It matters not that I love him
The gods do not incline their celestial ears
To my lovelorn prayers.
He has found his muse
And her name is not my own.
I had given up on joy
Built myself a shelter...
With my tears
With my blood
With dreams that in the light of day
Withered and blew away...
I thought I was safe
Behind my walls dressed in heavy armor.
But when he looked my way
(More than once)
When he sat at my side
And comforted me
Made me laugh through my tears
Brushed the hair from my face
Everything changed.
My walls crumbled...
Not brick by brick
But rather with the suddenness and certainty of a demolition crew
And when I looked down
My armor had become
A silvery slick puddle that
I knew I would slip in
As I stepped toward him
I gave to him all he would take
...Which wasn't much...
My body
My company
A bit of food and drink
And stealthily I slipped
My heart into his leather pocket
While he slept at my side.
I think he must have found it there
A day or two later
Because he did try to return it to me...
"It has the wrong name on it..."
I put out my hands to receive it back
Hoping to re-establish it in my chest,
And as it fell from his hands
It became, to my dismay,
Nothing more than ash.
"I'm sorry"
He said.
"I never meant to hurt you"
He claimed.
"Can we still be friends?"
He queried.
I can't remember what I said.
If I answered at all,
Surely it was with lies to ease his mind.
I do not want him to hurt
As I do now.
I envision him in her bed...
I hope he's happy.
I hope she realizes what she has.
I hope he thinks of me,
His friend,
Fondly,
If he thinks of me at all.