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The Dave Grohl Conspiracy

The Origins of Grohl

You may know him as Dave Grohl, drummer for Nirvana. Or you may know him as Dave Grohl, vocalist for the Foo Fighters. Or you may know him as that guy who always dresses in drag in music videos, and who you think looks hot when he does. You may also know him as the man behind who secretly runs the diabolical Apple Corporation, which is in reality not a computer company but a super-duper-secret organization with diabolical goals that is run by the Martians on the Moon. In their spare time, they make computers.

Diabolical-Good SAT Word

CEO Dave Grohl, along with his COO Wakko from Animaniacs are using their diabolical powers as computer manufacturers to create the ultimate computer. An improvement on desktops, and laptops, Apple is currently creating medulla-oblongatatops. The will fit snugly inside the human brain, and will have the diabolical Macintosh operating system. In addition, they will be used to operate people from the outside. The system will also be used make sure that people fight the also-diabolical powers of the impotent President of Microsoft, Bill Gates.

Impotent? How would you know?

This page, instead of being compiled solely with anonymous sources, was done with the help of one source who has allowed us to reveal her identity. She is "The Snapple Lady," the former concubine of a very horny Bill Gates (see picture). She, in addition to scaring us into abstinance with her stories, has informed us of this conspiracy. Bill Gates is planning on countering with his new product, "Windows XP-Made from the evilest stuff on earth." This new operating system will immediately delete all foo figthers and nirvana mp3 from your hard drive (although you should start with a blank hard drive anyway) and block websites from displaying such material. It also cause people to vote Revolutionary War Hero and former New York Senator Phillip Schuyler for People Magazine's "Sexiest Man of the Year." Worst of all, it will discourage the usage of the Netscape broswer.

It's Reno Time

That's right, the former attorney-general and candidate for governor of Florida is on the case. "She" (Reno is quite masculine, without a doubt more manly than you, or any man, could ever hope to be) plans on stopping both Grohl and Gates. Using General Reno's vast army of armed attorneys, (no alliteration intended) "she" will invade the headquarters of both men and demand 453 nachos and naked pictures of child actor/diplomat Shirley Temple. Although The Snapple Lady acknowledges this would do nothing to stop the problem, she points out that Reno has never done anything that made sense in the past eight years. In order to not confuse ourselves anymore, and because naked pictures of Shirley Temple and the thought of The Snapple Lady and Bill Gates getting some simultaneously horrify us beyond measure, we lost interest in investigating (again, no alliteration intended. We also promise that this is the last time we will use paranthesis on this page). If you wanna find out what happens, figure it on your own time.