. that would be nice. ahhh whatelse
i hung out with brandi last week. it was weird, just like she was happy, it seemed that way anyway. well, whatever. i felt nice to see her again. we had an exchange of words last night. oh hum. and i can see her writing on her page how i should never mention her, but whatever i just wanna mentionthis, because i havent expanded on it last night.
Yes, I "got laid." I lost my virginity in a bathroom, with a very good friend of mine. I dont regret it, we handled it responsibly and was a good experience. ITs a hard thing to bring up in conversation, except that I gave away my virginity for $1000 and park place in a monopoly game. heh heh heh.
ill add more tomorrow night!
oi!
ska joe
4 March 2001
blegh. gone for a month. and i still manage to get about 4 hits a day... go figure. Sorry for the massive delays. seems like life has been picking up alot lately. for once in a long time do i feel completely happy with every aspect of my life. working on 4 hours of sleep in the last two days, please excuse thee incoherentness. hmph, ive done alittle thing to put up once i get the pictures scanned. monday night? i love you all. you guys kick so much fucking ass. well except maybe a couple of you, but thats probably because i dont know you and your an evil stalker. heh... i never hadd a stalker...wierd, you would think... haha
ska joe
31 January 2001
ok, look im updating the page, are you all happy now? hahaha
ok, well hmmm life fucking kicks ass some times. i guess these are one of these times. its pointless for me to be writing this down because well, everyone who goes tlaks to me and knows whats up basically, so what do i have to write here, and why? well, i was thinking this and here are my two answers, theres one person who still goes here that i dont talk to anymore (with the exception of the north carolinian), so it would be nice to keep that person informed on me because well, i dunno. TWO! by me blabbing about my life, I hopefully am making you think about your life in a light that you havent preiously looked at it. hopefully, tonight, ill be able to achieve both of these in spite of my two weeks absence.
(this entry was ended here and never finished, sorry)
17 -26 January 2001
(this has been sitting on my taskbar for days...i never get around to finishing it)
ok, im ditching math today to do this so, be happy that I am.
Usually, I just update this page for me. its always has been just a means of selfexploration and what not. And i guess in the last couple of days i wrote were just too abstract for you, the home viewer. so im just going to catch you all up on my life, because you gotta come here for some reason.
Life's been treating me good for the last couple of weeks. for like the first time in almost a year, Im waking up being happy to be alive. (what a mouthful..hehe) My school work has be suffering, but whatever, its worth it. Ill do better, I promise. Hmph, I went to a mephiskapheles show last weekend. Not bad, haent seen them in like six months. there was this rude girl there that Ive never seen before, and she kept lookng at me. haha and i had no balls to go over to say anything, of course. Anita's band is playing down the block from my house tonight, so i think im going to that. then the bar. look for the stupid.
I talked to my econonics teacher yesterday, you see there's this big scandal going on in my class. some of these kids got caught copying the test and giving them out. its a big thing, alot of people are getting suspended, and kicked out of the honor society. He said he never suspected me....feels good to be trusted.
------
ok, ummm i got something i wanna put up as a seperate entry, so im going to put that on top of this
ska joe
13 January 2001
waking up and sun has gone away already....drinking...fighting...punk rock....not giving a fuck...mhc...mallory the minstrel...the elven king...dirty tricks...prostituting yourself for monopoly money...playing darts...skanking...having opinions....2600...dave the cooperate fuck...being called a rude boy..having fun...driving around aimlessly...wondering why hardcore sucks so much...drinking brew for breakfast...simple oi chord progession...the adicts...being looked up to...being a role model...laughing shit off...rocking out to the clash...the city..shows..people you see at shows that you just start talking to...talking to anita about girls..jess about sex... role playing...missing katie...jump dung...greys papaya...parking on 10th street...being called a fucking retard...oh shit its joe punk!...wearing the same clothes since fifth grade...hooking up...walking in the cold...being alone...that nervous feeling i get when im around christine...looking for the stupid...inside jokes...innocent kisses...NOT being emo...being told your trying to fit into some kind of mold by living the life youve been living years before you even knew it exist...making your own damn fucking mold...not being insecure..."ill never forget you, the nuttiest rudi in the world!"...
CANT FAIL!
ska joe
10 January 2001
"the politics of rock 'n' roll, in England or America or anywhere else, is that while a lot of kids want to be fried out of their skins by the most scalding propulsion they can find, for a night they can pretend is the rest of their lives, and whether the next day they go back to work in shops of boredom on the dole or American TV doldrums in Mom 'n Daddy's living room nothing can cancel the reality of that night in the revivifying flames when for once if only then in your life you were blasted outside of yourself and the monotony which defines most life anywhere at anytime, when you supped on lightning and nothing else in the realms of the living or dead mattered at all."
Ok, I got 20 minutes to write this. i gotta go to school. and boom the there goes the time. ill punch something up before i got out tonight. come back at like 10.
"When they kick at your front door, how you gonna come, with your hands on head, or the trigger of your gun?"
hehehe bye folks
but go easy...step lightly...stay free
ska joe
9 January 2001
ah yeah...life is gooood. hehehe
i bring good news fellow mead hall crashers,
After a long and hard battle with the vile brandonabeast, Joe the deaf seer has come out victorious in battle. With his hand held high, and many scars, Joe is finally free of the brandonabeasts mental slavery. Celebration of such victory will take friday night at local mead halls throughout the land.
oh man, i feel so hard. haha last night i went out and just broke shit, felt real good.
sadly, there was no actual spoils to this battle like there usually is. haha but im going to go to the city and blow 100 bucks tonight. haha beer, clothes, music, damn fine spoils right there.
mallory...if your reading this... im sorry you did get in. dont worry, you dont suck youll get into a kick ass school. oh yeah.
(i talked to melissa last night. she is sooooo fucking amazing. i think i like her, but shes definately waaaaaaay too good for me. haha)
ska joe
8 January 2001
It seems like the mead hall crashers got themselves a minstrel. Her name's mallory. she kicks major ass. so yeah, there she is. cute and bitesized and all that good stuff. soon she'll be singing ballads of our exploits. oh yeah...
fuck...gotta get my ass in school
ska joe
7 January 2001
Aeroskunk<!-- (3:57:23 AM)-->: WOW
Aeroskunk<!-- (3:57:28 AM)-->: what the fuck!
Aeroskunk<!-- (3:57:30 AM)-->: thats amazing
Aeroskunk<!-- (3:58:05 AM)-->: does joe understand that shes about
8
millionbilliontrillion times better looking than brandi who is a horrible
beast of a woman?
Aeroskunk<!-- (4:00:07 AM)-->: i dunno... a guy who cant get over an
ugly
chick cause shes 'cool' -who is capable of doing better but has moral
considerations stemming from his attachment to said ugly chick...
Aeroskunk<!-- (4:00:14 AM)-->: sounds fucking EMO to me -and you can
tell him
i siad that
Aeroskunk<!-- (4:01:02 AM)-->: joes acting like a crazy dumb emo girl
Aeroskunk<!-- (4:01:24 AM)-->: gotta be able to get over ugly brandi....
gotta... she couldnt possibly have been that cool
HEY!!! thats just wrong....and downright mean.... IM NOT EMO!!
ska joe
5 January 2001
wow I must be getting a life not updating as much lately. but my counter shows a lot of new faces. hello world (heh heh heh hacker joke... you get it?).
im in the process of booking a show. very cool. march 24th, wetlands hopefully.
going to see king django, and new york ska jazz tonight. score.
IM me... im bored.
This girl Anita said my page is cool. she kicks ass. haha
Ok, so hmmm I went with pink docs today. second time if your keeping count. fourth girl since brandi, in the long run. you will be quizzed on this at a later date. i hope shes cool with her fuck buddy status. she thinks about shit too much. she should stop, its not very punk rawk of her.
ok, im outta here....
-Joe
1 January 2001
hi....my name is Joe....and Im sooooo fucking cooler than you are. hahaha well, maybe not.
havent updated in a week now, I apologize because, well, I took the break off. Which does suck for you, my adoring(sarcasm) fans. I wasnt going to bother updating til I got to school, but like Will said, "your letting your poor fans from texas down, they want to know whats going on in Joe's life." I regret not writing here as much as I used to, because there's so much that has past through my mind within a week's time, that now, Ill never even think about putting down now. Kinda like lost conciousness.
Ok, well moon ska closed down. I got to go to the store. I had the luck/misfortune to be the last person there. So basically I got a whole lotta shit for fucking FREE. Sad to see the place go. Although, nothing was really doing with moon for the last year now, it kinda hurts not to be able to just go there. I miss those showcases they used to have at the wetlands on sunday afternoons.
HEY YOU! in North Carolina who are YOU?! an obcessed stalker? an adoring fan? hehehe I.M. ME!!! IM BOREDDDDD!!!! ill loovvvvveee yoooou. well maybe. hehehehe
ive done alot in this last week. ALOT hehe i cant write about it all. but it was cool, ill tell you that. and i tell you i was thinking about you-know-who. Im actually getting over her. and for once i believe i wasnt the one who fucked up. she did. i was very striaght forward with how i felt and whatnot. i said that i loved her, i did. period. i didnt say it, and not mean it. Nor did i second guess her when she did. sadly, it was complicated, by her "nobooodyy likes meeee" attitude. because i had a crush on some girl months before? my dick. well whatever. i guess i took shit half assed, but hey thats the way to go about things, cant let stupid emotions change you, or hurt you too much. promised myself that. haha fuck emotions!
haha FUCK YOU ALL!!
more of this bullshit tomorrow...
ska joe(still love her though)
24 December 2000
shake your body line me girl shake it all dee time
shake your body line me girl jump it all dee time
well so much has happened since my last update.
moon ska went out of business. i went there and got allllllll of shit.oh hell yeah. im going to miss moon. im going to miss dave too. : * (
i think i found the perfect girl for me....
i took some pictures with a digital camera right here... pictures
....the perfect girl exists only in my head....
-Ska Joe
21 December 2000
iinteresting thing of the day....
gotta go to school. what fun. talked katie last night. im pretty certain that shes the awsomest girl in the world. cant wait to see her.
you know your listening to oi! when...
you unintentionally keep reaching over for a guinness thats not there...
your pretty certain that the band your listening to can kick your ass....and so can their groupies...
you wonder why the laces in your boots crossover each other...
you start having a little more respect for veterans, alocholics, skinheads and the like.
you now look up to that always drunk always there old guy at the bar. and a little more if he happens to be a veteran...
except for the band, your pretty sure that you can beat anyone down...
just wanted to explain what oi! is to everyone who has no clue what it is. listening to running riot. damn good
-Ska Joe
20 December 2000
thinking about brandi....went to take my mind off things in the city....bought cds....sat at st marks....met some punks.....drank and told stories....tired and nauseus. Feeling better now.
gnight
ska joe
19 December 2000
"You better be alert
cause you're gonna hurt
and you better beware
'cause no one will care
so you better beware...."
Wednesday 21st - King Django... NJ
king django is the fucking man. oh yes. i would so fellate him to see him do a set.
yeah.... lots of goodness happening this week. well, show wise
well hmm how do I put this? more girl problems arise. This girl asked me if I liked her. I think thats what she meant. Im never any good at these things. I said no. I feel bad, but I guess thats how I feel. maybe how i feel about all girls right. well maybe not, but a great majority of them. its just that like i need a girl whos always gonna be around to do shit. almost become one of the mead hall crashers. I doubt pink docs would be like that, shes a bit young, and her parents are damn strict. i doubt she'd ever be able to hang out with us. i doubt her parents are going to be happy when she receives a call at 1 in the morning that I just received word from the gods that I must drive to upstate new york, and not come back until i find a sacred stag, or three regular deer would do too. So, Im sorry.
hmmm whatelse? nothing... gotta go to show, err i mean school. dont i wish...
-ska joe
18 December 2000
"shake! rattle! bang your head!"
wow....i feel alive today. guess it was the whole day of sleep yesterday. hehehe
so yeah, nothing big is going on. The Mead Hall Crashers will have a beautiiifffuuullll webpage up by tomorrow for all your enjoyment. hehehe after school.
Katie comes by this week.woohooooo hehehehehe
well sitting around yesterday. IM brandi to say hello. shes more or less says i should stop bothering to talk to her. hahaha well, ok if she says so. you just have to laugh at some things and for some reason, this is one of them. maybe its just the irony of it all. heh Talked to jamie, shes happy. i think. i dunno. one could only guess.
bah ill finish this up when i get home from school
17 December 2000
hey fellas. what up yo? nothin' much g... chillin' chillin'. word
heh nothing much doing over here. not a damn thing. went to some hardcore show last night. i hate hardcore, everyone is soooo lameeee. ugh fuck it all. FUCK YOU!!! heh
ska joe
Greys Papaya....50c
16 December 2000
"Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your comformity explains nothing. Act singly, and what you have done singly will justify you now. Greatness appeals to the future. If I can be firm enough today to do right, and scorn eyes, I must have done so much right as to defend me now. Be it how it will, do right now."
-Emerson- self reliance
15 December 2000
report cards todays. shit. im gonna fail like everything.
no albany either, mike's coming down. still very cool.
ok, wish me luck.
-ska joe
14 December 2000
im an upstart! hey! whatta ya gonna do! im an upstart! listen! im talking to you!
hail hail
nothing new, but updating for the hell of it. i got spare time.
ehh yeah. so theres
nothing new with me. i smell good. and have nothing to do tomorrow night. anyone? beer and hot dogs as usual i guess.
brandi threw another shitfit it seems. i think i got her figured out. she gets pissed off like once every two weeks. ah well. its all over and I gotta focus on more important things (fucking hot girls) actually i just wanna meet someone cool to chill(and have sex) with. right now. Dont know any such girls that I like right now. ill meet one out at a show eventually, i guess. well, my friend jessica says brandi just cant accept that I love her. which is one of the more biazzare explanations ive heard. so i was going to put up one of those online polls on different reasons why brandi is the way she is. but! haha im not going to today, cause well, i gotta go to school(fucking insane amounts of hot girls) Speaking of hot girls...i never got katies school number : ( i guess ill have to wait until she gets home.. cant wait til i see her.
-ska joe
13 December 2000
and finally i got a mind of my own
all because you left me alone
the game is over
but i wish it is you whos on the phone
the beginning of my first song? maybe...
hehehe i cant wait until i meet someone nice. i hope soon. im not going to look for it though, it never works like that, you know? if im going to albany this weekend im getting soooooo laid though hahaha prolly not.
-ska joe
12 December 2000
"oþþæt hrefn blaca heofoes wynne
blio-heort bodode."
Hello everyone, sorry i havent been well, updating this or whatever. heh I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO!! haha : P
Uhm im just going to put random thoughts up tonight because i just dont want to make sense of it all. hmmmm thats interesting when you think about.
apparently i gained some kind of fame for going to that show on friday. kids tell me im crazy. and im hardcore for being the only for being 'in the pit' for the whole show. apparently a love for dancing and having fun is a sign of greatness. ah well, dont matter to me, I dont associate with them. I do my own thing. and well its not hanging around bay ridge with them. dunno why...feel detached from that whole crowd. ah well, all the cool people graduated and everyone's younger than i am. theres a whole mess of people i havent spoken to lately. i should make phone calls. i wont. i dont know who to call first. jamie is someone i wouldnt call. shes at work. and she didnt seem too happy to talk to me the last time. sucks, cause she was fun to be around. im completely cool with her being with someone else too. brandi said i had feelings for her. i might have, but i guess they werent very strong. im kind of over her already. i hope shes happy. i miss brandi. everyone says i shouldnt dwell on her. theyre right too i guess, but its easier said then done. it was typical boy-girl problems too. girl feels something, dont say anything and the boy doesnt figure it out until its too late. age old problem. it sucks. dont ever really know how someone feels, until you go through it yourself. she writes about her new boyfriend alot. im kinda jealous. i guess this is what she means that i was hurting her when i was talking to her. about jamie? i dunno. she said she didnt like me anymore, so did it hurt her? she was always good at hiding her emotions. maybe she did still like me alittle? she still comes here. hello brandi. i shouldnt say much shes prolly reading this. i still love her, contrary to what she thinks. ill never forget her. i cant wait until my band gets good to play crap shows. thatll be so much fun. cant wait. going to albany this weekend. i hope
good night everyone
ska joe
10 December 2000
Hey foo's
I found a drummer, so we got a full band now. kick ass.
has it seems like Ive been writing here less and less lately? it seems that way. well theres a reason, i believe. Im getting a life! OoOoOOoOoooOOo!!! Yes, folks, Joe is becoming a part of functioning society once again! Real people! here i come! hahaha
well, im going out now. and fucking, i lost katie's school number!!! FUCK!!!!! what do i do?! hehe she bests bes coming over like she says shes gonna. hells yeah..
I did this thing on www.thespark.com called the sparkmatch...that shit is pretty cool...check it out yo. My profile is DrunkRudeBoy
Toasters show was nice. Toasters sucked, looks like they got a new toaster.(confusing huh?) But Victor Rice, and Inspecter 7 was good.
Ok. Me and will are starting a new tradition. Everytime we go to Grey's Papaya, we're going to save the nickels we get from the 1.95 specials. And ill post the amount we have here in the corner of the entry when it goes up. Will didnt save his nickels last nght so i only got one.
Bye everyone
-Joe
Grey's Papaya Fund...5c
9 December 2000
Yup. Went to that show last night. It was just as bad I expected it. BUT! Crappy crowd? Crappy music? hmm never stopped me from having fun before. danced my ass off to bad music, alone, as usual. will's car got wrecked so we couldnt bring the rowdy mob that we were planning to. apparently everyone one was there to see the crap ass metalcore that played last. as nobody even cared much about the opening bands. which were better in my opinion. heh, bad pop punk, really bad pop punk. ah well, still dancable. stray 76, what the fuck? "no we're a punk band, stop having fun, please dont dance, this is about the music." what do i say to that? i say this: go suck a fat one, this is a coming from a band with songs called "fuck the beatles." Ah well, same old same old i guess. I do kind of feel godly going to shit like that, where everyones just getting into the shit that youve been living for years.
We've starting a band, we need a drummer. Basically we're just going to do covers to bring good punk to the masses who've prolly never really gotten into what we like, bouncing souls, angelic upstarts, adicts, clash, op ivy. hell yeah... if you know a drummer who would like do some thing like this, tell him to get in touch with me.
For today, Im gonna stay in bed and rest up for the toaster and 'specter 7, tonight. my legs are sore. my brain hurts. my heart is sore. and i think about the last time i saw inspecter 7 and the toasters together, about a year ago.
dont think too much....just let it loose...
Ska Joe
7 December 2000
What up droogs? Im good I guess. I gots to get my ass in school. just wanted to say hello to everyone cause it seems like i get most of my hits when im not home.
HELLO EVERYBODY!!!!! READY TO KICK SOME ASS TONIGHT?!!! HELLS YEAH!!!!!
...never sold out
Ska Joe
6 December 2000
dum dee dum
i went to the cardiologist person today, that was fun. he was like, hey joe! your not going to die! my assisant was wrong! hehe wooo what a relieve it is to know that ill be around for ska's fourth coming.
so i celebrated! know how? i sat online. oooooo big news.
well, I talked to Jamie, she met some guy. Which Im cool with I guess. We've been over with for like a month now, and I've been doing fine so its all good. If your here Jamie, thanks for making me feel so unalone when I felt down on myself. :0)
then I talked to brandi. she was upset over the usual. and then some. So, what'd I do? I went to the city and walked around, hmmm seems like I do that alot. Which really doesnt help me much, as I always think about spending time with her everywhere I go around there. : / I guess I wish I can say really nasty things about her, like she does to me, but i dont have it in me. because then maybe it would seem like I wasnt the one who was completely at fault. which isnt true, Im only 50%, well maybe 75% at fault. And it's because she was at fault too, and its not the "i cant believe i let myself get hurt" reason either. Like, I dunno, she holds all her feelings in until its too late for anybody to do anything about them, not even to her friends. Then she wonders why people dont seem to quite understand her. Theres other things too, I just care not to type any more right now. bleh. try again tonight.
I cant let this get my spirits down anymore. for if one looks into the darkness for too long, he becomes the darkness. Maybe I shouldve gave up on her when my friends said she wasnt worth it? Or when her friends told me I shouldnt get involved with her because of her issuses? hehe I guess i shouldve given up a long time ago. but i didnt and like Will said im just a dog who gets kicked, whimpers in the corner and comes back for more. ah well, it guess thats done with for the time being, time to be happy, and let joe have some fun. this weekend im going to see inspecter 7, and the Toasters. hehe what fun
never sold out..
Ska Joe
5 December 2000
well err
i dont care about brandi anymore(i really do,but i doubt she even would care all too much if something happened to me) I dont care about jamie either. so what do i have to bitch about? nothing! ha!
hehe....well thats my life folks. ive hit complete and utter apathy. is that good or bad? hehe
I talked to katie, shes crashing at my house during the break. hehe yay wohooo haha
good night i hope your dreams are full of fat naked men with masive man tits giggling all over the place.
Ska Joe
4 December 2000
errr long time no see. hehe im not going to write much because its late.
Im feeling pretty good lately for some reason. i have no friggin reason to be happy. but i am some reason. i bought some cds this week, the adicts, angelic upstarts, subhumans, skinnerbox. And maybe, thats why im happy. who knows.
life sucks. but i dont.
if you have napster i command you to download Kid by the Bouncing souls! RIGHT NOW! yeah! you!
hehe 'night
Ska Joe
1 December 2000
Welp, Jamie called, or did I call her? Not important hehe We talked for a couple of hours, mainly on how much of a spaz I am. hehe She made me happy alittle, I dont feel as shitty as Ive been lately. But still shitty nonetheless. haha
I still like her a whole lot. : ) Bu i dunno if she feels the same way : /
Uhm, so yeah. Im fucked, i think i lost my wallet, and i gotta take the SATs tomorrow. I need an ID!! ughhh Im scared like hell.
hmmm...never sold out, never will
Ska Joe
30 November 2000
I need to see my Jamie!
I havent seen her in three weeks now, and like, shes the one who's been keeping me from slicing my wristes these last couple of months. i need someone now
I hope I can hang out with her today
:*0(
ska joe
28 November 2000
Another nothing day.
I got corel photoshop. I made alittle thing with it. It sucks reeeeealllly badly. but well you can see, because your special. haha
there yah go.
Well, tonights gonna be another short night. If your wondering, Im feeling good. pretty happy too. But my soul hurts alot. If that makes sense. I hope it does.
I need too sleep now good night
"to be forgotten is worse than death..."
joe ska
27 November 2000
Yup, uh huh. Went to school today. Nothing big.
I started practicing hackey sack a couple weeks ago. And like, my caferteria is big, so I play there. Its really cool, because kids who usually wouldnt even bother to speak to each other would get together to play hack. It was great, but well unity amongst students bonding in a safe drug free way is too dangerous for my school. Im no longer allowed to play there. or they'll "confiscate" my hackey sack "and not give it back." Scumbag Board of Ed.
I was I had someone to hug me right now. Yup, I definately need to be held right around now.
Im gonna make this brief because Im really tired. ahhh...well...im going...to...zzzz
gnight everyone
ska joe
26 November 2000
Hey! how are you? Im feeling pretty good right about now. How bout you?
I had a really nice day yesterday. First time, in a long time. And it was completely unexpected, I woke think I was just going to be jerking off and sitting in front of my computer all day. How wrong I was.
Well, I woke up, slapped on some junk clothes on and sat online. Fun? isnt it? Yeah... well whatelse is new? Sitting online, doing nothing staring at the screen, BOOM! outta nowhere, Jamie IMs me, and she said she was sorry for being mean to me. wohoo, I thought I was never going to hear from her again. Maybe... we'll hang out again this week. That'll be nice. I havent seen her in two weeks, and there seems to be alittle piece of my life missing since then. She cheers me up, shes kinda going through what I am, with her ex, sorta. So, shes someone I can relate to.
More sitting online follows.
Brandi comes on. No big deal, shes always on. And Ill try my hardest not to say hi, because I dont wanna annoy her. Well, I couldnt take it anymore, I just had to, I havent spoken to her in a couple weeks and it was killing me. So I said hello, hehe I was so nervous I flinched when I sent it. And well, I asked her to hang out with me(!) AND she said yes. Wow... hehe
So we hung out. Just walked around alittle bit and bought cds. It was nice, alittle akward obviously, but that was expected right? But, it was nice to see her again. To hear her voice, to know she's still Brandi. I really had to fight my wanting to just hug her and tell her how much I missed her. But I dont think that wouldve gone over too well. hehe
After what seemed like brief seconds hanging out with brandi, I went to Andys. had a nice time, ate dinner, bullshitted, the usual. then i was on my way home after having a pretty nice day.
I come home, and obviously the first thing I do is sign online. Its still early, only like 1030. And I get an IM. The night's still not over, Im on my way out again. Drove back into the city with Will, and Mike who came down from college. Played pool alittle bit. hehe I guess I was dressed like a real pool player or something because people were looking at me. its gotta be the hat... And... some girl smiled at me, and Im a fairly shy guy, so well obviously I didnt say anything to her. Ah well... from now on she shall be called "pierced girl." As Will calls her. haha. Then we leave, and drive around queens. And then, one of the most life changing things happened to me that night(sort of)
We recieved a message from God. This was his message: We were to make examples of ourselves for the youth of these dark times. And if we accomplished a simple task, we shall recieve a great reward. To do this, we were to drive to Long Island and find three 7-11s. In each of the 7-11s we shall buy a slurpee of a different flavor. We were to then drink them, and throw them at a gas station that sold icees.(you know, the slurpie rip offs) This took quite a while, as driving in Long Island at 3 in the morning is pretty hard if you dont know a damn thing about the place. Well, we accomplished the task, and well, no reward. whatta rip.
But I have a feeling that God is going to send us on another mission. I think this is going to send me to Albany next weekend to drive $1 gypsy cabs.
I have so much to write, thats sitting in my head, just begging to be put down. But I feel I wasted alot of people's time tonight, so all my thoughts are gonna hafta wait til tomorrow, which undoubtly will be a dull day, Im going to school.
: P
ska joe
23 November 2000
happy thanksgiving everybody
Im learning something new lately. something that i never thought possible. i realize growing up has its prices. im beginning to pay them now. i was walking in the city the other night, alone. The city was cold. Cold, in all terms of the word. I felt a sense of not belonging there. Even though I spent more or less my whole teenage life there. This is my home, but things are different now it seems. Everything is changing, and Im beginning to feel more foriegn to everything here. Ive excluded myself from a whole lot the last couple of months. Today, I went to my grandmothers and even there I felt like an outsider, and thought how around this same time next year I wont be a part of this, because Ill be up in college. But, Ive withdrawn for good reason. Ive learned alot about myself, boy I have changed. No longer am I the asshole of old. Its so friggin' funny that I didnt even realize how mean Ive been to my friends and such. Andy even said he noticed a change in me. Although, Ive maintained my essential Joe-ness which is good I guess. Man if she could see me now... hehe. But I wont, unfortunately. i hope i get to see her before atleast once before, she moves to california next year. Probably not going to happen, but one can hope, right? hehe
Thats all for tonght... night everyone
joe ska
22 November 2000
not a single thing to write tonight. im all written out. haha.
nobody i asked yet wants to go to the parade tomorrow. good lord, its giant ballons for godssake we all looovvveee those. my friends are retards. haha so you, sitting there, yeah you. come to the parade with mee.pleeeease. haha one of you people mustnt have something to do thanksgiving morning. haha of course,this is all very futile. but ah well, im a loser who got nothing else to do.
im going to bed now. as always im sleeping right next to a loud phone. so if you wanna go tomorrow, or just wanna entertain me while i could be sleeping, feel free to call at anytime. haha..hmm... i think everyone who comes here has my number. but just in case here you go you phone number grubbing swine! ouch, thay was harse, i take that back. (718)(<--- if your reeeaaallly far) 238-5314. call me, haha, i need to be entertained!
good night!
theres a bullet in the mattress...
joe ska(new name!!)
21 November 2000
"healthy body sick mind"
wow its early. only 11. and im tired. i didnt even do anything to tire me out. ah well. i think im going to write the rest in verse tonight. yes thas what i shall do. no bad idea, i take that back.
Tomorrow, being the rebel that I am i think im gonna go to the city and do those pictures ive always been saying im gonna do. im serious this time. so this pictures will be up by NEXT monday.
still havent talked to jamie. and im no hurting too much because of it. prolly cause im too busy hurting about other things. such things that im not going to get into tonight because i seem to get into that EVEEERY night. so im not even going to mention her tonight. hehe
hmmm seems like, well, thats it. what are you doing for thanksgiving? i think im going to sleep in. maybe ill go to the parade, that would be nice. sooo any of you out there, that have nothing else to do, lemme know cause maybe you can have the priveliege of standing in the cold with the huddled masses to watch balloons go over you head. so if any of you are interested..you know how to ge a hold of me. i hope.
:0P
joe ska(new name!!)
20 November 2000
I procrastinate too much. I forgot all about doing this. And im tired now, so im going to make this short.
jamies mad at me. heres the story. on wednesday, i said id take her to see reel big fish over the weekend. its in southern jersey somewhere. an i thought it was saturday. so far so good. i come home from school friday to find out it IS friday. damn! hate when shit like that happens, dont yah? so i call her up at 3:00. shes not home. then 4:00. not home still. ugh, shes hanging out with the guys, like she always does on friday. call andy's house. theyre not there yet. DAMN! what do i do? ahhh screw it. we dont even have tickets. then, at 6:30 i get a phone call. its jamie, at andys. she wants to know if we're going tonight. it starts in a half hour and its an hour and a half drive. WITHOUT friday afternoon traffic. theres no chance to get there. I tell her this. and she got really mad at me. she said she didnt care about me anymore. : / I havent spoken to her since.
ah well, shit happens. maybe she was fooling around, i dunno.
today was dull. went to school, came home. played final fantasy ix. fuck yeah that game is cool. hehe im such a loser... went online. stared at you know whos name on the screen. never thought how much a single word on a computer screen would make me feel so wierd. especially as im one to be on computers alot.
going to bed. my bed is comfortable...definately one of my best friends.
: ) Good night!
-Joe
19 November 2000
Not much doing here... Im going to bed. Jamie hates me. But! Im proud to say, it's not my fault this time. ill tell you the whole story tomorrow. Im tired.
You know who is online. And its taking every little bit of me to hold myself from iming her. it would be wrong, because she said she didnt want to talk to me. andy told me i should call her, and I thought about that. And I whimped out hehe...one of days, im not going to be able to take, and im going to.And she'll get mad, or upset or something. and it wouldnt be good i guess. maybe it will be good.. who knows...
Good Night Everyone
:o) Joe
17 November 2000
I feel bad, like everyday it seems like I just whine. This cant be very entertaining to anyone who is actually reading this. By monday, im going to seem happy. i promise. hopefully my pictures will be up by then.
I guess, i shouldnt really be talking about this. but like spitting it out will make me feel better. or atleast feel heard. Brandi wrote this little thing on her webpage, which really didnt bother me much when i read it. mostly because I knew what it said, word by word. These words have been in my head, since she said them to me in August. basically she said she loved me. and sorta of wanted to be with me. but couldnt. because im a jackass who makes her feel like crap. I should be shot.
I guess i really deserve to be hurting the way I am now. and not be with her. Ive been coping with it for months now, had other girls, done lots of cool things without her. but I still think about her all the time. Sometimes its not, even the usual "ohhh i miss her" type of thinking. I just kinda hope shes alright. : / Thats why not talking to her has been killing me so much.
im getting really sleepy and theres so so much more on my mind. but before i go, Ill tell you what id prolly dream about. well, she comes to my house hehe and like we just hang out and walk around.(hmm lets make it rainy out hehe) we bullshit for a while. then well, thats it. i dont know, i dont know if i want to be in a relationship with her right now, just want to hang out and be the friends we are/were. that would be nice. well... im dead tired, I need sleep.
I think the greatest tradgy is one when the someone changes for the good, whole heartly, but its too late : /
night everyone
-Joe
16 November 2000
Hey everybody, its late and Im going to bed soon. I just came home from driving around aimlessly. It helps a whole lot. Im listening to gadjits right now... whatelse is new? I wish I can write volumes on how I feel right now. But, I cant. Maybe its because Im sick, or its because Im all written out. Ive been bearing(sp?) my emotions now, more than I ever have in my life. which kinda sucks ,because I shouldve been more outward with my feelings a long time ago when someone needed me to be. now their not helping anyone are they? ugghhh : /
Life is odd, i wonder if im going to ever figure it out
Good night. Be happy.
-joe
16 November 2000
My sisters a douchebag...shes using the shower so I cant go to physics again. Muthafucker! Ah well.
-Joe
15 November 2000
Slept all day. bitched online. usual crap. goodnight everybody.
oi!
-Joe
14 November 2000
Well...Im sick once again. just a cold. im lucky i guess. ahh well no school tomorrow.
While laying in bed today, I though how writing here actually helped me. kinda. I got alot of shit off my mind, even if it got me in trouble i couldntve even imagine, I dont obcess over things that i used to, now that I got it out of my system. And its nice to know, that possibly some people come/came here and read how i felt/feel. I wonder if Brandi still comes here? prolly, not. probably cant stand the thought of me anymore. but if she does, i just wanna say that she is always welcome here, even if im i sometimes say things that might make seem to be intended to make her uncomfortable and i might seem angry. hehe but mostly likely, shes not reading this and im just slamming my head against the wall.
Im going to the city tomorrow and this weekend, to take a couple of rolls of film. I realised I gotta take a whole lotta pictures, I havent in a while. Im going to put them on cd and stick a bunch on the page. Its gonna kick ass. Thatll be up by next monday. And maybe Ill take some at that show in the bronx on friday.
My nose isnt running.. its dripping.
good night everyone!
-Joe
13 November 2000
Crappy day. went to school came home and thats the story.
Hehehe I WANT to feel better. really i do. BUT! I have nothing to do to cheer me up damn it! So here's joe's offer of the week....
Im giving *FREE* oral to any girl who calls me!!! (unless your related to me or just dont want it)
*FREE* BEER & WEED to any guy who calls me and gets me out of the house!!! (unless your striaght edge..)
oi!
-Joe
12 November 2000
"truth is like a liquor store... taste so sweet just wait until you wake
up in the morning"
Well, this morning is a perfect example of well, more or less how my whole week has been like. I had a great time last night, like how I was back when I wasnt fucked up. I forgot about all my problems had a great time. Then I had to come home, and BOOM like hitting a brick wall, all my feelings come back to me, and Im just as fucked up as a was a couple of months ago, if not more.
I dreamt of her last night. It was an odd dream, though. Not like the ones i usually have about her. I was in this mall, and I was in this crappy wheelchair, and I was wheeling around minding my own business and I saw her. Then I started crying and I ran away. I dont wanna talk about it anymore.it hurts. and i miss her : (
On the lighter side of things, uhm err there isnt a lighter side right now, come back to me later on that one
I hope your having fun
-Joe
11 November 2000
Back from the Rancid show, earlier than I thought. It's only 1, I didnt see Will, so I didnt bother going to the slackers show afterwards by myself. I hate the neighborhood that the cooler is in. I guess I had a good time. Not the end-all-say-all of shows that I expected it to be though. It sucked, in all the reasons I expected it to, so I shouldnt be complaining about it much. But for the sake of informing the people who didnt go/isnt into punk, Im going ramble alittle why I was disappointed.
Rancid is(was?) punk rock, and it is usually the case that, in a large venue like Roseland, sucks. Especially, a sold out large venue. Every loser and his mother was there. literary. But Ill get into that alittle later. One of the key elements of punk, seemingly, is unity. The type of unity, that the person next to you is like a brother, everybody in the scene looks out for each other, because to quote great oi band, Sham 69, "if the kids are united, they will never be divided." If you get hit by someone by someone dancing, who gives a fuck? 'cause we're all there to have fun, nothing more. This sense of unity, was more or less absent from this show. There was far too many people there looking for drama, and I saw one too many "what the fuck? you just hit me" punches thrown tonight. Ive even heard from some kid after the show that some guy pulled a knife on him(!) Luckily, nobody got hurt from that incident.
Then there was the overall crowd. sucked. Shows, like this tend to draw alot of dorks, which is tolerable. But the dork numbers were high up tonight. Ive never seen so many parents(for the record- im not calling anybody over the age of 30 a parent with prejudice, but Im going by the amount of people I saw doing parenting ALSO im not saying that having your parents around instantly makes you a loser, although chances are that you are) now, I really dont mind, but there was so many, I can think of so many people that would of loved to go, and had a damn good time. SO I kinda feel that theyre just a waste of good tickets. Rancid does have a really broad fanbase, I guess its because they had a video on MTV once, I dunno. But anybody who even claims to like punk, likes rancid. Which I guess can explain the large dork population.
And, ah yeah, nobody could dance. the place was just full of people pushing and shoving half the rancid set. i dont dig that. it was only that when Lint asked to get a pit formed so people can dance did people start to dance. This only last for a couple of songs as it was wrecked by the pushing and shoving non-dancing masses. Luckily, I guess the dorks are too good for the openning acts, as the place was about 3/4s empty, so everyone had a good time dancing, etc.
Musically, all the bands played beautifully, I was very impressed with the Distillers. Theyre really good for a band thats only been around for a year.
Thats my beef with big venue shows.
As for me, personally, I had a decent time, I saw my friend there, who sadly got kicked out for fighting some guy who was giving his girlfriend shit. Theres that drama I was talking about again. He missed Rancid... sucks. I saw my good old friend Seth there, then I lost him i'n the crowd during the Rancid set. met some new people though. A bunch of people looked at me with confusion as I was the only rude boy there. hehehehe "whys that kid in a suit? this is punk isnt it?" Some guy who was touring with them said that theres been one rudi every show of the tour and tonight I was it. hahaha
My hat that brandi bought me got ripped on the inside, in the pit, but its still wearable. : /
goodnight ya'll you all have fun now
-Joe
